When looking for acceptance or....

Bucsnpats · **When looking for acceptance or....**

reassurance, and you get it, does that really make you feel better?

Or, how do you really know it was sincere?

Just a thought to ponder, I have been thinking about this in a "curious" way lately.

We know that we have to make our own happiness, but yet we still need to hear positive things from others. As a reassurance of sorts, that YES indeed we are happy and other people notice it. But why??

If we are strong enough to be happy, then why aren't we strong enough to believe it?

smilingangel · 02-06-2008, 10:47 AM

This is an excellent thing to think about. Nowdays it seems like people need that ego boost and if they don't get it they complain. When I do something for someone else I don't do it to win their appreciation I do it because it is the right thing and it was how I was brought up.
This generation is all about ME or I and the competition of it. They are always trying to win something and I didn't know that happiness was something that you won, I always thought it was something that you created and felt!
My dd who is in Marching Band was taught that WE are a TEAM and not a I 'cause there is no I in team it takes everyone working together.
This is true, to be happy sometimes it does take more than one person.

georgia mom · 02-06-2008, 12:49 PM

I think it is normal to feel better once someone has given you a compliment, but I feel like as long as you are looking to others for acceptance and reassurance, it will never be enough. As far as the sincerity of someone else, you never know what someone else's intentions are. However, I do tend to think someone is being more sincere when they just "happen" to give a compliment or encouragement, than when you are constantly saying things or feeling sorry for yourself so that they feel like they don't have a choice but to tell you what you want to hear.

mamaof3kiddies · 02-06-2008, 12:52 PM

I have thought about this lately too and found that when I am feeling snappy or something, it is really because I'm lacking in that reassurance from my hubby or kids or whomever. I personally "need" to hear the reassurance; just to give that ego boost!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bucsnpats

reassurance, and you get it, does that really make you feel better?

Or, how do you really know it was sincere?

Just a thought to ponder, I have been thinking about this in a "curious" way lately.

We know that we have to make our own happiness, but yet we still need to hear positive things from others. As a reassurance of sorts, that YES indeed we are happy and other people notice it. But why??

If we are strong enough to be happy, then why aren't we strong enough to believe it?

smilingangel · 02-06-2008, 02:04 PM

You do need to hear it once and while to have that ego boost. It's just that I have some ILaw's that think they need to hear it everyday and if they don't get it, watch out. So, I do agree with "mamaof3kiddies" we need it on some level.

Doozer · 02-07-2008, 05:37 AM

I think at some point you just have to realize it's not about "them" and always about you. What exactly is it you want from "them"? Having someone say something nice to you all the time to make you feel good about yourself, is never going to be enough and it certainly isn't going to give make you feel accepted if you yourself can't do that for yourself.

Happiness should be the steering wheel you choose to drive, not let someone else drive for you. Acceptance is peace of mind. When you choose to be happy and content with yourself, those around you will accept that about you. If they don't, they aren't worth the bother. Plain and simple.

Bucsnpats · 02-07-2008, 06:00 AM

Everyone brings up very good and very valid points. Very interesting!

Like I just said in Christy's thread, I think it all comes down to finding that perfect balance. I think we all need EVERYTHING in life at some point or another. If that makes any sense at all.

Good posts!!

mamaof3kiddies · 02-07-2008, 06:12 AM

I think a lot of my reassurance needed over this past year has been related to my weight loss journey. I look in the mirror and don't see it (I see the stretched out stomach, excess fat here, etc) but I needed someone else to say you are definitely making progress! Even a few days ago I asked dh if he could see my body changing (from my boot camp challenge I'm doing).

Quote:

Originally Posted by doozer

I think at some point you just have to realize it's not about "them" and always about you. What exactly is it you want from "them"? Having someone say something nice to you all the time to make you feel good about yourself, is never going to be enough and it certainly isn't going to give make you feel accepted if you yourself can't do that for yourself.

This is so true! I'm the driver of my life and every day I make the choice to be happy and enjoy my life!

Happiness should be the steering wheel you choose to drive, not let someone else drive for you. Acceptance is peace of mind. When you choose to be happy and content with yourself, those around you will accept that about you. If they don't, they aren't worth the bother. Plain and simple.

Doozer · 02-07-2008, 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamaof3kiddies

I think a lot of my reassurance .

From what you are saying, you needed validation or someone else to verify what you were thinking is true; That to me is reassurance, not acceptance....or do you consider reassurance to be the same as acceptance?

mamaof3kiddies · 02-07-2008, 06:19 AM

When looking at it that way, I think it was just reassurance. Reassurance that the hard work I was/am putting in is paying off. I was not looking for acceptance on it just wanted to know that I was doing something good.
Does that make sense? My body is still recovering from my intense boot camp workout this morning!

Quote:

Originally Posted by doozer

You needed someone else to verify what you were thinking is true; That to me is reassurance, not acceptance....or do you consider reassurance to be the same as acceptance?