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Rockin' Scrap Mod
Last Online: Yesterday 10:15 PM
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Kokomo, IN
Real Name: Jessika
Posts: 5,483
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Know the state casserole. The state casserole consists of
> canned green beans, Campbell's cream of mushroom soup, and dried
> onions.
> You can safely take this casserole to any social event and know that
> you will be accepted.
> - Get used to food festivals. The Indiana General Assembly, in an effort
to
> grow bigger athletes, passed legislation years ago
> requiring every incorporated community to have at least one festival per
> year dedicated to a high-fat food. It is your duty as a Hoosier to attend
> these festivals and buy at least one elephant ear.
> - Know the geography. Of Florida, that is. There are Hoosiers
> who couldn't tell you where Evansville is but they know the exact
> distance from Fort Myers to Bonita Springs. That's because all Hoosiers
> go to Florida in the winter. Or plan to when they retire. Or are related
to
> retired Hoosiers who have a place in Sarasota.
> Hoosiers consider Florida to be the Lower Peninsula of Indiana.
>
> - If you can't afford to spend the winter in Florida, use the
> state excuse ... which is that you stay here because you enjoy the change
of
> season. You'll be lying, but that's OK. We've all done it.
>
> - Speaking of Indiana weather, wear layers or die. The thing to
> remember about Indiana seasons is that they can occur at anytime. We
> have spring-like days in January and wintry weekends in October. April
> is capable of providing a sampling of all four seasons in a single
> 24-hour period. For these reasons, Indiana is the Layering
> Capital of the World. Even layering, however, can pose danger.
> Golfers have been known to dress for hypothermia and end up dead of
> heat
> stroke because they couldn't strip off their layers of plaid fast
> enough on a changeable spring morning.
>
> - Don't take Indiana place names literally. If a town has the same name as
a
> foreign city -- Valparaiso and Versailles, for example
> you must not pronounce them the way the foreigners do lest you come
> under suspicion as a spy. Also, East Enterprise has no counterpart on
> the west side of the state. South Bend is in the north. North Vernon is
> in the south and French Lick isn't what you think either.
> - Become mulch literate. Hoosiers love mulch and appreciate its
> subtle differences. Learn the difference between hardwood, cypress and
> pine bark at a minimum. Researchers thi nk the state affinity for mulch
> derives from its relatively flat terrain. People have a subconscious
> need for topography, and when it can't be supplied naturally, they are
> more likely to make little mulch hillocks in their front yards.
>
> - You gotta know sports. In order to talk sports with obsessive
> fans in Indiana, you have to be knowledgeable on the three levels --
> professional,college and high school. The truly expert Indiana sports fan
> knows not only the name of the hotshot center at Abercrombie and Fitch
> High School, but also what colleges he's interested in, how much he
> bench-presses,
> who he took to the prom, and what he got on his biology quiz last week.
>
> Remember that Hoosiers are never the first to embrace trends. When they do
> embrace them, they do so with a Midwestern pragmatism. For
> example, if you see a Hoosier with a nose ring, there's a good chance
> he's had it undercoated to guard against rust.
>
> - The best way to sell something in Indiana is to attach the
> term "Amish" to it. The product need not be genuinely Amish. This would
> explain the existence of Amish moo shu pork.
> YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM INDIANA WHEN:
> You think the state Bird is Larry.
> You can say "French Lick" without laughing out loud.
> There's actually a college near you named "Ball State."
>
> You know Batesville is the casket-making capital of the world
> and you're proud of it.
> You could never figure out spring forward-fall back, so screw Daylight
> Savings Time!
> Your feelings get hurt whenever someone points out the acronym for
> Purdue University is PU
> You know several people who have hit a deer.
> Down south to you means Kentucky.
> You have no problem spelling or pronouncing Terre Haute.
> Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
> Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
> You know what the phrase "knee-high by the Fourth of July" means.
> You've heard of Euchre, you know how to play Euchre, and you are
> a master of Euchre.
> You've seen a running car, with nobody in it, in the parking lot
> of the grocery store, no matter what time of year it is.
> Detassling was your first job. Bailing hay, your second. Or you
> could stack hay, swim in the pond to clean off and then have the
> strength to play a couple of games of hoops, all in the same barn lot on
> the same day.
> You say things like catty-wampus and kitty corner and know what
> they mean.
> You install security lights on your house and garage, then leave
> them both unlocked.
> You carry jumper cables in your car regularly.
> You drink pop.
> You catch frogs at the crick.
> If you want someone to hear you, you holler at 'em.
> You know that baling wire was the predecessor to duct tape.
> You know that strangers are the only ones who come to your front
> door.
> Kids and dogs ride in the passenger seats of cars and the backs
> of pickups.
> You think nothing of driving on the roads and being stuck behind
> a farm implement in spring and fall. You just hope it's not a hog truck
> or a manure spreader.
> High school basketball games draw bigger crowds on the weekend
> than movie theaters, IF you have a movie theater.
> Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled
> with snow.
> The local paper covers national and international headlines on
> one page but requires six for local sports.
> You can repeat the scores of the last eight NBA games, but
> unless the MVP is a Hoosier, you are not sure who he is.
> You can see at least two basketball hoops from your yard.
> You can name every one of Bobby Knight's exploits over the last
> few years.
> The biggest question of your youth was IU or Purdue.
> Indianapolis is the BIG CITY.
> Getting stuck by a train is a legitimate excuse for being late
> to school
> Everyone knows who the town cops are, where they live, and
> whether they're at home or on duty.
> You've been to the Covered Bridge Festival. And you took back
> roads to get there. Why sit in traffic?
> To you, tenderloin is not an expensive cut of beef, but a big,
> salty, breaded, & fried piece of pork served on a bun with pickle.
> You end your sentences with prepositions, as in "Where's it at?"
> or "Where's he going to?"
> If you are a Hoosier or have Hoosier roots you will have read
> this and found everything to be perfectly normal.
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