I'm not sure how to title this. Here goes. My divorce is almost final. However since I have filed the paperwork, my soon to be ex has he's lost 3 different jobs. I cannot find work fulltime and searching and searching. Right now I'm working 2 jobs just to make it. My support was cut because when he was let go from Toyota his salary was cut in half.

In short this is my delimma. How do I live my life without relying on those payments. Right now it's paying my mortgage. However, my gut is telling me he will soon loose this job too. How do you live with knowing that the person will not live up to what is expected of him or his obligations. I would not worry so much if I was working fulltime I could then have the salary I would need to get me ahead and also be able to provide stable benefits for myself and kids.

I just cannot take it anymore. It stresses me out so bad and another reason why I cannot depend on him for anything.

Is it wrong for me to live off what I make (assuming I get a fulltime job soon) and if he continues to pay his support to save or pay the kids expenses. I don;t have a problem with him paying when he is working, however, when he was out of work for 9 months it was hard because he only gave me half. But I jsut feel that it's a matter of time before he gets fired or "laid Off" again and just cannot take this rollercoaster anymore. My counselor says to base my life on my own stability and not to rely on him for anything and make the best with what I can. Is that wrong.

Has anyone else ever felt this way with an EX or a Spouse.

I am sorry you have to go through this. I had two boyfriends that dumped me after having their babies when I was younger. I met my now husband, and we had always decided we would not count on any money from them. He considered my children his children. If they paid child support, great, if not, well he would provide.
Your situation is different, because you have to be the provider. You still have the right to go after him for your fair share, but I think you are going about it the right way trying to make sure you can make it on your income. You will be way less stressed if you can do it.
Now, I don't know how you go about doing that, because I don't know what kind of job you are capable of getting, and how old your kids are, do you have anyone that can help you.
But I will be praying for you.

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"The Christian does not think that God will love us because we are good, but God will make us good because he loves us."- C.S. Lewis

I'm sorry for your troubles. I think you have the right idea. Just try to live on your income and consider his payments (when you get them) extra. My sister's ex-husband rarely paid his support. Once she could get by without his money, life was a lot less stressful for her.

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We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.
C. S. Lewis

Unfortunately, just becomes some men can "father a child" doesn't mean they are a father to that child.

A true father, would pick up cans, to help support their kids.

But in a lot of cases, they either can't or won't step up to the plate. In a lot of cases they think that they are getting back at their ex, by not supporting their kids. But really they are hurting the kids.

In some cases, they move on and have another family that they are supporting, so the first family goes without in favor of the second family.

First of all this is between you and your ex, so DO NOT say anything in front of your kids about their dad, no matter how mad you get at him. Believe me as they get older, they see it all and you won't have to tell them anyway.

Second of all, try to get by on what you make. But that does not mean to let him off of the hook on his responsibilities. You will have to report his non support to the courts. They can give him jail time or take his license away.

You can also have his income tax refund, withheld from him and they will send it to you. But you do have to wait 6 months, before you can get it. But that is an option that you need to pursue.

Also, you can apply for state funds, and the state will go after him to support his kids, so that they won't have to dip into the states funds to support your kids, when their dad is able too.

Just make sure that you explore and check out all of these options.

It is sad when a mother has to make a father "do the right thing" when it comes to their kids!

Good Luck!

I am also a non recipient of any support from my ex for my ds. I have gone through the courts trying to obtain child support and basically if he wants to avoid paying, he can pretty much get away with it. It will eventually catch up to him. It is not easy going through life these days without the support, but try not to count on it. I have gotten to that point in my life. If I ever receive a child support check then I put some of it in DS's savings account and sometimes we will just splurge on something fun. Don't ever stop pursuing it however, I truly believe it is what is owed to your child.