We are having some trust issues with our 13 DS. He has not been outwardly "bad", but I have found questionable things in his room while he is at his Dad's. (mentioned in another thread). I want to be able to keep a better eye on him without him feeling like he is constantly being punished. How do you"watch" your teenager? They go places without you...or do you not let them go? They have friends over...but what happens when you go to sleep? How much to you try to control the friends your teenager hangs out with? How many limits is too many?

I raised my brother from age 8 - he was the kind of kid who could find trouble blindfolded and locked in a dark empty closet. At times I thought all I could do was give up but I kept at it. I did routine searches of his room and backpack. I checked up on him everywhere he went. Nights he had friends over I hardly slept - it was the hardest time of my parenting experience. No matter how much I did he still managed to find trouble but I was able to head off a lot of it.

My 2 natural born children thank God were much better behaved. They did typical kid stuff but they also knew that I thoroughly cleaned their rooms and would find anything. I did not feel bad about checking their internet usage or snooping through their room and back packs, I would do anything to make sure they weren't into drugs or drinking. After what I went through with my brother I did not want to do it again with those 2. Whenever I discovered something I would confront them directly and we would discuss it. Most times they started crying and apologized profusely and it was never an issue again. I did not raise my voice flip out or issue ultimatums. When appropriate they were punished and accepted it without an issue. I think in my experience treating them like mature young adults was more effective than being extreme.