Determine Underlying Wants
When it comes to wanting material things, it’s rarely about the “stuff” and more often about some other underlying wish or desire. Digging a little deeper into the “why” of what you’re dreaming about can really help you in figuring out what’s really at play when you get the urge to spend.

Here is a situation one of my friends – let’s call her Beth -- faced this year. She could have applied $5,000 towards debt (she has considerable credit card balances) or added a deck to the back of her house. The urge to build a deck was definitely stronger for her. Her emotions got stirred whenever she pictured the deck and what it would mean for her family. When I talked to her about it, it became clear that it wasn’t really the deck itself that she wanted. Here’s a summary of how it went (with quite a bit of paraphrasing):

Q: Why do you want a new deck?
A. So we would have a nicer place to eat outside with the family in the summer. Right now we just have a picnic table.

Q: Why would a deck be “nicer” than what you have right now?
A: Because it would be more relaxing than eating inside in the summer.

Q: Why would it be more relaxing than eating inside in the summer?
A: Because the kids could play in the yard and I could spend time talking to my husband without them on top of us.

Ding ding ding! What Beth really is visualizing as part of her dream is to have more time alone with her husband (or less time with her kids, depending on how you look at it). Sometimes it takes longer than three questions to get to the root of what you really want, so keep on digging deeper if you don’t get to the source right away. In her case, she could accomplish this less expensively by scheduling a regular date night with her husband and even offering to swap babysitting hours with another family so that it doesn’t have to cost a penny.

Assignment: Once you get in touch with your feelings and determine what it is you’re REALLY after, you’ll be able to find ways to satisfy the need without spending the money. Take a look at your list of dreams again. Is there a way you can tap into the underlying wants that fuel the desire for certain things on your list? Is there a way to fulfill those underlying wants without things?

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This is a great point, Kim! I never really thought of it this way. Sure, I've looked at others and said, "Oh, he just got that because he's insecure about . . .blah blah blah" Some inner searching may reveal something about myself that I hadn't realized!

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Homeschooling Mom to Daniel (13 Years), Andrew (10 Years), Stephen (8 Years) and Emily (4 Years)

I wish my DH could understand this concept. Heck, I need to understand it better myself...

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Michele

I know, this is a hard concept to grasp. It helps me to write about it because it brings clarity to the concept for me, personally.

I think another thing to add about the importance of getting in touch with the deeper wants and desires: In doing so, you're not placing your goals in some external place, but rather seeking to fulfill them from within. A thing can't bring you happiness if you haven't figured out what it is about that thing that you're really "needing". The ironic part is when you DO discover that inner "need" you no longer need the external thing.

So, why is it important to list your goals/dreams? I think they're a great learning tool than can help you get in touch with your inner self. As you go along, you may decide that ultimately a lot of those goals don't mean much to you anymore and you can cross them off your list. Other times, certain ones become magnified and more intense. Ultimately, the ones that become magnified are the ones that resonate with who you are deep inside; not on the outer superficial level. It's OK to have a mix of both - sometimes GOOD to have both - because they help us learn about ourselves in different ways.

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Well I am try to catch up. I kind of fell off the band wagon with the start of the summer and a very stressful totaling of my car. This is where my FTJ Journal left off. I have been looking at it all 45 pages of my journal. I am starting to feel like I need to redo many steps. This summer has changed some of the dirrections that I was going in. I have dreams and goals to go in a total different dirrection.

So here is my new important goal and that is turn my hobby into something more then a hobby. Why is this important to me? I see myself being a SAHM for another 5-8 years at least and we have not got anywhere with our debt. Thanks to a car accedent I am now $5000 behind where I was when I started my debt reduction plan. The goal to have everything paid off in 3 years just doesn't seem possible with the increase.
So I signed up for a couple classes just to learn about what more I could do with my hobby. The first question the instructor asked was "What you hope to get out of this class?" My answer being that I wanted to earn a little extra money with my hobby. Her reply stuck with me that no I could earn alot of money. That she had this little thing called her mortgage in NYC and she had to pay it. So it opened my eyes to doing more then sell my knitting patterns on line but into I should submit my ideas for publication, Submit my ideas to companies that will get me royalties on my patterns.

So there is my underlying want to get out of debt and be a little more self sufficiant at the same time. The Desire to do it with something I am passionate about. At the same time I need to do it without breaking the bank.

It seams like I am once again in a stage of transition. Trying to re-organize my goals and priorities. The idea of starting my own buisiness both scares and excites me.

On top of them I still have strong health related goals. I just spent more money then I should on them. Last month I joined a gym. If I am paying to have a place to excercise I will do it. So far I have been reaching the goal of 3 times or more a week. Yes the gym isn't going to help with the get out of debt goal yet at the same time it will with my, loose weight get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy goals. They are big goals for me and I need something to keep me going toward them. My DH and I have started working out together for us its having a support system. I go to alot of classes having a set day and time I need to be at class is helping me not put off going

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Kimberly Proud Mommy to Bethany Rose April 2006 &

Organizer of the Coupon Clippers of Tacoma

Yes, her reply is a perfect example of how we often sell ourselves short as adults forget to dream big. I think we (myself included) tend to censor our own dreams to something that seems realistic instead of what we really want - when we should be shooting for the stars.

If you go back and review your dream list, does it include "realistic" goals, or beyond-your-wildest-imagination goals too? It doesn't hurt to put those on there at all. In fact, you should almost treat life as a catalog. What would you "order" if nothing were ruled out?

P.S. I'm glad to hear you're back on board! I will get busy posting more steps soon.

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