where to draw the line.............

Jillypoo · **where to draw the line.............**

Where do you draw the line when letting your kids grow up? What age do you consider that they are old enough to make their own decisions?

Christy · 03-08-2008, 09:41 AM

I'm not quite there yet but I often think about that too.

My parents sheltered me from a lot...and I think that is what made me the person I am today, however I don't know if I could do the same to my kids because their world is so different from the one I grew up in.

I do want them to make mistakes. I do want them to learn from them. However, I don't want them to get hurt or mixed up in the wrong crowd, but don't know how to "protect" them from everything (the Mama Bear complex). It is important that they own their decisions and see them through...so I too am conflicted at what age it's "appropriate" for them to be 100% responsible for the decisions, actions and consequences.

I'm curious to hear the responses here as well. Good topic Jill.

2bearsmom · 03-08-2008, 09:42 AM

OH that is tough! It definitly varies. Some decisions they can start making young (ie, picking out their clothes, what they're bringing for lunch etc) and that starts the process of them making their own decisions. Of course the harder decisions will come later in life, but as a parent all you can really do is help prepare them the best you can. Every kid is going to make mistakes, but it is important they learn from them too.

My kids are young and so I can't say it comes with a certain age...for me I think it is going to be one of those eye openeing days when I realize my teen is actually ready to make their own decisions, but I can start them on the right path with making the right decisions NOW....

Did that make any sense?

melsb · 03-08-2008, 10:03 AM

At age 4 years and 8 months, mine aren't there yet!

But thinking from when I worked with the boys -- they were all so different. And ALL of them always thought they could handle more than what they were capable of. And with my kids, my daughter will turn 18 at the beginning of her senior year and my son will be 17 when he graduates high school (if all goes as planned, of course).

Chantelle · 03-08-2008, 10:09 AM

great question! Mine are 7 and 2 both make are pretty independant i think for their age. they each pick out their clothes, food, choose decorations and sometimes where we eat BUT I often struggle with knowing when to let go of the reins a little. They are by my side at all times. for example I am often criticized by my family for not letting my 7 yr old go to the restroom alone. We always go to a family restroom or dh has to go in with him (not the stall) He is mature enough but I am more afraid of other adults.

Happymom · 03-08-2008, 02:25 PM

It totally depends on the decision they need to make. Each child and each situation is different.

LJGZsmom · 03-08-2008, 05:19 PM

I think it is different for every child and depends on the choice that needs to be made. One child may be capable of making most decsions (sp?) at 14, while your other child is not ready until they are 16. Each person matures differently.

I also think it can be a case of "pick your battles." We had a family in our old church who had a 16year old boy. The boy was very kind and respectful but came to church with a purple mohawk. And sometimes different colors. Everyone thought it was insane and wondered why the mother let her child do this. When talking to her one day she explained it to me this way. Her son is obedient, works hard at school, has a job and helps out at home. He doesn't smoke, drink, use drugs, sleep around or party. They have a very open relationship and he tells her what is going on in his life. So is his hair choice really that important. She would rather him rebell by this wild hair and know he is not doing anything wrong and know where he is, than fight him on it, him get made and start to become extremely rebellious.

I think that our kids need to learn to cooperate and obey, but they also need to know that their feelings are important to us. Plus if you create an open and honest relationship with your child they will feel like they can talk to you and not sneak around behind your back with their choices. If we raise our kids right, by the time they graduate high school they should be capable of making choices on their own. But they should also know when they need help.

deemom · 03-08-2008, 11:21 PM

It depends on how responsible that child is, and what the decision is in regards. Sometimes it can be a good lfe experience to learn from making a bad choice, but it has to be hard to watch them make a decision you know is wrong or not in their best interests. Luckily I don't have to worry about this yet since my oldest is only 7. But at any age you definitely learn to pick your battles as a parent.