My stepmom is very gossipy. She's the type that knows everything about everyone and just spills everyone's beans all over! She will talk to anyone and about anyone! I have stopped telling her private things about my life the past 2 years. She knows where we live, where my husband works, and my kids names and where they go to school (and even that is more than I'd like her to know, I wish we could move sometimes!). Anything else, if she asks, I politely say it's none of your business or I'd rather not talk about it, etc. They only live about 5 miles from me and I feel like I have to protect my kids from her belligerence! I even told my dad (bless his heart) that I don't even like talking to him about detailed stuff in my life, even when I'd love his help, because I know that he will tell her. And if she knows I might as well drive around town shouting my business all over the place through a bull horn! We went to a family reunion this summer and was told by a relative that lives out of state that they were "keeping up" with me through my stepmom. I was speechless not to mention hurt!!! What could she possibly be telling people about me? Ugh...sorry to vent, but the other post really struck a nerve!!!

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"The best things in life are not things." ~Unknown
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Perhaps you're being a tad hyper-sensitive. Whenever I see relatives or get a letter from my dear ol' aunt, she'll mention about "we went to your cousin's daughter's baptism", etc. It is harmless news. Perhaps that is all your distant relative meant.

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"I've been rich and I've been poor but independently wealthy is where it is at."

I don't think I'm being overly sensitive at all, but I'm sure venting in a lashing-out way about it won't help anything. I've had 25+ years of this person and I've truly had all I can take of her. I've had therapy in the past so that I don't parent like her. Something happened a couple weeks ago and now I have to see her on a regular basis again, after all I've done to distance myself and my family, it is driving me crazy! So, sorry to have vented, just sometimes I feel like "AAAHH!!!"!

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"The best things in life are not things." ~Unknown
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I think there's a lot more to this story. She may be proud of your family or just using you as part of a conversation. Some people just talk to talk. It doesn't sound like there's malicious intent, but again, I don't think we have the whole story.

How do you politely tell someone it's none of their business??

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Make someone's heart smile today.

My mom does the same thing! Last year, when DH was having a hard time at work and things were just frustrating with our bills, I was on the phone with my mom and just vented to her about it because, well, because she's my mom and I figured (being that we grew up living paycheck to paycheck with my dad struggling at work) she'd at least understand, and maybe JUST MAYBE give me a snippet of encouragement. Nope, she just went and blabbed our business to her aunt, who is just nosy to begin with, and I get an email from my great aunt saying how I should be going back to work and DH should go to college so he can have a "real job" and blah blah blah.. that wasn't the only person she told.. she just let my business flap out in the wind and leak into every conversation she had.

I could understand someone asking how we're doing (we live out of state) and she wants to update them. Totally understandable. But use a little descrepancy and tell them we're doing good and DS is growing up quick, etc. If she were even bragging, it'd be something totally different. But being proud has nothing to do with it... more like she gets her kicks on airing my dirty laundry to everyone. She'll say "well, her husband is struggling at work and they're barely keeping their bills paid and she's depressed about not being able to get pregnant even though they've tried for 3 years and she does fertility charting.. you know, with the temperatures and the cervical fluid" (that has happened by the way!)

When people ask how my parents are doing, I am respectful of their personal information and keep it simple and descreet ("they're doing well, mom's working full-time at the hospital and dad's working alot as well too. thanks for asking")

I guess, for me, it's frustrating and makes me sad b'c I want to be able to get close and be real with each other. She's my mom and I want that tight relationship. But I can't talk to her about things, at all. It makes me sad.

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I so know what you are talking about. Sadly, after so many year of her behavior, I have come to the realisation that my mom is toxic and we have had to cut her out of our lives to a certain extent. When it got to the point where her behavior was affecting my children the way it used to affect me, my hubby and I had to make a decision, I am not proud of it but we have given her so many chances and I have been very honest with her about how her actions affect other people. Just thinking about her makes me upset, I don't know how my dad stands to be around her.

I started typing an explanation type backstory. However, 25+ years worth of explaining someone that I can't change is INCREDIBLY long and pointless, because things have been the same way since I was 5 years old. Lizzysue and flybygrace seem to understand the type of person she is; very hurtful. As a child what got me through was telling myself that when I grow up I can leave and never have to subject myself to her again, which really can't happen if I want to see my dad. As a teenager, my mom got custody of us so I used to dismiss her behavior because I didn't have to live with her anymore. But since I've become a mom myself, the mama bear in me comes out and I feel very protective of my kids in regards to her. My dad did not protect us (my older sister and I) from her, but I WILL protect my kids from her.

P.S. - How can I say "It's none of your business." and still be polite? Love for my children and lots of practice.

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"The best things in life are not things." ~Unknown
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Sounds like my stepmom. My dad was so oblivious to what was going on. I got out after 2 years of her and moved in with my mom. But I have had to make amends with the past and her so that I can have a relationship with my dad.

Ok I don't know the whole story but from a daughters point of view, a mothers point of view and a stepmom's point of view I can understand it all.

My mom and I don't have any kind of relationship because she is mean and spitful. When my dad was alive he acted as a go-between us and that worked out great!

As a mother I know that I irrate my daughter by telling stuff. But I am so proud of her daughters that I am always bragging and my dd is a very private person and she does get embrassed. I also try to give her parenting advice, that she doesn't listen to. I don't do it to be mean or think that she can't do it. I have been in the postion that she is in and don't want dd to make the same mistakes with her kids that I feel like maybe I made.

As a stepmom's point of view, being a stepmom is one of the hardest and less thankful job that you will ever have. If you try to be a mother figure you are accused of trying to take their mothers place. If you try to distance yourself you are accused of not wanting to have a relationship with the stepkids. In other words, in most cases you are damn if you do and damn if you don't.

I am not making excuses for your stepmom, because I don't know the whole story. But I really don't think that you have to tolerate her just to see your dad.

Maybe you could meet your dad at his place of work one day for lunch, or at the park somewhere with out the stepmom.