Oh my...my 8 yo ds has been telling his 5 yo sis that he hates her. How do I best handle this situation??? Last night, he kept teasing her with a glow in the dark star he has in his room. He dropped it after teasing her and she go it. Then he pinned her down to get it from her. Dh interrupted their fight and took away the star as ds had been warned the previous night about teasing her with it and keeping her awake. Ds yells "I hate you" and dh said what was that and he said it again to my dd. Within the past 2 weeks he's said it a few times to her...at 1st we tried to ignore it, then we reprimanded him and then we punished him by sending him to his room. After dh left the room, dd came in 5 minutes later to me and said the ds told her she was lower then dirt and he hated her more than spit. WTH??? Now my ds has never been violent or nasty...usually just regular sibling rivalry stuff. I told him that was enough...be quiet and go to sleep and we'll discuss it in the morning (as it was getting late and I was trying to get my 8 month old asleep...he's had an ear infection since Sat and the antibiotics were upsetting his little belly so it was hard to get him to sleep).

I just don't know what to do with him. I had a calm talk with him this morning about it when dd was still upstairs. I asked him if he really knew what hate meant and what types of people in out world used that word. He is gifted and is able to grasp things pretty well...I briefly told him that there are bad people in the world who hate others because of their skin color or because the believe in a different God and that they hate people so much they kill them. I asked him if that's how he really felt...did he want his sister to be dead? He shocked me and said..."well sometimes"...YIKES!!! Then he started to cry, and said no he didn't want her to be dead but that she annoys him so much it gives him a headache. I just don't know what to do...any thoughts on this???

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WAHM to Richie, Becca & Ryan!

So your ds and dd share a room? Is there any way they could be separated? It sounds like your ds could use some space to call his own, although obviously, that might not be possible.

I would try not to focus too much on the word 'hate' and overexplaining it to him. I would just tell him that you do not like it and don't want him to say that to his sister. Period. When he does it, tell him immediately, "we do NOT use that word in this house" and either remove him from the situation, give him a time out, whatever works for you. Kids fight...and bicker and generally bug each other. I think it's just a part of growing up.

Does your dd and ds ever play together well? Or are they just at odds with each other all the time...? Could your ds be craving attention? Maybe some time alone to play with daddy or mommy?

They each have their own rooms but they are connected...I have a curtain hanging in the doorway between the rooms for privacy. However my dd does sleep in the bottom of my ds's bunkbed, which my ds agreed to. We live in a very old house and there's no way for him to have his room disconnected form hers. We plan to move in 3 yrs. when he's 11 or by that time convert the extra room on the 1st floor to an extra bedroom, but right now that's not possible.(right now it's a play room as I babysit part time and my office) Plus he's never in his room anyway except to sleep, he prefers to read and play downstairs in the living/family room. When he would say he hated her before we told him that hurts peoples feelings and that we do not say it to other people, especially to other family members. We also discussed how God wants us to treat others the way we want to be treated and how would it make him feel if someone who he loved said that to him. We also said that Daddy and I fight and disagree sometimes but has he ever heard us say we hate each other?? He said no...because dh and I have never said that to each other.
They do play well together at times: board games, outside play etc, but many times I can tell ds is bothered by dd's constant chattering. I have to admit that dd is very bossy and demanding. She seems to annoy him about 70% of the time. I jst don't want her to feel the way I felt growing up...I have 3 older brothers and the one right above my..6 yrs. older then me always made me feel like he resented me since the day I was born. He also told me this morning that he wanted 2 brothers(like his friend has), not a sister and a brother. I told him well God chooses who joins our family and god obviously wanted him to have a sister and brother. I'm really dreading the teenage years!

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WAHM to Richie, Becca & Ryan!

Oh boy. How mean siblings can be. Since they are so young I would try to have him say sorry then hug. Maybe fing somethings that they both like to get a better bond with each other. Ask him why ds hates dd. What did she do and so on. He might want the attention.
My brother was good to me but then there was times when he teased me or use to scare me.

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What I have found this happens when my kids are together too much or bothering each other. I try to step in and take one somewhere or find an activity for them to do quickly. Also sometimes that just happens when they are board. I do tell my girls that's isn't appropriate to say. You can not like what they are doing but we don't tell others we hate them.

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Misty
I am a AP mother to: Chauncy, Meghan, Apple

did you think about maybe trying to correct her behavior???? I'm not in this situation, but if she is bossy and demanding and talks all the time, that might drive anyone nuts (no offense) and she might have a difficult time keeping friends when she gets older..... by no means should he say he hates her, but she might be getting on his last nerve