Has anyone experienced these? How do you deal with them?

DH and I haven't had children yet, but we have always known that we will do anything for me to stay at home with our children until they leave the home. It is a big commitment, but we think this is best for our family.

I have a little brother who is much younger than me and is in middle school and my mother stays at home with him just like she did with me. She has a masters degree, but feels that this is what she should do and of course she wants to do this. Last Christmas my FIL asked if my mom was "working" and I told him that she stays at home....and his reply was "but he is in school? What is there to do?"

This BROKE my heart, because I fear this is a glimpse into attitudes we will get in a year or two. I was soooo angry, but I tried my best to be polite and explain how incredibly awesome of job she has taken on. Plus the the two of are practically best friends I mean how often does that happen?

I didn't say this, but I was thinking of how much better quality of life my side of our family has than my DHs. MIL and FIL both don't need to work, but they choose to spend money in ways my parents would never dream (smoking, expensive electronics, occasional gambling, etc.)

I know a wrote a novel, but his comments have been weighing heavy on my heart and I would appreciate any advice your examples of what other people have gone through.

Thank you so much -- Ann

I have 4 kids 9,8,6 and 3. I also watch some kids in the home too. Which I love to do or I wouldn't do it. I worked outside the home when my oldest was born but after I would be working to have my kids on daycare. I wasn't making enough. An that was nine years ago I can not imagine what it would be like now. I have a college degree and worked on my field for 2 yrs before we had kids.

People sometimes ask me if I will go to "work" after the baby is in school. When I tell them probably not. They ask what will I do. Well Not everyone is going to be health at the same time. There are doctors appts, class parties, sporting events. I know people who have 4 kids can work outside of the home but I want to be there for my kids in everyway possible. Plus maybe I will get to do something for myself.

My husband doesn't expect me to work outside the home after the baby is in school. Why does it matter to everyone else how we choose to live?

I am proud I have a college education and I am proud that I am a SAHM.

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Lisa

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. ~Fran Lebowitz

I actually had a family member tell me that I was wasting my college degree by staying home. I replied that an education is NEVER a waste.

My kids are in school and I work part time in the school cafeteria, because I still want to be home with them on days off and over the summer. I have found that my kids are most talkative right after school - i would hate to miss that time with them.

Kids can get into a lot of trouble in those after school hours, too - a while back I read an article that said most teenagers who are having sex are doing so between the hours of 3 and 5 PM. As a previous poster also said - there are still doctors appointments, sick kids, etc.

Don't let anyone try to change your mind about your decision - it is solely between your DH and you. If you are financially able to stay home and that is what you truly want to do, good for you!

Just let them roll off your back, My brother just said something to me today, about how my husband works 12 hour days and I do nothing. You are doing it for your child, no one else, and your work will pay off.

I just reminded him, yes, I do nothing, but raise a future member of society. Right. Sounds like nothing.

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Julie
Momma to a three year old nugget, and wife to a goofball

I don't think you need to worry about what anyone else thinks regarding your plans of staying home with children. It's none of their business anyway.

It just comes with the territory. Even people who don't mean to be insulting will say things I find offensive. I will buy someone a gift and they'll thank dh because they think it's his money. (Sorry, it's our money and if left up to dh, you wouldn't have gotten that gift. He's not mean or stingy, but he just doesn't think of stuff like that.) My brother asked me if I feel bad for sitting home and "doing nothing" while dh works. Um, you come and try to do "nothing" full time and see who is working harder.

All that matters is that you and dh are happy with your decision.

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~Vicki~
Mama to Hailey, 4 and Ella, 2

I worked when my kids were babies and just 4 months ago got the chance to be a SAHM. Now a lot of people have asked me what I'm doing with all my spare time and asking if I'm bored. I am WAY more busier now that I was before!! That's usually my response to them too.

I think you should feel good about your decision to put your family first. Even after children are in school there is still laundry to wash, groceries to purchase, and a home to make. If someone is taking care of the home and making sure that all resources are put to good use, that can save enough time and money to more than equal another salary. Besides the point that you are not paying someone who is making close to minimum wage to raise your children.

Our home is so much calmer than those of our friends where both parents work outside the home. I find it fasinating that my working friends feel free to look at me with concern in their eyes and ask if I'm "OK" with "just staying home". Think of the backlash if I asked them if they considered not having children so that they could concentrate on their career.

My friend and I were just talking about this today. She is unmarried and doesn't have kids, but she spends time at my house and sees what my life is like. My inlaws don't have college degrees, but I have a Master of Marketing Communications degree. I also stay at home with my kids. I have had his relatives make remarks about how I'm not using my degree and my reply to them is succinct.

One, I got the education I did because I wanted to. I have always had a burning desire to learn and that meant that I liked school. My main motivation was not to make more money, although when you have more education chances are you will make more.

Two, the education I have will stay with me for life. No one can take it away from me. It makes me a better parent and I try to pass on all that I know or can learn to my children. I do not believe you need a degree in order to do that, I just happen to have one.

Three, how do I know what will happen in the future? My husband could be killed in a freak accident or decide he doesn't want to be married anymore. It will be easier to support my kids if that does occur if I have a degree.

My BIL just said recently he isn't sure he wants to pay for his daughter to go to a really good college because he's afraid she'll just get married and stay home with kids. I was really offended with his statement, and asked him why he's willing to deprive her of the best education possible because of what might happen in the future. People like that are clueless and will always be so. If they don't get it, they never will.

But I bet my BIL won't make that kind of statement around me again!

I do hate it when people act as though you are uneducated just because you choose to stay at home. I mean I am totally NOT knocking moms that work! One of my bestfriends HAS to work part-time just to pay the bills and the other one HAS to work full-time so that they could afford to raise their children a house of their own.

However, I will say this. My daughter is almost 13 months old, and my Dad was just commenting this evening how well adjusted she is. She is confident and smart. She doesn't cling to me like children do of working mom's because they crave the attention. I also work on signing w/ her and she had a verbal vocabulary of about 10 words. My Dad was just saying how geat it is that I work w/ her and help her reach her max. potential.

Now I'm not saying that a working mom's children can't reach their potential...but I am saying that it would be much harder! I mean I do WAY more than keep up w/ the house! I spend time w/ her on the floor..playing games, reading books. We have outings and play groups. I do work part-time at a bakery 1 day a week and I love to get out of the house...but if I worked more than that, I would miss my daughter too much! She is my "right hand woman!" Our relationship is amazing and I get most of the housework done while she is napping so I'm not rushing around like I would be, if I worked all day.

I wouldn't trade the WORK that I do for anything! I know I pull my weight in our family! It's one of the best decisions I have ever made! I'm just very grateful that I had the option!

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Bekah
Co-founder and CEO of the NOVITZKE FAMILY INC.