I am wrestling with this one. I admit I am a big mama bear and I don't like anyone messing with my cubs, but I think I let it bother me too much. For example, today my ds (first grade) got off the bus upset and told me that his friend sat next to him and asked him to help him with his homework (which ds did) and then the friend's cousin came down and meanly told my ds to "move it" so he could sit next to his cousin. Instead of his friend telling standing up for ds, he told him "Lee told you to move it!" and so ds moved to another seat. This same "friend" also told him that he didn't want to be on his team today at recess when they were playing basketball, and switched teams, leaving ds all by himself with 3 other boys on the other team. So, I know his mom (they live behind us) and the mama bear in me wants to say something to her, but I KNOW I shouldn't and my ds is going to have to learn to fight his own battles and stand up for himself. But I haven't stopped stewing about it all afternoon!

What do you do? Does it get to you, or does it roll right off your back? If it doesn't bother you, how do you get to that place? I talked to ds about not letting people take advantage of you, and told him that everyone had bad days and maybe his friend just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, etc. but I was still MAD at that little 7 year old!

I'm a mama bear too!!! I wish I were like the Mom's who just let it roll. I get so irate, I usually make DH deal with it because he's very centered. If I see someone intentionally hurting my child physically, emotionally, etc...I just don't deal well. I could NEVER be a teacher, I'd have to resort to the paddle which is now unacceptable in the school system.

Some kids are just plain rude, have no manners and no respect for others. Unfortunately that's not our job to correct that unless it's a life threatening situation. It's rough. On another note, I can't imagine my daughter hasn't been a little mean to someone at some point in her life. I'd like to think she hasn't but you know how kids are. I'd say my best advice is to keep your side of the street clean. As long as you're raising him to respect others and treat people properly, he might be able to let it roll. I feel that way with my kids. I've told them several times not to allow anyone to walk all over them. DD has a cousin who is a little younger but he's bigger and likes to hit. This cousin hit her in the face with a broom one day and DH and I gave her permission to haul off and punch him next time he did that. DH was soooooooooo mad. Boys shouldn't hit girls, period!!!!!

As far as you confronting the parent of this child, I probably wouldn't just yet, unless it got physically nasty or became and emotional burden on your child. Maybe his friend feels intimidated by his own cousin and felt like he had to tell him to move it? I don't know for sure but maybe the cousin is a bit of a bully.

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Why treat someone like a priority when all they see you as is an option?

I guess I am one who more lets it roll off my back. While I don't like other kids taking advantage of my kids, I prefer to try to get my kids to handle it on their own. I would point out to your son how he is being used and suggest that he try playing with other kids.

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~Happiness is a large family~

I'm horrible at this.......but im getting better!! Just last Christmas when the snotty little clique at dd's middle school was huddled in a circle and whispering in one corner as i walked dd to her music room before the big Christmas program, i had a stare down with the little leader of the pack because they were giving dd that snotty little up and down look as if they were some kind of Joan Rivers doing a fashion commentary at the Oscars! Lord forgive me but once i had dd safely in that music room and out of ear shot, i turned to the group and said " Shake your head, your eyes are stuck!" as i glared at them all. Walked into the music room to make sure dd was settled , walked back out, and that little group was GONE! LOL, dh just about died when he heard what i did. I couldn't help myself....i remember those types of snotty kids when i was that age.

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"Go on, get outside, get the stink blown off ya!!"

As hard as it is...I try to do this as well. As kids get older, they really need to learn to deal wtih obnoxious people on their own, so whether it be through walking away, using humor/sarcasm, speaking up etc

I wouldn't say anything to the other mom unless it gets physical or nasty. Unfortunately kids are rude & sarcastic at this age. I understand I'm a momma bear too, but I haven't had to deal with anything yet.

I'm just keeping an eye on DD's 1st grade class. There is a girl in there that was a bully in Kindergarten, so I am keeping my eyes & ears open. I have a lot of eyes in DD's school that will keep me informed.

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Mommy to Ariana 8/11/01 & Davis 4/11/05
I love my kiddos!

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Happymom, I just knew you would be one to let it roll off your back! You seem so laid back. I think I would like you a lot in person!

GoPytn07 - I absolutely love your advice about keeping my side of the street clean. I am going to take that to heart. I have never heard that expression before, but it is great. And I also try to let dh handle it since he is so much more level headed than I am about stuff like this. Don't worry, I would never actually say anything to this kid's mom unless it gets REALLY bad, but I still have to fight the temptation. The boys have been friends for a year now and this is the first time they have been in the same class together, and I think there may be some rivalry going on. I am starting to realize that there are indeed some kids that are just plain rude. My kid isn't and I am thankful for that. He has lots of friends and is just a happy little guy. I brought it up again tonight and asked him if he wanted to talk about it anymore and he said "Mom it really wasn't that big of a deal."

Countrymouse, I would love to have been a fly on the wall when you put those catty little girls in their place!!!! What an awesome line. You always have the absolute best comebacks.

Thanks for your answers, ladies. The kids are in bed and I am going to pour a nice tall glass of wine and thank my lucky stars that my kids have manners.

Oregano, this is almost exactly - word for word - what I told my ds. We went through some examples of what he could say if it happens again and I think it helped.

Well, thanks!!!! It sounds like you handled it really well and you are raising a well adjusted, polite little boy!! Congratulations!

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~Happiness is a large family~

Were we separated at birth? I struggle with this all the time as well, and ds is only 5.5!

I would NOT go over the other mom's house. Unless it is something physical - there will only be a he said/he said type of thing, the other kid can deny it completely and you have no proof.

I do a lot of role playing with ds. Admittedly, the hates it. He tells me to stop. HOWEVER, I've heard him use the same words I used with him during role playing when he's with his friends! When he tells me about a situation, I say, "pretend I'm 'Jimmy' and Jimmy made you move. What do you say to him?" Then he'll say, "Aw mom, I don't want to do that" and I'll just say, "Ok, you'd say something like, 'I don't have to move, I was sitting here first, you can sit here tomorrow'". It gets the point across and even though ds doesn't like it, like I said I can hear him use those exact words later.

I am also extremely mother bear. However, I want to give him the tools for him to deal with this himself. If the kids aren't playing nicely in the back yard, I first go and see what the problem is. If it's something minor, I say, "Ok - that is not playing nicely you two need to work it out or ds needs to come in"

Sometimes ds will stick up for himself and sometimes he won't. Unless it is physical I 'try' to let him either work itself out or 'take it' because as much as he doesn't like to 'take it' he's learning that he doesn't like that feeling and maybe next time will work it out or defend himself.