what do you do? i have a ds who is 12. very frustrated with him right now. somewhere along the way, he has discovered how to lie while looking me in the eye. it's been a long time since i could trust him. how do i get him back where he needs to be? he has a past history of stealing. (he stole something from Borders when he was about 7 or 8). fast forward to last weekend. i found marijuana in his room!!! i asked him where he got it, he said my little bro (age 22) gave it to him. my little bro said that my ds took it. unfortunately i believe my little bro. also, he (little bro) knows that i would call the cops on him in a heartbeat if i actually believed he gave it to my son! so what do i do? it just makes me sad that someone along the way of his growing up gave him the impression that lying is ok. ?? i'm at a loss. why does parenting have to be so hard? any advice? sorry this is so long....

Hello! Your little brother is smoking marijuana!

From now on my son would not have any contact AT ALL with his uncle - and anyone else you know is doing drugs. You're setting a double standard by allowing it.

Are there more serious incidents since the stealing at Borders? If not, 5 years between would not constitute a habitual problem. If you do have a 12-yr old who is started the path on drugs, then you may look around for some intervention support.

Parenting a teen is much different from parenting a younger child. You'll have to change your parenting style and increase the number of tools in your toolbox. But keep in mind, he is also ONLY 12. He has lots of years ahead of him to become a healthy adult. If he is basically a good soul, love him up! He is still your precious child.

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"I've been rich and I've been poor but independently wealthy is where it is at."

i do love him. i only let him go to my brother's to cut the grass and make some $$. since this has all happened, he hasn't had any contact with my bro, not even a phone call. i really don't care what my little bro does as long as it doesn't affect my kids, and this one crossed way over that line! my little bro has always done his own thing. he actually used to do alot with the kids (taking them fishing) but i don't know what's gotten into him lately. i'm just frustrated that my ds didn't think he could come and tell me what was going on. where did i go wrong? i'm feeling like a crappy parent. we are very strict with our kids, and right now he has no priviledges. i'm very big on tough love. too bad that i want to know what he's doing and who he is with. is that soo bad?

(((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))) DD is only 6. I dread the teen years. My sister has a 13 yo and one thing you always have to remember is that they are influenced by EVERYONE now, and alot of people look like alot more fun to be like than their parents. Think really hard about your brother, what he stands for, and the message that your acceptance gives to your kids. I love my siblings with all my heart but if one of them did drugs and my kids knew it, they would not be allowed in my home or around my children. I most certainly would never allow them anywhere that there was access to drugs, whether they had to steal them or not.
Let us know how things turn out. You have a wonderful son with his whole life ahead of him and all kinds of difficult choices to make--he's lucky to have a strong mom willing to parent him with tough love!!!

Gosh...I really don't know. I have a 12 year old myself but we haven't any issues with stealing, lying etc

Do you spend time with your DS, one on one? That might be a way to build trust and have a better relationship with him.

You might also consider a child/teen psychologist...someone that could work with both you and DH as well as your son.

No offense to your brother, but I think keeping your kids away from him is a good idea.

i spend as much time as i can one one one with all of my children, he just seems more needy emotional. does that make sense? everytime we have issues or problems with him, they just seem bigger and badder than the time before. i am truly frustrated. i did tell him that if he ever brought drugs into our home again, i would call the juvenile authorities and have him arrested. i will not tolerate drugs. (my ex was a crack head, literally) and i will never put my family or myself in that situation again. it seems that when i hold him accountable for something he has done, he just lashes out more. many many nights my dh and i have argued over him, and what to do. can someone just wake me up when the teen years are over with?