ill be honest i dont want all my info all over the web due to a court battle. i have a dsd who i love with all of my heart. ive been with them (her dad is my dh)for nearly 6 yrs (she was 3) but i need some help in dealing with the issues and her mom. shes crazy and psycho.

what are your tips for me and dh for those who have went thru the courts??

basically her whole testimony is dh NEVER had contact with her until she was 4 but I was with dh when she was 3. Then she states that we kidnapped her BUT she gave permission for her to be here. (There's NO custody paper work so until awhile ago no one had custody)

the courts awarded her temp custody and her dh is dropping her off late and saying we can keep her an extra xx minutes due to him dropping off late BUT then will we be accused of kidnapping again??

we are doing this because we want her in a consistant life style and her mom is crazy. (she signed affadavids saying she lived in 4 "homes" in 4 weeks. and shes off and on again with her dh and x bf and poor dsd has called every guy she dates "dad" so she thinks she has like 20 dads. i mean come on this is ridicilous.

please shoot me some advice

My best piece of advice is documentaion. Document everything from how she looked to marks on her, her emotional state when she comes back to you from moms house. Provide tons of info on how much more stable you and DH are and how much DSD does with you and your family how her health improves that kind of stuff. And even though DSD is only 6 i would recommend and attorney for her too someone she knows is completely for her and what she wants that way she doesnt feel like she is betraying anyone. My cousin is part of a serperated family and not that his parents went thru what you are facing he still got his own attorney I believe at the age of 10 cause no one would even put his intrests in the game just what the parents wanted. So just remember you are doing everything you can to make her a better life and GOD will see this and help out and things wil work out. Good luck and my prayers and Best wishes are for you

1...get a lawyer...or call for a consult...you'll get good advie from the right lawyer...2..and I'm screaming this at the top of my lungs...DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT...EVERYTHING!!! SInce there are no custody papers, it is hearsay...write it all down..When DH picks up DD for visitation...write down what time, when he drops her off, write down what time. Write down every time they speak on the phone in an on-going phone log. If he has her on a non-specified day, write up a paper stating so and have her sign it giving him permission. Get PROOF of her situation (this is where the lawyer is good).
Good luck!!

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Does Money Matter?

weve been documenting every thing but her dh (convicted drug felon) is the only one to drop off and pick up etc. we hear nothing from her mom. we have an attorney (dads rights activist) and have gotten some advice (document, make sure pick ups and drop offs are done on time) but are there any tricks we can do to have her mess up in court. shes lying and changing her mind all the time but judges dont have time to read all that do they??

btw shes 9. dh and i have been together 6 yrs.

i agree with everyone get a notebook and start documenting every phone call every conversation in detail...also get yourself a good lawyer and get some custody guidlines in writing.. also she may need her own child advocate if things are not going well they are appointed by the court for the child and they help determine what is in the best intrest of the child. my sister and her dh had to get one for her step son his mom is a nut job as well. good luck it will be a tough road.

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Measure wealth not by the things you have, but by the things you have for which you would not take money.

Well, trying to trick her in court is unethical ,and I have no advice how to go about it....but if she is as much of a nut job as you say...she'll do it on her own. The judge should read everything, you can get in contact wit hthe judge's clerk before hand and just ask him or her if the Judge will see such and such documentation...speaking of, make sure you also document who is picking her up and dropping her off...even if it is her DH every time...write it all down, in a custody case there is NO such thing as too much documentation.

We have been back and forth with the courts over the years...it is a SLOW process but the better the documentation, the better the case is for you...Good luck!

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Does Money Matter?

I think a judge will see right through her. I really don't have any advice except that when court is over alot of this should be resolved. We went through this same petty if you will thing of "Oh you were 5 minutes late, so I won't bring him home until 7:05 instead of 7pm." It gets really old! My dh did not succeed in getting joint custody (not married to the mother) she fought that tooth and nail. The thing we forgot about at court was to have vacation time in the court order. We had who drove back and forth in there, the holiday schedule and that included birthdays (child and dad) and father's day. Good luck in everything, it sounds as if you are ready and she's not and you'll be just fine.

First, the orginal accusation of him kidnapping her way back when won't fly in court. If he had really kidnapped her then the mother should have called the day it happend. So the courts will ignore that.

Second, immediately have the court issue a transfer point for the child. This is a location that someone sees the child being transferred between parents. This should not be a relative or friend of either one of you. It can be a police station or a therapist's office. Many states/counties have places that are exclusively for this purpose. This place or person will keep notes of time transferred, how the child reacts (like if they are ccrying and scared and don't want to go with other parent) and any conversations that take place during the transfer. (like them saying they were late and you could keep her x amount of time extra)

I agree with the documentation too... write down every phone call, every converstion and the time it happened.

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WAHM of 7!

We also recorded phone conversations. While they were thrown out they were more importantly heard. They say they did not take what was said into consideration...but they did hear for themselves what a nut job ours was. Things ended up really going our way.

I definetly agree with the documenting every thing. Phone calls, times, and conversation, pick up & drop off times and circumstances, etc. Lawyers usually tell you to keep a diary of these things for court. Even though the judge does not have time to read through the whole thing, the lawyer will review it and bring up the points necessary to the judge during trial. Also, I would suggest a witness anytime there is a face-to-face encounter so the other party cannot make up things that were said or happened. The pick up drop off point someone else suggested also sounds like a good idea.
It is a tough road especially because regardless of the outcome is a daily nerve recking situation and noone needs that kind of stress.

Good Luck,
Ainhoa