I am asking this question because with the recent loss of my brothers ex-girlfriend I for some reason really noticed how different people grieve.

I had kind of a slap in the face from dh because I usually mourn by reading things about the person who has passed and looking at pictures of them and listening to sad songs that can relate to that person or what I am feeling. Sometimes I don't like to do these things alone, I like to share things I have read , etc. It's how I express what I am feeling.
Anyway, I was talking to Dh and he came out and told me that he doesn't like to dwell and look at sad things. He likes to kind of push it aside, so to speak. I took that as "Please don't continue to show me all these sad things about Jessica (my brothers ex)". I was bummed. So now, I just go about my business and mourn quietly.

So, how do you all mourn/grieve? Am I weird for surrounding myself with sadness until I feel that I have healed?

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Let us believe neither half of the good people tell us of ourselves, nor half of the evil they say of others.

I don't think your weird. I just think we are all different.

I am probably more like you. I like to talk/think about the person. It can be sad but it's healing too.

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Jodie....Wife to Andrew (1995)
Mommy to Riley (2000) and Wyatt (2003)

I do look at pictures and listen to the sad songs and let myself have a good cry, but I do it privately. If something comes up that reminds me of someone I have lost, I am not afraid to cry about it when I am around family or friends, but I don't make it a point to share my grieving with others. It's personal and private for me. You are not weird, we are just all different when dealing with feelings.

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I have to not see things for a while and get used to the person not being there then I tend to pull things out and need to go from there

I think everyone grieves diff, and none is the wrong way just diff from one to the next. you need to do ithow it is for you.
prayers are with you thru this time it sounds like she was a person whom you cared about.

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Kelly mom to 3 great girls

Everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. I loved my grandma sooo much. To mourn her we all got together, went out to eat, and shared stories about her. We figured out that within days of her passing she had called each and everyone of us and talked to us. My aunt was mad that we were laughing when reliving these stories. (My grandma was the funniest person I've ever met). I told my aunt "This is the way grandma would want us to remember her. Sharing and laughing, not sitting around crying". And then she felt better. Then on the day she was buried we were all laughing and crying during the service, and that's what she would have wanted.

It's different for everyone. My sisters and I talked and laughed & shared stories & cried about our mom. My father's side of the family - their approach is "they are dead and buried and that's that". They might as well have never existed.

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We all do grieve differently, I agree. And sometimes it is hard when you're not only mourning someone but you're mouring a loved one with, say a spouse, that mourns differently.

I go through a variety of emotions, do a lot of talking, and eventually put it to rest. But it never completely goes away and that person is always in my heart.

Everyone does grieve differently, but I think that it's important to allow yourself the time to grieve your own way.

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Michele
Member of the Welcome Wagon
http://mommysavers.com/boards/how-navigate-mommysavers/

I just lost my dear grandmother in May and boy do I miss her. its really hard to think about her then somedays she's right there. I keep a picture of her on my desk and everytime I think about it it just breaks my heart.
The morning that she died I took my boys by her apaprtment and she talked to us. We only stayed aout 1/2 hour because I had to take the baby to the doctor but she seemed fine when i left. She said her legs hurt which was not unusual.
On my way back home I stopped at the store and my gm's neighbor said the ambulance was there so Iwent over there and they already had her loaded up. I told her I loved her and she daid it back then she was gone in the ambulance. It was already about 2:30 then so I went home to put my kids down for a nap and laid down on the couch. I dozed off then got up to start my homework for my ethics class and the phone rang. I thought it was my mom telling me what hospital room she was in but it was my granddaddy.
He wanted to talk to my husband who wasn't home then my neighbor who I couldn't get. He finally just told me that she had died and i thought i was dying. I remember screaming and screaming and my neighbor coming. My neighbor called my husband at work and dressed my boys., I drove down and got my dh at work and took my kids to the babysitter ina daze. DH took me to the hospital but it still felt like a dream. I think it wa the funeral home when it really hit.
I still have days that I cry a lot but now we look at her pictures and my 3 yo. son looks for Nanny squirrels. She always said he was a baby squirell. I missh er a lot and I'm sure you miss your friend. In time you'll come to terms with your grief and so will I but it is so hard.

A lot of people are uncomfortable talking about the subject, and therefore they just avoid the subject.

Some people get angry at the person who died for dying and leaving them.

When the boys died, I was lomesone and at a lost. I had taken care of them and suddenly after the last one died, it felt funny not to have to take care of them 24/7. Even though dd was still small and needed care. My whole rountine was gone. Then I got angry because their short time on earth had ended. I would never see them grow up, graduate from high school or marry and have children. You name it and I went thru all kinds of grieving stages.

For a while, I kept everything like it was in their rooms. Then I finally took everything down and put it in the attic.

If you really need to talk about her, find a relative or friend who knew her and talk over the good times with them. Or even a priest, who is trained to handle the grieving process.

I know that dh never knew my boys because they died way before we met, and while he is sympathic with me, he doesn't know what to say or how to react and it is awkard for him.