Lately, I feel like I am missing God. It is like a war is going on and the rebel in me is winning. Our
attendence in church is failing partly because of my undependable vehicle and also because of me wanting a change. I had a dream that I was crying and praying with such vigar and meaning in the mirror. I heard a voice trying to undermine my prayer. When I was done I walked into our bedroom and tried to turn on the light but failed. Anybody ever go through this? I believe in God but it seems I am not strong enough to win the fight against evil.

This was me a few months ago. I grew up in a church. My entire family was active within it and always encouraged me to do the same...and I did. I was baptized, confirmed, married all in the same church my dad grew up in. Lots of tradition and generation of my family's heritage!

BUT, if you ask me what I believed in, I could not tell you. To me I associated church with community. That is what brought me back again and again. Yes I believed in God, but how much I know Him personally and I coudln't tell you. So as a parent to two little ones, I wanted to be more informed and more spiritually responsible (so to speak) so I started taking a bible study class offered through the church we attend now. It has openned my eyes to a lot of what I didn't know, but it also has created even more questions in my head. These questions have allowed me to be more open with my pastor and friends in the bible study class. Both of which have helped me explore the bible in different ways, instead of just reading word for word and coming to my own interpretation. I think it's so important to be vulnerable to what you are reading and learning about the bible and willing to ask questions and seek understanding from your pastors and friends. Asking questions and seeking truth will help.

Sometimes God is apart from us, I think, because He wants us to really do the work to come to Him. That's when we feel that void, like "answer me!" For me religion, church, prayer, bible reading, etc is our way to keep in touch with God, but He is always with us whether we are feeling it or not. For me personally, when I wake up I feel a genuine thankfulness for the new day. I have a lot of paranoia, fear of the dark, etc, so I really am truly grateful to wake up to a new morning! It is a natural way for me to be in touch with God. Look around in your life and find what you are truly thankful for, not what you think you should be thankful for. Just little things. Then let those things be the spirit of your prayer. Sometimes I am really thankful for a productive day and I go from there. For me, I feel more joyful and appreciative of the things in my life and I think that it is hard for any "enemy" to undermine a joyful spirit. This world wants us to doubt. Not just in religion but in a lot of areas. Doubt if you look good enough, have the right things, etc. When you are joyful for what you have/who you are, you counteract that doubt. Hang in there

I came upon this poem years ago and ever so often I will read it. I don't know if it will have any answers for you, but thought that I would share:

HANG IT ON THE CROSS

If you have a secret sorrow,
a burden or a loss,
An aching need for healing...
Hang It On The Cross.
If worry steals your sleep
and makes you turn and toss,
If your heart is feeling heavy...
Hang It On The Cross.
Every obstacle to faith
or doubt you come across,
Every prayer unanswered...
Hang It On The Cross.
For Christ has borne our brokenness
and dearly paid the cost
To turn our trials into triumph...
Hanging On The Cross

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I am wondering if you should maybe find a new church that better fits with what you are looking for.

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~Happiness is a large family~

I know what you mean, I can't go to church at the moment because the only churchs down here only have services on Sunday and yet the only day that I can work is SUnday, so I have been feeling a little lost. I have been finding these boards really helpful though to get me back into feeling my faith.
There is a little prayer that I say when it is all too much and I feel so lost and alone, or my troubles (financial, personal etc) seem to much. I get on my knees and I just say 'Lord I beg you please take these burdons from me'. So many times I have said that and immediately afterward I have felt tremendous peace and I kid you not the next day everything works out.
I love the poem by smiling angel, I might copy that and put it on the wall.
Just keep your faith, know that He is there.

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"You have to live through the rain before you experience the rainbow"

I wonder if maybe you need to reevaluate who you are and go from there. I grew up Catholic and went through the "routine" because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. But I wasn't happy with it. It didn't fulfill me. At one point I was really feeling at my lowest low because I was wondering where God was in my life. I 100% totally believe that that was when God started me on my current path that was not filled up with dogma and uncertainty. Seek and ye shall find. It's really about finding out what YOUR personal relationship is with God, not what "everyone else" says.

Maybe you should try visiting some other churches, it may just be time for a change. I would also suggest that you spend some extra time alone with God, tell him how you are feeling, and spend some extra time in prayer.

I would highly recommend listening to preachers on the internet when you can't make it to church. I actually listen to Joyce Meyer quite often throughout the week. I think it's very important to spend time reading the bible and in prayer. I have a journal that I write out what I'm thinking to God as my prayer. I have struggled often spiritually and it's then that I really immerse myself in prayer, study, or listening to people preach on the internet. I just heard in one of Joyce Meyer's sermons that you should never give up when you are struggling spiritually, because you may be very close to your break through. I think that you can become much closer to God through the struggle of seeking Him.

I would also recommend that you listen to Christian music. Something about music always helps me focus on God.

I know we butt heads a lot but here is what I think. God lives in you and loves you. If you want to talk to God, look within yourself. He made you and put his love and light in you doing so. Keep praying. Missing church is not going to hurt you. Church is more for the people, imo, but many find serenity in going. Remember that God is always with you. He put a little piece of himself into all of us. I hope you find peace and what you are looking for.