Step #49: It's About the Feeling

Kim · **Step #49: It's About the Feeling**

It’s About the Feeling

To elaborate on the previous step, determine underlying wants, we’ll take things one step further. I want you to take another look at what your dreams are. Realize that what you’re dreaming about isn’t necessarily the thing or experience itself; it’s the feeling that those things bring. The truth is that things or experiences don’t mean anything by themselves. A Coach bag is just a purse to many people; but for some women it represents a feeling of status, style, or accomplishment. It’s what we expect to get out of them that holds the true value. More specicially, how we expect to feel when we get them. Will that Coach bag make you feel proud to carry it? Will it make you feel like a woman of style?

In our example in the prior step about Beth and her new deck, we discovered that her underlying want was to spend more time with her husband. But what was the underlying feeling she was after? I can’t speak for her, but I’m assuming it’s a feeling of being more connected to her spouse. Intimacy is the feeling that Beth is really after – not the deck at all. That’s not to say having the deck eventually won’t enhance her life. In realizing it’s intimacy she’s after, she’ll be able to find other ways to fill that need. Then when she does realize her goal of having a deck she’ll be in state of fulfillment – not in a position of wanting.

Assignment: If you have a spreadsheet, add another column for “feelings”. Think about each goal or dream that you have. What will you feel when you accomplish each of your goals?

ember15 · 07-02-2008, 04:38 PM

I am still with you I just haven't finished with step 48. We have had a rough week. This sunday someone ran a stop sign and we hit dead on. So I am feeling a little behind on everything. I was stressing out about it on Money Matters on Sunday. The important think is that no one was hurt.

So it wasn't on my dreams or goal list. The dream was to actually not have a car payment. So here I am with a new goal getting a replacement vehicle.

So I thought about what a car means to me and evaluating my choices. I was very homonal when I got my last car being 7 month pregnant.

I guess the first step is looking at a 2nd car as a want or a need and it tends to run more toward a need as my DH drives a little pickup. If we were to sell it we would still need a car that fit our family.
This is a very big purchase and one we really weren't expecting. I think what this goal really means for us is freedom. I am one of those people who really craves getting out. We go over to friends homes at least a few times a week. Not having a car means loosing the freedom to do so. Loosing this makes it much more difficult to work on a few other goals.
We have difficult choices ahead of us we need to balence how the vehicle functions for our lifestyle with reliablity, safety, and cost. I really want to just replace my Forester with another one because it worked so well for us. But in reality the payments were a bit above our means.

I will need to get back to my other goals and the assignment as soon as I figure something out with this one. It is funny I was just talking about how in an instant something happens that can make a big impact in your life. I still have yet to here how the insurance company will value my loss but it could mean more debt when we have been struggling to get out.

Kim · 07-07-2008, 08:00 PM

I'm so sorry about that! Hopefully the other driver's insurance will cover this for you. Is there a way you can use it as an opportunity to get a used car that you won't have a payment on? I agree, for most a car is a need instead of a want - but the type of car you get is more of the want.

I'm so glad everyone was OK. Those accidents are really scary!

ember15 · 07-10-2008, 11:39 AM

Other car was uninsured. I did a lot of anylizing I now know that I want the same make and model car. Yes I could find something with no payments but. Reliablity, Safety, and function are also important. So we are sticking to another Forester the big issue is they retain there value like none other. Still going with a 13,000 car will lower my monthly payments by $50. More if I put the full amount down. Still I have great credit and no reason I can't get a competive rate (6%). So my goal is to get the payment to my goal number and throw the rest at the CC (8%). It makes since to throw any extra money at the CC Debt. Using the minimum Downpayment means settlement money to knock that down a few thousand. We really need to focus on the Debt because focusing on getting out of Debt will make it more feasable to work on other key dreams and Goals. The big one being a 2nd child, the next one being a new home in 3-5 years. Getting rid of debt means we can throw the money into other things, Like building a emergency savings at least 10K but hopefully closer to 20K, a downpayment fund 20% on a decent home in my area is 50K. We haven't even though about college savings. We would like to increase our 401K savings up another 3%. So lots of goals and all really broad goals.
So Debt is a good thing for us to work on. We have been steadily making payments to our Lowes card so it WILL be paid off before the 0% interest period expires. The AE card because 8% is our highest interest rate and then the car loan. I am still convinced even with the car set back that we will be in a better spot in a few years. I feel bogged down by debt and that we can never give into our wants as long as it is looming over us. I yern for the day when all I have is our Morgage and our Student loan (3% so in no hurry)

I have 4 days left to find a car before I have to return the rental. It has made this week pretty stressful. And you have to deal with car sales people who are convenced that you won't realize you are signing up for a 8 year car loan just to get the payment you want.

T-shell · 07-14-2008, 06:08 PM

Sending prayers for the right vehicle for you, Ember15. Glad you are ok.

ember15 · 07-15-2008, 09:26 AM

Yep all ok. A little more debt but everyone is ok and I have the insurnace check and a new car. A bumb in the road to trying to be debt free. But my payment and interest rate are lower.
So I am feeling Relief that its over.

My other big goals I am feeling Frustration currently with there progress. I know that when I reach them the feeling will be different. The big Goal is getting pregnant and having another baby. Now I am a planner, I schedule something to do everyday a month in advance and trying to conceive doesn't work like that. I had a rough week because the stress of the last two weeks caused me to be a few days late. I was starting to feel excitement to be let down.
The goal that is really related to the big goal is healthy living. I have to confess I am not thrilled about trying to eat healthy and loose weight. They are things I have struggled with. I can do a few months and then burn out on the health kick. Still there are tons of reasons why this is a great goal. I think that if I ever reach this goal I will feel a since of elation and accomplishment but it is also not the type of goal where you can fall back on old habbits. Once you make a commitment to healthy living you need to continue.
I really like the goals I can cross off my list and move on to another goal.

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