DH called the police on his cousin yesterday and he was taken away. This is his 4th attempt (that I know of) for the hospital. At this point we're hoping he is sent away for awhile but who knows - this hospital on the previous times asked him if he was ready to leave and he would say yes.

This leaves my husband with his cousin's rat hole of an apartment. Again, we live 2 hours away from him and we do not have a truck. He has no money to speak of though he evidently has an extensive knife collection.

My thoughts on the matter is for my husband to go down there (I'm not taking the kids to this apartment) and sort through his stuff. DH can put a "Free" sign on most of his items - like I said, we don't have a truck to move things. And the rest, the knife collection, his computer, clothing and anything else put into a storage shed.

As we do not have the $$ for said storage shed and I'm not really inclined to pay for it even if we did, my thoughts were, to sell some of his collectors knives to pay for the shed. What do you think? Acceptable? I'm going to run it past my husband this morning and see what he thinks. When DH and I first got together we ended up paying for 2 years on his mother's storage shed (don't ask why we were doing that) and it kind of is a sore subject for me.

Is the cousin in decent mental shape to ASK him what he wants done with his stuff and how he would like it paid for? I agree it's not your responsibility to pay for a shed, but I'm also not sure you can just sell his personal belongings without his permission. Is there no other family nearby that has a garage or something to store the stuff in? What a mess! It's wonderful you & your dh still care enough to try to help him, but I can see how this could get tiring and overwhelming.

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There is no one to take his stuff. Don't ask me how you can live 20+ years in someplace and not even have a friend to even take you to the hospital.

I'm not even sure if he has the knives back because his ex-girlfriend put them with her father for safe keeping. I know he at least has one of them because he chopped all of his plants with it. Is he stable enough to talk to over this ... I don't know. He was stable enough to leave his debit card and pin number for my husband. But he also was hitting himself in the head with a piece of wood and posting pictures of it on MySpace. So I don't know.

So I can see what you're saying about selling his stuff ... I guess I was just thinking that if we didn't do anything then his apartment manager would probably just deal with it.

He also has a car that I haven't a clue what to do with either. I don't know. I asked DH he maybe his aunt (the mother of the cousin) might help out a bit but that isn't likely either.

It stinks being the nice guy or the responsible people sometimes. You are too nice to just turn your heads. I don't know what would be the best solution. I guess I would try to gather up what may be the most important items and donate the rest. What else can you do?

Could you put as much stuff of his that will fit in his car and then store the car in someone's existing garage?

Now that's a thought!!

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That is a thought.

If your husband is up to it, I'd go to the apartment and remove anything that your or the family would hate to lose (family pictures, heirlooms, collectibles, etc). If your husband really wants to do the cousin a favor, he can also get the brother's important documents (checkbook, tax info, etc) and maybe his computer. Other than that, I'd let the landlord deal with it all.

Let me put it this way ... dealing with his apartment while he is in the hospital is enabling his behavior. He isn't motivated to get well unless the family quits stepping in to be his safety net without even the cousin bothering to ask for help. If he loses everything, oh well, he loses everything. Maybe knowing his stuff isn't sitting in a storage shed somewhere awaiting his return will keep him in the hospital for lack of anywhere else to go.

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"I've been rich and I've been poor but independently wealthy is where it is at."