Seventh and eighth grade were the toughest years with my oldest DD. She is now a senior in highschool, and while not perfect, it is SO much better!! We are pretty strict here...and I think that having those strong guidelines is what got us and her through it. Good luck.

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I don't think she really hates you!!! She wrote it down as a way of venting. If she really hated you she would tell you, or give you the letters!!!!

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~Happiness is a large family~

I think when I found the I hate Mom book....that was the title of her notes for real...I started to remember when I felt the same way about my Mom. I swore I would not turn into my Mom but I find it so hard. I wonder sometimes if I am handling her wrong. I feel so exhausted...I tell her to do something and she argues with me. Then I say the same things my mom said to me like " Don't use that tone of voice with me", Stop with your lip", Go to your room until you learn how to quit back talking me!". I SOUND LIKE MY MOM!
It is hard...I don't even know how to talk to her. I take her things away from her but to be honest...she doesn't even use them anyway. She has started to want to talk to her friends on the phone more so I have been using that as a punishment...taking the phone away. I have also decided that if she wants to buy something she will have to earn it. No more letting my parents buy her stuff...only for special days like B-day's, Christmas...etc.
The money she gets for her grades she can use for the things she wants to buy. 1/2 will be put into a savings. This way she knows if she wants stuff to buy then she needs to work hard in school and get good grades. Of course I will be still in chrge of that money...she will have to get my approveal.
She is responsible for her room and bathroom...but atleast twice a year I go up and do a full cleaning...organize clothes...get rid of clutter...etc. During the week she has her room, folding clothes...putting them away, her softball practice (two nights a week), and studying/homework/reading. She also does a travel team 2 weekends a month. I think that is reasonable for me to ask her to help out with laundry and her room....but if I ask her to do anything extra she says I make her do everything. I thought that the softball would be too much but we came to an understanding that her education came first and if the grades dropped then she would have to stop softball. I am a little strict but that is because I feel like I need to guide my kids...I do a lot of yelling and feel like I am always loosing my patients between the three of them. My 12 yr old dd is not even my biggest pain in the a%^, my 6 yr old ds is going to be the death of me. Thank God my 3 yr old dd is sweet and easy.

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Heather
Mom to three dd 14, ds 8, dd 5

Go look at my post on the special needs board about my kids. I posted it after giving you advice. It may make you realize that you are not alone.

You just said everything I was going to write!!

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I never talked about my mom like that. and i was a BAD kid. I got in trouble all the time at school. we were poor and I knew it. my parents worked hard and I never asked because I felt selfish for them having to sacrifice to get me things I really needed. thats probably why I'm such a cheap freak now. My mom may tell you a different story. I'll ask her tonight and post what nasty things I said about her. I do know that as a kindergartener I told her she was dumb. I forgot the exact term I used. I didn't even remember, she always tells this story. she couldn't read English and I was learning to read. I do know that she was very hurt by it. I did apologize(as an adult).

allgirls

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allgirls, mom to 3 girls

ITA with Stacia's post...

It sounds like you guys need a heart to heart. Could you take her on a walk or out for dinner, just the two of you and have a good talk? Maybe she thinks that you just won't understand her world but you can make sure that she understands that you love her no matter what and are always there for her.

I had my share of teenage issues but I was never disrespectful of my parents. I never tried anything (even if I was thinking it...LOL) because I knew it would not be tolerated. That's just the way I was brought up. If I wanted to have a melt down, fine...but I had to do it in my room. I'm sure it has a lot to do with a child and mother's personality and their relationship etc

My younger sister always felt that she got the 'short end of the stick' in our family. My older sister and I always shake our heads. We were all brought up the same way and in fact, my younger sister got things that we never got. A TV in her room, no curfew etc etc It just goes to show that even if things seem fair, people interpret things so differently. So maybe she does feel left out for some reason or that she's not getting the same amt of things or love or whatever, it certainly may not be accurate but it's just how she's feeling.

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