If any one had to develope one can you tell me what you put on it. What things were musts for you. As a step parent MY big thing is Father's Day week end with Dad and Mother's Day week end with her mom. Also that she stays in the school in which she *wishes*.

Sorry you are going through this. I'm not familiar with the specifics of your situation but due to my former DHs computer activities, I did include in the parenting plan that he would not engage in any inappropriate activities while our DS was in his custody. I forget how it's worded but it's supposed to mean that he's not supposed to look at ****, etc. when our son is with him. I really have no way to know if this is occurring and no way to enforce it, but I feel better knowing that it is in writiing and a legal document that he is supposed to do this.

We did not make any specifics for any 'days' in the parenting plan as we have been flexible with each other and I encourage DS and his Dad to be together whenever possible. It's that time of year though and we have DS birthday and all the holidays in the next 2 months to still iron out so if you can't communicate then you need to have it spelled out ahead of time. I detest my ex DH but communicate with him because it is best for my DS whom I adore.

Please remember that the most important part of this is the CHILD - not the vengeance, the anger or the hurt. If everyone can keep the child's best interest in mind then it should not be hard to work together.

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I would make sure about the holidays- especially Christmas. Maybe have one parent can have child Christmas eve until noon and the other parent have them until noon the next day. If you do somethig like that have it be so it trades off every year. i agree about the Father's day and Mothers day. Are you trying for full or partial custody? Definately try to have everyother weekend visitation, if you have difficulty with the ex, set up a neutral pick up, drop off location and times. If the child is in school have vacation time during summer vacation (like one month at other parents house- keeping the everyother weekend visitation going). Good luck!

I don't know your situation so I don't know how picky/specific you will need to be. In our situation we unfortunately have to spell everything out or my DH ex will take advantage of the smallest thing. It is all about her and not my SS.

When my SS was younger we had to include a specific bedtime. We do have the Mother's day and Father's day is a day each parent gets him regardless to who has visitation on that day. It is not a day that is "swapped" out. We used to have that SS would spend the day/evening (depends on school schedule) with each parent on their b-day, but that has gone by the wayside. Who ever has the child on his b-day keeps the child.

HOlidays - switch every other year. So in even years one parent has him for Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. In odd years no Thanksgiving and Christmas Day. Easter would switch back and forth. Summer & winter breaks are split 50/50 with one parent getting the beginning week/month and the other getting the tail end. Generally the tail end parent is the one getting the child ready to go back to school with a routine. Pick up times are specific too. Basically the parent that wants the child has to pick up. That way it is fair and not one parent is doing all the driving.

Pick-up times are specified with a leeway time (30 minutes) built in. THen if no call is recieved saying they will be late then you are not obligated to stick around if you have plans. You will keep the child under the assumption the other parent did not want to exercise visitation that week/time.

Extra curricular activities - practices and games are mandatory (unless child is sick or out of town) and is the parent with visitation responsibility to get them there on time. Who pays for sign-ups or is it split.

Child support is spelled out how much and when it is due. Medical insurace coverage and who will pay co-pays and deductibles and amounts not covered (generally split 50/50) Orthodonture information included.

Try to think ahead so you don't have to revise the document constantly as the child is growing up.

School involvement - it is up to each parent to get information from the school - hopefully they will work together, but this way one parent can't point a finger at the other and say it was their fault for not sharing information. ANy incident should be shared with both parents. Both parents' contact information should be listed on enrollment forms.

Notice in writting with in so many hours or days if child is going to be taken out of state - the form of transportation, contact number incase of an emergancy... Notice in writting within 24 hours of new phone number and 72 hours of change of address, employment information. Depending on child support you may want to include that documentation of pay be reported in writting within so many days. This could effect you in a positive or negative way.

Depending on shild's age - he/she should have own bedroom and not share a bed with parent.

If child is in daycare or afterschool care program who pays the bills. Is it 50/50, or the parent only pays for the part used while child is in their custody. It may be state mandated 50/50 (CA is that way).

If there is any person forbidden to be around the child.

Of course the biggest thing is who has visitation when. I lnow there is more, but my brain is fried now. Let me know if you need more.

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The more spelled out the better. It is very costly to have to go back and have revisions done. No order is full proof. People will often try and manipulate each other to change things out side of the agreement if they do not like what the order says. My dsd mom is a real pain in the butt. She is always playing games and trying to upset dh. She seems jealous now that we have a dd together and is back to her old tricks.

My biggest suggestion when deciding what to include is get a really good lawyer. I must say we paid more for the one we chose but she knew what she was doing. She guided us through it. She helped us know what options we had and what was unreasonable to expect. Ask around and pay the $ to get someone who knows what the heck they are doing. I have a friend who didn't research before he hired and he is definately in a much worse situation than we are.

Good Luck.

Cheesecake Lady got most of it.

We also had a specific paragraph for relocation. In other words, the primary parent can not move out of state with the children. I know some people do a certain distance instead, like 200 miles or something like that.

Also, did anyone mention health benefits. The actually health insurance and uncovered bills (what the insurance doesn't cover). The uncovered bills should be 50/50 at the least.

We rotate holidays, Thanksgiving one year and Christmas the next, and birthdays we pretty much keep it who ever has the kids on that day. They usually end up with two birthday parties anyway. One family and one friends.

Let's see if I think of anything else I will add it.

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Stacey

The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls. ~ Elizabeth Cady Stanton