I'm not sure where to begin, this could get lengthy. Let's see we have been going to a bible study at a couple's home we go to church with each Thursday evening. There is a single father who comes with his 13 yr old dd. We'll call her "Joy". So Joy is a child who is very outgoing and full of life. Joy watches my 5 and 7 yr old children while we are having the bible study from 7-8pm, and my kids love her. This past Thursday evening Joy asked for my cell # and started texting me regularly. Saturday evening she texts me and wants me to take her to dinner and a movie and I tell her we had eaten dinner but she could come over if she wanted. She texts me back and wants to spend the night and wants me to do her nails and watch movies with her all night. So I tell her she can spend the night and she comes over about 7:30 pm. I take her to get her something to eat and buy her the glue on nails she wants and do her nails that night. She had told me during texting she had a boyfriend and she had met him on the computer and that her dad didn't know about him and for me to stop asking questions about him. She is constantly on her phone with boys and a few of them she said are fifteen. She says she is left alone for hours at a time and obviously unmonitored on the computer which is a concern for me. She also told me she doesn't live with her mom because she said she is a druggie and that who we think is her dad is not. She says her real dad is in jail. Sounds like she has really had a rough childhood and is reaching out to me.
Sunday she gets me to roll her hair and do her make-up before church. So after church she wants to stay with us. Later we go to our friends home who has a visiting child there that is their eleven year old's friend. Joy and this girl exchange #s and I find out that Joy is texting her and calling her a f'''''''in b'''''h because she wanted this girl to get the neighbor boy to come over. So I apologize to the girl but I did not confront Joy about the texting to the other girl... awkward situation. What would you have done in this situation? So that evening she wants to spend the night again since there wasn't school on Monday. Last night when we take her home we find out her dad is going out of town for seven days starting this Thursday and she wants to stay with us, wow, her dad doesn't really even know us to let her stay with us so much. Also she and her dad have another man that lives with them and her dad said Joy can stay with us half the time and this guy the rest of the time. So I guess we are keeping her from Thurs. to Sunday.
I feel like she has been put in my life for a reason and I want to do what I am suppose to do. She really needs prayer and I also need prayer on how to minister to this young girl.

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Woo, Bekki. Good luck with that. You're a kind soul with a good mind, and I'm sure you'll come to a good decision. That poor kid needs some direction, but I would caution about being a confidante/girlfriend. She needs to know that if she tells you about inappropriate activities with boys, you will notify her father. Or guardian - whatever he is.

I have to agree with Calimari, be careful when it comes to becoming her "friend". I also wonder what kind of influence she may have on your children, it sounds like she has alot of problems, that may not be the type of child you want to be staying in your home as often as she is now.

I agree that you have been given an opportunity to help this girl. However, I don't think it's by being her friend--a 13 year old with not much history of having a good parent is not capable of having a "friendship" with an adult. If it were me I would bring up her inappropriate behavior to her. She may rebel and not want to spend time with you, however, if you continue to ignore her bad behavior then you are in fact accepting her bad behavior and then she will believe that the behavior is okay. Because even if she wants to be your "friend" in my opinion she is looking for a mother. If you are not willing to treat her like the child she is then she will assume that all parents allow their children to do whatever they want. JMHO

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Megan

Thank you Mari. Yeah Woo for sure I feel like such a strong responsibility has been put on me it is quite overwhelming. Should I tell her dad what she has already told me?

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This is also one of my concerns. I watch them like a hawk when she is here. She is sleeping in a separate room from my children. She played Polly Pockets with my dd yesterday and jumped on the trampoline, and watched movies with them.

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Telling her father what she has already told you.... Well, that's sort of a double-edged sword, because no guidelines were given to the girl in the first place. I think I would first give the girl the opportunity to tell the dad herself. That might open up a dialogue between the two of you, but you need to be clear to her at that time that you do not plan to be her confidante, you will not keep secrets from her father. If she won't go to the father, then that's a tough decision to make, as she obviously told you thinking it was just between the two of you. But if, upon further discussion with her, you think it is in her best interests/safety to tell him, then I would. If you do not tell him, I would make it clear to her that any future conversations are not to be considered private.

Your right I do need to bring up her inappropriate texting. I guess I was thinking she is just with me this weekend and I can just ignore it and go on without having to upset her. Now with her staying with us four more days I need to talk to her about it and even see if she would text the other girl and apologize. She also asks for everything, like wanting me to buy her make-up, sunglasses (which I did), shoes, a purse, which bothers me and I try to be nice about it but I need to talk to her and tell her that asking someone to buy you things just isn't appropriate behavior.

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So your saying for me to ask her to go her dad and tell him about it? I really do think her talking to boys online is her way of seeking love and attention. I will let her know I care about her and I want her safe and if I need to I will tell her father anything I deem necessary for her own protection.

You know my situation with my own 15 dd right now, so this is kind of flattering for a teenage girl to want to hang out with me. Once I start talking to her about her actions and such she may not think I'm so cool anymore. She had told me I was cool because she hadn't known any grown-ups who knew the text language.

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Yes, depending on if you think the text messages to the boys were inappropriate enough to be brought to the dad's attention. I don't know what she was telling them.
I'm pretty uncool myself. My niece had to teach me how to text just so I could vote on American Idol. And, of course, she thinks who I voted for is totally uncool...