So I had been dating this guy for almost four months. He knew I had kids from day one. I didn't want to introduce him to the kids right away because I don't want to be bringing people into their lives like that if I'm not sure they are good quality people and there is potential there.

Well earlier in the week I had asked him if he was interested in meeting my kids. He thought about it and last night told me that he didn't want kids, that kids aren't "him", and that we should stop seeing each other that way because if we continue it just points in the family direction and that is not what he wants. He says he likes me, likes spenting time with me, talking with me. I told him that I can't go backwards at this point.

I also told him that this is probably the worst thing you can do to a single mom, is date he and then break up with her because of the kids. I told him that if there was even the thought in his mind when we first started dating that he wasn't interested in having kids, being a parent etc, he should have told me so that at least I would have know that there is no potential for anything other than casual fun. But when you don't say anything, and things progress as time goes on and then you say something, that's just not right.

So logically I know in my head it's for the best, there is no point in continuing things with someone that doesn't want kids, doesn't want to meet my kids, etc. But emotionally it's hard, especially since things had been going good and there had been no previous conflict.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent, it's been a hard night.

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Pain is temporary, quitting is forever....

I'm sure that is hard and hurtful. The only positive thing is that at least he made that decision before it went any further. It would have been worse if you had gotten more serious and he met the kids and then decided not to date you.

The only perspective I can give from my own experience was that I did date a guy with two kids before I got married and had children of my own. It was hard because he expected me to sort of "parent" or "discipline" them and I had no experience with that and frankly didn't want to. I know that this isn't your case so I'm not saying that's what you did, just trying to point out that as someone who hasn't had kids, it's sometimes hard to want to have an instant family.

I'm sorry you're so hurt though and hope you feel better soon.

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I'm sorry this guy was a jerk and hurt you. ((hugs))

I am sorry this has happened to you.
Truth be told though men can be very selfish, men that are bachelors, some are just looking for a good time with no hassles.
Do hang in there, it's great that you are upfront from the get-go, you should be. Sometimes it is the chance you take in finding that guy that is worth it. During the dating time had you shared with him things that your children have done? Little things that brighten your day or even the the things that make you want to pull your hair out? I think that would of been a way to feel out how his thinking on children were. Not to make every date a discussion about your children but out at a restaurant and a child is there...that is an opportunity to share a memory or something to invoke conversation about your children.

Best of wishes for you and future dating:happy dance:

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~~Christina~~
SAHM with a DH, DS(13), DD(5), DS(4), and DD(2)!
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." ~C.S. Lewis~

This is one fear that I have too. Being a single mom, you have to be careful choosing another person to be in your life.. Now it isn't just you, but other people (your kids) you have to think of.

So sorry that you have to experience this kind of hurt and emotion. Just be glad you only invested 4 months and not a lot longer time to him.

I had talked to him about things my kids did, not always, but on occassion. He has nieces and nephews and would tell me about them. He never really gave me an indication one way or another that he was interested or not interested in having kids. You would assume that if someone is willing to get involved with a single mom that they have at least considered the possibility, but I guess it's not safe to make that assumption.

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Pain is temporary, quitting is forever....

some men are selfish
you would think that men getting involved with a single mother would have considered it but then again who knows???
at some point you will meet that guy...trust me!!! I was a single dating mom then I met my dh who changed everything for me and our son!

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~~Christina~~
SAHM with a DH, DS(13), DD(5), DS(4), and DD(2)!
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." ~C.S. Lewis~

Mine was still so young when I was dating that I had a 1st/2nd date rule meaning on that date we would do something with her. It was very important for me to see how a guy would act around my child, if he would treat me differently, if he would take an interest in her. She is not just going to disappear from my life and right now I can't really "go out" that often so most date activities or time spent together would involve her. These are just the facts of my life right now and they could take them or move on. The choice was theirs. When I did this I never met any guy who treated my daughter bad or wouldn't hold her for a second. I now have a great bf who has just been amazing with accepting her. They're close and we (my bf and I) are too. I have a lot of hope for this relationship.

Note: I'm not recommending moms do what I did. I just felt it was the right way for me and my baby. Any guy who is with me needs to love her equally. I can live without a man. She's my priority.

Whew! You dodged that bullet.

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"I've been rich and I've been poor but independently wealthy is where it is at."

Amen to that! Looking for a good time is right. Guess he wasnt the one, better to find that out now then down the road. Sorry for your hurt

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