Marriage, Money & Communication

The cornerstone of a successful family is the relationship you have with your spouse. You probably have already heard that money is the number one cause of divorce and marital conflict. It’s not just the lack of money that causes conflict, it’s a lack of communication that can get in the way of a successful marriage. If you don’t work on these issues now, they’ll continue to pop up over and over again in your marriage, regardless of how much money you have.

Like with most issues surrounding money, conflict is a symptom of a larger problem. Unless you get to the root of the real issues, you’ll see the problems popping up over and over again. Here are some qualities of a successful relationship with money:

• Equality: Both spouses are contributing to the marriage in a way that is fair – whether it’s financially or by assuming household responsibility. Each spouses’ input is carefully considered when making decisions
• Independence: Each spouse has some freedom to spend as they choose (“fun” money) that is free from judgment (whether it’s $5 a week or $500 – you need to be in agreement on this).
• Accountability: Set rules and guidelines for making financial decisions and help hold each other accountable. This could mean consulting each other before making big ticket items (as you define them) or setting up rules for using credit cards.
• Full Disclosure: Neither spouse feels the need to hide any spending information from the other and everything is out in the open. Each partner is well-informed about the amount of money they hold jointly in the marriage.

If you’ve followed the prior steps in FTJ you’re well on your way to building a successful financial foundation. It’s only natural that getting your finances in order will help your relationship as well. Now, let’s take things one step further and work on building those lines of communication where you feel closer, more connected and more able to discuss the important things in your marriage, including money.

You don’t have to have an ample supply of money and babysitters at the ready to date your spouse. Getting creative with the resources you do have is the key. Think outside of the box and come up with some ways you and your spouse can put aside a little time this week to re-connect.

Assignment: Make a list of 10 things you and your spouse can do together that are free (or don’t cost a lot) where you can spend at least a half hour of uninterrupted quality time together. Put at least one of those things into practice this week and come back and tell us about it.

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1. Take a walk
2. Sit on the couch and cuddle.
3. Bike ride
4. Cook a meal together
5. Sit out by the fire after the girls go to sleep. That's where many conversations happen.
6. Do a do-it-yourself project together. We talked alot when we were painting the living room and dining room.
7. We like to race each other on the Wii...don't know if that counts as quality time though.

I'll have to brainstorm some more ideas.

This is an interesting step my DH does what I decide so much of the time. Mainly its part of our division. I am managing the house and our activities and he is an excellent provider. Part of that is in that he doesn't like making desissions. Asking what he wants is almost always met with a I don't know, a you decide or something of the like. He is good at giving feed back. I mean if I give him choices he gives me and answer. Our afternoon goes like this
"honey Im Home"
"What do you want for dinner?"
"I don't know, doyou have something in mind?"
"Soup and sandwich, soup and salad, or salad and sandwich?"
"Soup and salad"
So there you go. I know I have ideas for things we do together as a couple alone
1. TTC I know TMI but its a goal
2. Puzzles and games,
3. walks
4. family dinner at home
5. monthly date night
6. go out for coffee or just sit and have a cup together on weekend mornings.
7. go to the gym together
8. shopping hey we like to dream so walking around Lowes is normally a good activity for us. We don't have to buy anything.
9. Bowling.
10. hiking

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Kimberly Proud Mommy to Bethany Rose April 2006 &

Organizer of the Coupon Clippers of Tacoma