Just pray that God would give me some insight as to how I am supposed to get through one day at a time because I don't know how to do it anymore. We are having some issues withour oldest two children and my dh and I are on such opposite pages that when we try and talk about it I really want to bash his head in. which may be funny if it weren't so true. As I was journaling to God I realized that it is Satan trying to ruin my children and my marriage, and I have to align myself with God so he can't win another minute but I have no idea how to do this because I can't stand my husband. I was told the other day that in the Bible it says Wives respect your husbands (you can imagine how good I am at that, I was raised in a home where my mom didn't respect my father and she still doesn't) well I really want to try but I have no idea how to respect him, but I have no idea how to do that. Everything just feels so hopeless to me right now even in my heart I now that God is with me and that with him nothing is impossible but I am having a hard time living that. I don't now how to be the wife I am supposed to be regardless of the husband he is being. It doesn't say respect your husband if he deserves it it just says to respect him, please how do I do this. Any insight or prayers in this area would be helpful! There are so many issue I don't know where to start and my spirit side doesn't want to involve you in all them because , I need someone to give me Godly wisdom . So please pray that I would get some kind of revelation on how I am supposed to deal with this, and that I could learn how to respect him to honor God. In all this that is all I really want to do Honor God and protect my children, but I need extra strength because the battle is already enough to weigh me down, to the point of writing post.

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You are in my prayers. The Bible DOES say this...but if your husband is being abusive or neglectful with you or your children, YOU are the one who has to take a stand. It is very very rare for me not to stand behind my husband. HE is the "master" of my house..as is Biblically right. I try to always support him and let him have the final say. BUT that does not mean I am to be stepped all over. As much as I respect him, part of why I do is because he respects me. The Bible says for him to HONOR his wife, and he does. Without BOTH spouses honoring the Bible in this area, I don't think any of it works.

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He is not in anyway abusive to me or the kids, I probabl should of put tah in the first post.


Thanks for your thoughts and prayers

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If I remember right, you've had alot of trouble with him in the past. Isn't he the one that was going out and coming home drunk so much (I hope that's okay to ask here)?? I just wonder if he's still having this problem. I'm a BIG believer in doing everything possible to keep a family intact especially when there are children, but there does come a point where I think it can't be done unless both are willing to work on it. I'm not sure what the problem with the older children is (are they both of yours or just his), but I think whenever there are underlying problems in the marriage, any kind of stressor to the marriage just makes it fall apart. So I think the solution is to fix the underlying problems. I would advise you to try counselling if you're not currently. I don't think the Bible means you should stay in a marriage that is destructive to you...like blessed with 6 said more eloquently.

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Sending prayers & strength your way, Ann. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. Remember, we're here for you.

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Happy Haunting!
"A friend is someone who sees through you and still enjoys the view." -Wilma Askinas

yes that is us, he is drinking again but not going out or getting drunk, but I am sure it will come to that I am not blind to the lifestyle of an alcoholic, but that really has nothing to do with this post. I wouldn't stay if I thought the kids or I were in danger in any way,it is just that as standards go we are not on the same page. You can mention anything here I don't feel like I need to hide anything from you ladies, so any questions or comments are answered truthfully!

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greetings,

I said a little prayer for you today. I hope your doing better.

Sydney's mommy

I'm sending prayers your way Ann! Be strong! xoxoxo

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I have struggled with the respect issue with my husband throughout our marriage. Actually, our problem has more to do with me saying things to him in front of other people that come across as disrespectful (it's not my intention to be disrespectful towards him in these situations, I just have a bad habit of speaking before I think)...especially if it's in front of my parents. (I used to have a really bad habit of going to my mom whenever my husband and I had a fight because I just didn't have any other friends to talk to. Not a good thing to do either!)

My lack of respect towards him messes with his self-image and potentially damages other people's opinion of him as a godly head of household. Additionally, if my children see me talk or act in a way that is disrespectful of him, then what reason do they have to respect him as their Father and the leader of our home?

I just wanted to throw that out there as food for thought. I'm not criticizing you in any way.

Anyway, as far as practical suggestions go...are you attending a church right now? Would you be comfortable approaching a pastor to ask about the possibility of a few counseling sessions? Your pastor should be able to give you more biblical guidance on the issues of love/honor/respect. You could also seek out a qualified Christian counselor for a few sessions of individual, marital, or even family counseling (since some of your issues do involve your children).

I know that there are books out there dealing with this issue, I just can't think of anything good off the top of my head. My small group is doing a Homebuilder's (by Robert Lewis) bible study on teamwork in marriage right now. It's part of a larger group of couple's studies on marriage and may have some helpful resources. You might also check out the Focus on the Family website (family.org). I'm pretty sure they have a whole section devoted to marriage.

Finally, is there an older married couple in your church that could act as mentors to you and your husband? When my husband and I were first engaged we did a Right Start marriage class and a large part of the program involved us meeting and working with a mentor couple. You might also look for a bible study at your church - either a couples study or a women's study that might deal with these issues.

Good luck and God bless!

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Stephanie
Mom to: Caleb (8/03), Ian (9/05), & Baby Boy #3 (EDD 11-9-2008)

It sounds like your dh needs to deal with his issues with alcoholism. Marriage is difficult enough without addictions added to the mix. You need to get some good solid Biblical counseling, and then be prepared to take some stands on behalf of you and your children. I don't believe that wives/husbands should be doormats. God loves you, your dh and kids! But if your dh continues to abuse alcohol, he is going to have to be confronted by you, godly men from church, your pastor, some men to hold him accountable. He needs to get help!! Then on the flipside, you CAN'T make him change. He has to want to do it for himself first, and then make the change and start the process. My father is still an alcoholic even after my mother left him. I don't agree with divorce, but I do agree with separating from the situation until the person with the addiction is ready to make some changes for the positive. My advice to you is to get to a good Christian counselor. My prayers will continue for you. I can sympathize with you!!! My dad was this way my whole life, and I have some really not so fond memories of my dad. I would hate for your children to grow up with bad memories that will be with them forever. He really has to get some help, and so do you.

I hope I don't sound like I am preaching to you because I'm not. I just have very strong feelings about your particular situation, because I had to live in it. You can't change somebody, you can only change yourself, and you might have to be the one to make the hard decisions. God will be there with you every step of the way.