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02-04-2008, 09:35 PM
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#1
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The Grieving Process
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Bargain Huntin' RAK'n Fit Mod
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 17,492
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Have you ever gone through a great loss? How did you cope with it? What got you through your days? What kind of support system did you have? How did faith play a role in your grieving process?
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02-04-2008, 09:40 PM
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#2
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Super Mom Moderator
Last Online: Yesterday 09:05 PM
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 20,394
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Grief is such a person thing and it plays out so differently for everyone. Personally I preferred to keep busy and get back to work as soon as possible. My girls got me through the death of my son. I also had a very supportive community around me. I will tell you that my faith took a major dip for many years after that event. I was angry and could not believe that any loving God could let my innocent 6 yr old die. I have definitely since come to terms with that and have realized that every event has a purpose.
__________________
~Happiness is a large family~
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02-05-2008, 08:33 AM
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#3
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Bargain Huntin' RAK'n Fit Mod
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 17,492
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I can't even imagine what that kind of pain is like Sheryl.
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02-05-2008, 08:38 AM
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#4
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Shopping/Auction Mod
Last Online: Yesterday 07:55 PM
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 8,286
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My father died when I ws 21, he was 40. He had hypertention that he did not keep in check. He had a vessle burst in his head and dropped at work. He was on life support for 4 days before my mom, me and my brother agreed to have it turned off.
I seemed to be okay for a while, I was quiet, depressed, but I didn't 'deal' with any of it. I went back to school, hung out with my friends and just went back to life as usual. it was 4 years later when my mom started dating again that I finnally had to DEAL with my grief. I had a mental breakdown and my mom and I had a HUGE fight in which I called her all sorts of horrible names. I was HORRIBLE. I ended up seeing a threapist for the next 6 months to helpme get through it.
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02-05-2008, 10:25 AM
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#5
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Mommysavers Goddess
Last Online: Yesterday 06:37 PM
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,578
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My mom died almost 10 years ago now. Still can't believe it. To answer your questions:
Have you ever gone through a great loss? Yes. It was awful. And my cat died about a week before my mom, so it was a double whammy.
How did you cope with it? Oddly enough, I was the only one of my sisters who did not need anti-depressants. I cried a lot. My sisters and I talked about her all the time. We did talk about how she wanted us to be happy, and that we should be happy to have had such a great mom.
What got you through your days? It was the only time I ever wished for kids, as I could see how having kids could pull your focus away from your loss. I kept busy at work and for the several months before & after the death I did a lot of spiritual reading, seeking, talking to theologians, etc.
What kind of support system did you have? My sisters.
How did faith play a role in your grieving process? In the long run it did not. I did a lot of seeking but came right back to where I was beforehand. I found the book "why bad things happen to good people" the most logical faith-reasoning I could find, and it helped, but I was never uplifted by anything of that nature. Just the knowledge that my mom was happy with her life, and she wanted me to be happy.
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02-05-2008, 11:43 AM
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#6
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Mommysavers Goddess + Approved Trader
Last Online: Yesterday 10:53 PM
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Real Name: Angie
Posts: 2,157
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I feel all I have lived with in my life was grief--I lost my Mother in Mar. 88 , 4 months after she wnet in to have a small mole removed off her leg. It was cancer and spread like a wildfire. In Oct. the following year we lost my Grandmother, her mother, who was our whole life, I couldn't attend the funeral because I was in another town 1oo's of miles away with my baby who was on life support and they had just told me they thought she was brain dead. Three weeks later I lost her. I think I went numb, I hated God and everyone, I had no one there to talk to, no Mama no grandma, my Grandpa and I would take long walks together not talking most everyday. I think that kept me alive. I ended up divorcing my kids Daddy, we just had too much hurt between us after all this.
In 2000 my then husband committed suicide after me finding out some bad things he had done, I wasn't allowed at his funeral because his family found his body and claimed it first--long story. They had people lining the roads to keep me out, it was a private indian cemetary that belonged to his stepdads family. I didn't know what to do. I ended up marrying a man that was a dear friend and he just took care of everything, he cooked , cleaned, but never held a job. I just went to work everyday came home and slept. The marriage was never consimated and we split up after only a couple of months, at that time I did get into church and try and let God get me through. I don't think we ever get over loosing our familys and we all continue to grief a different way.
__________________
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02-05-2008, 12:03 PM
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#7
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Senior Mommysavers Member
Last Online: 01-06-2009 11:48 AM
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 117
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I have gone through a huge loss and faith is the only thing that got me through. About 2 1/2 years ago, my neice who was 23 months old and we were only 2 weeks away from adopting died. She was like my daughter - she was the whole world to my husband and I. When she was still int he hospital, all we did was pray - our Pastor even came up and prayed and sat with us and read scripture. We knew that it was all in God's hands and that his way was best - not always easy but best. The rest of my family is not saved or religious at all and watching them with nothing to cling to was aweful!!! But we had God to carry us through and he did. The night befor she died, my sister - in - law text messaged a scripture passage to us. It was a passage in Psalm but I cannot remember which one. We leaned on that and
Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work togetherfor good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose"
and the Lord got us through the hardest thing we have ever face in our lives. I cannot imagine not having my God and my faith to carry me through all the hard times in life. That is all I can lean on that is always there!! If it comes to me later I will post that passage in Psalm - it really helped!
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02-05-2008, 12:15 PM
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#8
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Mommysavers Goddess
Last Online: 09-18-2008 01:31 PM
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: New Mexico
Real Name: Lisa
Posts: 2,993
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There's been so much loss in my family over the past 2 and 1/2 years. I honestly don't know how I've "dealt" with it. Both my Mom AND Dad passed away within 5 days of each other in the first week of June, 2005. Talk about a double whammy!! Then, my favorite uncle passed away 9 months later. He was my Mother's brother, and best friend. Then, the only Grandfather I'd ever known, passed away not long after that. I thought they were only supposed to go in threes...  ...not in my case. So, I had 4 close family members pass away within 16 months time. I felt abandonded, to say the least. Crazy to feel that way, since I still had SOME family left. But that's how I felt for the longest time.
I guess you could say that I'm STILL dealing with the loss - on a daily basis. But my faith has got me through the toughest times. The pain isn't as bad as it was, but there are days (like when my DD lost her first tooth last week) when I can't help but wish my Mom (especially) was here to see certain things. I know she's "around", but it's just not the same as if she was "here". You know? So, I still struggle daily.
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02-05-2008, 02:10 PM
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#9
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Mommysavers Goddess + Approved Trader
Last Online: 12-29-2008 04:49 PM
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 1,467
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I can't really think of anything that has happened to me that I have had to grieve. I have had people die in my family, but none that were very close to me. All of you are amazing women and reading your stories truly inspiring. It's very refreshing to know such strong women.
__________________
Mommy to Hope (10.10.06)
Monkey mommy to Allyson (10.13.02)
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02-05-2008, 09:30 PM
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#10
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Senior Mommysavers Member
Last Online: 12-26-2008 10:32 PM
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 349
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My Mom passed away very unexpectedly about 4 years ago. It was horrible! I don't think I had ever cried like that. I would say my fiath, my husband and my children helped me through it. the week after she passed, I was going through all of my mom's things and foundg her bible with a devotional book tucked inside that she had been reading that week. I had such a sense of peace come over me, it was amazing to know she was in a much better place. Just remember, everybody does grieve differently. There is no right or wrong way.
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