I am a single parent by choice - after numerous medical problems, poor relationships, and a rapid biological clock I decided to place on hold 1 childhood dream (marriage) and persue another (motherhood). I never really wanted to be anything as a kid other than a mommy and I just was not willing to give up on that dream because I had not had the luck to meet Mr. Right. So after a lot of thought, research, prayer,1 1/2 years, enough money to buy a new car and a bought with pre-eclampsia I delivered a beautiful baby girl 1 month early and 1 month before my 35th birthday. I knew it would be hard and I knew it would be wonderful - it has been! I have never been so happy to be so tired and broke in all my life! I have never regretted my decision and most people have been very supportive -just wondering if there are any other single by choice parents out there?

Not me, but I commend you for being so determined, and I can only see that as a positive thing in your child's life. Her mom didn't just WANT her..she FOUGHT for her.

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Shaking in my boots (well, if I was wearing them in the middle of summer!), but glad to be back!

Thank you!

Im a single mom but not from choice.

I commend your determination to be a Mom its not an easy road to be a parent, particularly a single parent.

I hope you find the support you need and this board is great so it can help you get ideas on lots of things that may come up for you both.

By the way I love your daughers name, its an old Irish one not used so often now, nice to see it in print

Anne

Thanks for the supportive words - I loved the name it is an added bonus we are of Irish decent.

I too am a single mom by choice, I could identify with so much of your story... the childhood dreams of marriage and motherhood, the waiting for Mr. Right to appear. I chose another road to single parenthood - adoption. I adopted my first daughter when I was 1 month shy of my 39th birthday and she was 10 months old. I adopted my second daughter 5 years ago this December when she had just turned 5. They are now 9 and 12. I have never regretted it (though now that the older one has entered puberty I do find myself wondering what the heck I was thinking still no regrets though.). I too have found people to be very supportive. I get a little tired of people hearing my story tell me "what a wonderful thing you have done for those girls". I tried to communicate that they are the ones who have done so much for me. In a way they have rescued me from sour old spinsterhood!:D

Adoption was always an option for me as well - may still be for a second child! Puberty is rough - for so many reasons. Have you found that your daughter has had to deal with any teasing because of her "non-traditional" family? I hope not but that is something I have been concerned about occuring in the future. Personal question time - how long after your daughters joined you did you start dating - or even really have any interest in dating? I find myself not really even interested yet. Any other words of wisdom from a more experienced single by choice mother?

I have to admit that I giggled when I read that - "experienced" I feel more like I am "experimental" (or sometimes just "mental" LOL). No really I have had a lot of experiences or should I say a lot of experiences have had me, but I certainly don't feel particularly wise. I think when parenthood is a well thought out choice where you have weighed the good and the bad, the difficulties with the blessings you are a better parent for it.

Neither of my kids have ever experienced any teasing because of coming from a single parent family, that is just too common these days. And when asked about a father they simply state "I don't have a dad." and that too is accepted without question. We occasionally get questions from other kids, usually those who are putting us together for the first time, because we are a multi racial family (the girls are Asian, I am white) in every case it has been genuine curiousity from kids who notice we don't "match", I used to explain too much. Now I prefer to follow my daughters lead and let her explain if/what she wants, she usually volunteer she is adopted. My older daughter has unfortunately received some teasing from one of her peers in particular who would say to her "At least I know who my parents are." and "At least my parents wanted me." That was a very painful one all the way around. I finally talked to the girl who was taunting and told her that it sounded like she was confused about adoption and Katy's birth parents. I explained that "real" parents are not the ones who gave you birth, but the ones who care for you every day. I was Katy's parent, she knew who and where I was and that I VERY MUCH wanted her. I explained that there were a lot of reasons why a birth parent might choose not to raise a child (youth, poverty, lack of support, laws of a certain country) but no matter what it was NEVER the childs fault. I also explained that sometimes kids wondered/feared if a birth parent could "give up" (abandon) their child maybe there own parents might someday do that to them and that if she was worried about that she should talk to her mom so she could re-assure her. That conversation ended that line of taunting (she found something else but since it was less personally damaging I let Katy deal with that one).

That is a tough one because I never really dated much before I had kids and with kids I have no time to date! LOL I didn't date anyone until my daughter was 3 or 4 I think and since then I have only dated a couple other men. I'm sure I don't send very strong "available" signals because with 2 kids and the adoption and racial stuff all in there I am super choosey about who I let into our lives. I am pretty content with the status quo family wise, though I do wish for a stronger positive male influence in my girls lives.

Wow that was long, hope that answers your questions without boring you to death.

Thanks for sharing -it seems like you have done a really good job handling what could have been an uncomfortable situation for your girls - It sounds like you all are a happy, secure, well adjusted family. I am with you on the entire dating thing - never much of a big dater - not at all interested right now - glad to know I am not alone with that. Right now I am happy with my life even though I am tired all the time! - not sure I feel up to all the hub bub that goes along with dating right now. Thanks again!

Congratulations on winning your fight!! Would love to see pix. I'm not a single mom, but have often thought about it!! Especially with Dh's on one of his rampages, which is way too often. Sometimes I think it's harder to be married - the stress of someone else arguing with you. Enjoy your baby!!