While the quotes are fun and that is my intention with them. They are truly meant so that YOU can look within to make yourself a better YOU. And only YOU can work on YOU. I am certainly not intending them to be from me to you literally. Same with this thought. It is just a thought....(so don't attack me )

Are you in my shoes??

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who offer up advice or their opinion by saying "if I were in that situation, this is what I would do".

Here is why, I used to be one of those people....UNTIL I was actually IN THOSE SHOES. Then WOW did my opinion change drastically.

This also happened a LOT to me with my ex when I first got divorced, he would judge and judge and judge me to NO end. But then when he found himself in the same shoes...all of a sudden, he didn't have a problem with some of the things he had a problem with before.

It is all amazing when you really think about it.

Bottom line, you have NO IDEA what you would really do until you are actually "wearing those shoes". You can think all you want about it, but I promise you, (unless you are just stubborn) you will most likely have a different view when you are standing face to face with "something". (Whatever those shoes may represent)

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I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. ~ Frances Moore Lappe

It's my opinion that we can never truly be in anyone else's shoes because even if we have a similar situation, everyone's circumstances are different. It is sometimes very hard not to judge, but I always try to remember that I am NOT in that person's shoes and have no idea why he/she made a certain decision. My own mother was one that always said that she would leave my father if he cheated. Well, guess what? He not only cheated, he left her, moved in with the other woman and then proceeded to flip flop between them for years. I thought my mom was a fool (bad me for judging) but she just prayed about it and did what she thought was God's will. With much counseling my father got things right and now my parents have a ministry helping couples whose marriages are in trouble. I can't tell you how many lives that they have touched with their testimony. So my mom, who always knew what she would do in 'those shoes', was completely wrong.

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Lisa~mom to 6 (19,17,13,5,3,3)

I've used that argument a lot when discussing abortion rights -- unless you are in that person's situation, you have NO idea what choice you might make -- no matter your faith, upbringing, etc. Of course, I'd get slammed for that. We all like to think we'd do the "right thing" but unless you are in the situation, you never really know for sure. That goes for lots of things, obviously.

That +1

There's a lot of shoes out there, and for each situation, different fits. What I may do, and my views, in a set situation may be a 180 from someone who is in the same situation.

Gah. I want to say more (about the abortion thing) but I don't want to derail - nothing bad, just nervy - one of those "shoes" I sat in for a week last month....thank god I was able to take them off!

We all mean well, but we all never can have the same feelings at the same time for anything.

Just for the record - I checked - got my size 10 Danskos on, so I'm definately in MY shoes!

I can see where you are coming from Stacey. However i do think some people know what they would do in certain situations.

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Jodie....Wife to Andrew (1995)
Mommy to Riley (2000) and Wyatt (2003)

It has been my experience that the same person who told me what they would do "in my shoes", turns out they did exactly the opposite. So I say that you cannot listen to what someone else would do. You have to do what is right in your heart for you.

I posted the above before I had any knowledge of the divorce thread on the other forum. It was simply a coincidence that I used that as an example. I apologize if anyone thought I meant something by it because that was definitely not the case.

As far as abortion, that's a whole different ballgame because I believe it is wrong. I can say that I know I would not personally have one but I also do not judge those who do because I don't know the situations they are in. What I am saying is that in cases where something is very much against my beliefs that I DO know what I would do but I still would never claim to be in someone's shoes and know what I would have done if I were them. And for the record, I was pregnant and unmarried at 18 so it could have been an option. My son is now 18 and his father and I have been married 18 years.

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Lisa~mom to 6 (19,17,13,5,3,3)

You were fine and that was a GREAT way to answer this thread.

Whether people want to believe it or not this thread is 100% Soul Searching. For ME first and foremost. And if I help someone else along the way, great.

All my life I allowed people, my father, my sister, my grandmother, my first husband, my first MIL, to "tell me what to do", they were always IN MY SHOES, and they always KNEW WHAT WAS BEST. It took me a long time to stand up for myself, and NOT let other people's thoughts effect my decisions. It is nice to be the only one wearing my shoes for a change...

Very insightful, and I can only hope that someone else won't have to go through the same experiences that I went through. It is very emotionally draining..



I used to have the quote "If you are not in a courtroom wearing a robe, you shouldn't be judging anyone." in my signature line....but I tend to judge sometimes too, which I know is wrong. So I took it out. But it is a good quote!!

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I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. ~ Frances Moore Lappe