Are you a people pleaser?

Christy · **Are you a people pleaser?**

I used to be the kind of person that wanted to be everything to everyone. You can imagine how tiring that was! I gave that all up when I had kids. I just couldn't do it anymore. But I see the same traits in a few of my friends. They want to be the martyr all the time, and I'm like "why do that to yourself?".

I also used to care so much about the impression I left with people. I used to worry if what I did was good enough, or if I said just the right things. Again, that got old and honestly I lost a part of myself always trying to put on this facade of a woman who had it all together.

Are you a people pleaser or do you know someone who is? Do you think they are really happy living their life that way or do you think they do it to gain acceptance with others?

Bucsnpats · 02-07-2008, 06:57 AM

Interesting that you would put the two together. At some point it could go hand in hand, and at another it is two seperate things.

I think with both threads, it goes back to what I have said before. Finding a balance.

There are definitely times where you do want to make others happy, like when you are hosting a party for instance, or hand making a gift. And you most definitely want positive feedback. KWIM?

But there are other times, like for example, I remember when I was working and I would show up one day and happened to be running late and didn't "do my hair" they way I normally do it. And then get a lot of compliments. Which is GREAT. But are they sincere, or are they just saying something because it is different... and why would it make me feel better when I think it is horrible? KWIM? I wasn't trying to make anyone happy or looking for anything.

I don't know if I am making any sense or not. But it is all very interesting.

Good threads, both of them!

aliadam · 02-07-2008, 07:14 AM

I am and I am not. Depends on the situation. Yes, I'm certainly a people please with my family. I like them to be happy and will go out of my way to try to insure than happens. I'm probably also a people pleaser in the situation Bucnpats described where if I put together a party of a fundraiser or whatever, I like to think that others are happy with it.

But I'm not a people pleaser to the extent that my happiness depends on it or I'm "fake" with who I am. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm usually very direct. That DOESN'T always please people. But I'm not the sort to lie or "posture" just to try to please someone else. My opinions and beliefs are my own and I feel strong enough to say them regardless of how pleased someone is with them. I still always TRY to be polite and well mannered obviously (I'm not one of those who is always fighting or chewing out people). Hope this made sense.

Bucsnpats · 02-07-2008, 07:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aliadam

But I'm not a people pleaser to the extent that my happiness depends on it or I'm "fake" with who I am. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm usually very direct. That DOESN'T always please people. But I'm not the sort to lie or "posture" just to try to please someone else. My opinions and beliefs are my own and I feel strong enough to say them regardless of how pleased someone is with them. I still always TRY to be polite and well mannered obviously (I'm not one of those who is always fighting or chewing out people). Hope this made sense.

Makes sense to me. I would like to think I am the same way.

mamaof3kiddies · 02-07-2008, 07:23 AM

I use to always look to please everyone. And after I had kids, I just could not do that all the time. I did not want to be "fake" or untrusting, but yet I don't like confrontation or making someone upset. So I do pay attention to the situation and my feelings involved. I have a neighbor who is very outspoken and when we have been out in a store or something and if she did not get 200% customer service, she made it known. It is very uncomfortable for me.
I have learned to recognize & accept - I AM ME. And I can only do my best, not someone else's best.

Quote:

Originally Posted by doozer

I used to be the kind of person that wanted to be everything to everyone. You can imagine how tiring that was! I gave that all up when I had kids. I just couldn't do it anymore. But I see the same traits in a few of my friends. They want to be the martyr all the time, and I'm like "why do that to yourself?".

I also used to care so much about the impression I left with people. I used to worry if what I did was good enough, or if I said just the right things. Again, that got old and honestly I lost a part of myself always trying to put on this facade of a woman who had it all together.

Are you a people pleaser or do you know someone who is? Do you think they are really happy living their life that way or do you think they do it to gain acceptance with others?

skimommy · 02-07-2008, 07:27 AM

I think I'm the opposite of a people pleaser! I feel more like a preschool whisperer these days. I try to make my children and husband happy. That is about it.

Christy · 02-07-2008, 07:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skimommy

I think I'm the opposite of a people pleaser! I feel more like a preschool whisperer these days. I try to make my children and husband happy. That is about it.

...and you know what? That probably makes you more sane!!!

carlitasway · 02-07-2008, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skimommy

I think I'm the opposite of a people pleaser! I feel more like a preschool whisperer these days. I try to make my children and husband happy. That is about it.

Same here.

Claire · 02-07-2008, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aliadam

I am and I am not. Depends on the situation.

Me, too! Right now I am trying to make a lot of people happy in this weird new situation I am in, but they are just not going to be happy. That is hard for me to accept since I am the "cause" of unhappiness.

But, on the other hand, I don't go crazy trying to please people either if it is just an everyday situation.