Maybe nasty isn't the right word, but I was cleaning my son's room and found a note laying on the floor. The words in it shocked me. I won't write everything in it, but it included references to "kicking in someone's balls" multiple times and pinning them on the walls. It even used the word sexy, which isn't in his vocabulary yet. Our family does not talk like that!! WHen I approached him, he said that a friend of his (4th grader) was telling him his motto. My son wrote it all down. Help...what kind of consequence is appropriate for this type of behavior. To make matters worse, this is the son of one of my closest friends. We spend quite a lot of time together during the day on days off of work and then the kids play at other times. I'm really concerned what he is getting exposed to, and he looks up to this boy and his older brother (6th grade). I've talked to her already about not letting them watch utube when we are over, but the kids always want to show him "funny stuff". I don't think they always know that stuff is inappropriate, just think it is funny on the surface. So, I think I need to approach my friend about this, but what punishment/consequence is good? My heart is so saddened that my little boy would actually write this.

I don't know that I would punishing my own son for it...I would be having a heart to heart with him about it, but I don't know if you need to punish him for it. I would however, be having a conversation with my friend and telling her what happened.

ITA totally w/Oregano.

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I agree with Oregano. I would do a "minor" punishment though. Like maybe take away the computer for a day or something, just so he does know those words are wrong.

I would be more concerned with the upcoming talk I would be having with my friend. That will be very hard, I am sure.

I remember learning a VERY naughty word at that age from an older friend who also had parents close to mine (he was actually my uncle's girlfriend's son). I had NO idea what it was but I saw it on his desk and went home and asked my mom and told her where I saw it. She did call him mom and he was punished. I remember not understanding the big deal everyone was making over the word I just learned!!

I will bet your son has NO idea what he is writing. They are just silly words to him. I would just explain that the words aren't nice and they are unacceptable to use.

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Thanks for the advice. I think he probably doesn't understand what it all means. I just don't want it to happen again. I can only imagine what would happen if a teacher would find something like it at school. Yes...the heart to heart with the other mother will be difficult. She is more leanient with her kids (lets them watch more violent movies, doesn't monitor computer content, etc). She may not really realize how this is a problem and shrug it off. I hope not.

I think you need to limit the time your ds spends with these other boys. Not that they are "bad" kids, but they are older and are exposing him to inappropriate things that he doesn't need to know about. Plus, if the mom is more lenient than you are, you need to supervise when the boys are together. You obviously can't count on your friend to do it.

I'm definitely viewed as the more strict mom. I won't let them play computer at their home anymore. They generally are good kids, family goes to church and they have good values, etc. The other mom does daycare and i think at the end of the day she is fatigued and tired of dealing with kids, so choses to let them play by themselves. It may be different when I am not around, but i have no way of knowing.

Hmmmm, I'm not sure a 'punishment' is needed. A good long sit down we need to have a talk moment, YES. After all, he has been exposed to this child and probably doesn't even know what it is about.

If it were me, I'd definitely either cut/limit contact with this boy. Unfortunately, it might mean your friendship with your friend. I have been going through the same thing with one of my neighbors. If it weren't for the kids, we'd be best friends. WE have so much in common, but I don't like her one son (the other one is OK) and I definitely limit their time together. It's sad that I had to choose, but the kids should always come first, IMO.

Good luck what you choose to do.

I agree with the other moms -- I wouldn't punish your ds. At his age, he doesn't have a clue what he's writing and what those words mean. I think it would be best to explain to him why this letter was innappropriate, talk to the mom of the other boys, and try to limit contact with them.