Hi Everyone!

My husband and I are expecting our first little one in March. However, due to a job transfer, we've had to move. We've been trying to sell our home for almost 9 months now, with no luck (and our mortgage is due to go up next month). His boss has been gracious to pay our rent here, while we try to sell our house.

Well I've had to quit my job with the move, and don't anticipate working after our baby is born, so I've become a stay at home wife until she arrives. The problem is, of course, the lack of income on my part.

Now we're VERY frugal people. We spend $160/month on groceries, try to keep our heat down to 60 degrees in the winter, don't eat out. We've cut everything possible - cable, cell phones - you name it, it's gone.

We're doing okay now, but next month, our mortgage is going up, our health insurance is due to rise, and my husband is insistent on increasing our 401K. We've gone back and forth on this millions of times, but he just thinks I'm "worried over nothing". We DON'T have the extra money right now. We still need a little bit of a buffer in case of anything unexpected happening.

I am so stressed out, I could cry. I wish we could sell our house, which we've dropped in price twice. I wish my husband could see that we don't have the wiggle room to think of retirement at the moment. I just feel so alone in this, and I don't know what to do. Any help would be appreciated.

Can you show him the actuals of everything so he can see for himself how increasing your expenses is unrealistic? Maybe make up a budget (Excel is great for this) of what you're spending now. How much income comes in, how much you have in expenses - so he can see where your pennies go. Make one for next month - add in the increased mortgage & health insurance costs. Then make another one that will begin in March. Tack on cost for diapers, wipes, formula (if you've decided not to breastfeed), doctor visit copays, medicines.. Your grocery bill WILL go up, so any extra buffer you get will need to go to that. (if you haven't already started to stock on diapers/wipes, buy a pack of both from each paycheck - you will NOT regret it. use coupons for savings). even with coupons, newborn babies have costs that come along with them. if you get a tax refund, that's great - save the money to help you through the year. show him all 3 of the budgets laid out and the actual visual difference of how your financial status will change. tell him you're not "worried over nothing", but that you're being practical. yes, it'd be nice to plan for the future, but if something were to happen that forced you to fall back onto credit cards to survive it, then banking a 401k is a little less important. ask if increasing the 401K can wait just one more year. ask exactly why he's so dead set on increasing it.. is he afraid something will happen? is he planning to retire early? if the answer is "because, i want to," he needs to sit and think longer. LOL bottom line is both of you working TOGETHER as you bring your little girl into your family - and keeping each other in check with your financial status. I'll never forget what my mom said to me on my wedding day - "Honey, there are 2 things that will shred a marriage if you let them -- money and family." Don't let this cause a rift between you two. I've seen it happen to my husband and I, and others.

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this site is great for finding tips to reduce costs. just take it one step at a time.

allgirls

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allgirls, mom to 3 girls

First of all, congrats on your baby!

My husband and I differ on our opinions on this as well. He gets a bonus check the first of the year, and he wants to put a huge chunk of it into the 401k; I would rather put a smaller amount in and use the extra cash to finally pay off that last credit card! We have stopped using the credit card for anything but gasoline (pretty much) and if we pay off the balance and continue to not use the card frivolously (sp?) we will have more income during the year to put into the 401k. When you sell your house and have that decrease in expense, you will hopefully have more money during the year to save.

I always feel it is important to have a readily available savings account for emergencies. I keep mine at a different bank so that it is not easy for me to just say "Oh, I'll buy this and transfer money" and I actually have to go to the different bank, take out the money, and deposit it in my other bank. It makes me think before spending.

Just be sure if you are starting to buy diapers that you don't buy too many of the smaller sizes. They grow so fast, mine were only in the size NB for a month and then size 1 for a month. I still have extras of these sizes in my closet. So far, none of my kids have made it past size 3 diapers. The oldest 2 moved onto pullups and then big kid underwear after that. Wipes on the other hand will come in handy until they are 18 and beyond...get as many of these as you can!!

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Frugal is being wise with your money and resources and cheap is forcing everyone else to.

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