I'm reminded of the old joke about the husband who comes home from work to find the house a disaster and the wife still in bed. He asks, "What happened?!?!?!" She says, "You know how you say I don't do anything all day? Well, today I didn't do it."

My advice - Find out what daycare would cost for two children then present hubby a bill for that amount X 3! Because, you know, daycare is only for a few hours a day and you're providing daycare AND evening care AND overnight care. Then tell him if he wants to pay someone else to raise your children, he might as well pay YOU to do it - and start taking that money off the top of his paycheck before he gets to see the rest! Then, if he balks at the evening and nighttime care. Remind him that you'd still be at work so HE will have to make dinner, get the laundry started, pick-up the house, watch the kids, etc. Start training him NOW for what it will be like when you're not just working but just actively looking for employment. "Sorry honey, you'll have to wash the dishes and give the kids a bath because I'm working on my resume!"

Heck, consider embracing his idea that you'll be working. Start dieting and working out. After all, you'll want to look your best when you're in the work force because you'll be up against those single women vying for attention from all those professional men. If he is stunned by the new charges on the credit card, explain you NEED a couple of good suits for job interviews! Drop hints about how you'll be busy establishing yourself in a new job so you won't be home many evenings, "You'll understand, Honey, won't you if I have to go out drinking after work with the crew, right?" And, "Who do you think will look after the kids when I have to go on a business trip? Oh, I'd love to spend a few nights in a hotel and eat in restaurants with my co-workers! Of course, I'll miss you and the kids, too." Make a point to not be home when he gets home because that WILL be the way it is when you start working. He better get used to it!

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"I've been rich and I've been poor but independently wealthy is where it is at."

Thanks to all that posted. I really just needed some reassurance and its nice to know I'm not the only one. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a bottle of scotch w/ my name on it. lol

I am working FT now but really want to homeschool my kids. I work in our area school so I know first hand what is going on...and the thought of my youngest ds going there next year upsets me. I mentioned and Dh was like "no way..." He thinks if there is someone to watch them than I should be working. I have been SAH and PT working over the years, but like another poster said, there was a time when I worked FT while he went to school! Dh admitted we COULD live on his salary...but that he didn't want to live that way anymore. So he does get points for honesty.

I think a societal issue for some men is that they see so many women working- working -working and not "seeming" to think twice about having their kids in daycare all day, that they think they are normal and that moms who want to SAH have some kind of issue. My cousin had her kids in daycare from 6 weeks old onward. And she works like 60 hours a week. DH sees that and figures that as long as we aren't doing that, then we're okay....KWIM?

Being any kind of a mom, unless you have super-husband, is a job on its own. Yes, when you are a SAHM there is a certain flexibility in your day that does not exist in many other jobs. Will I wash the floor first or change the sheets first? LOL BUT...you work from sun-up till sundown! Anyone who thinks its easy must have a lot of help, IMHO. I hope you can talk this out with your dh and help him see your point. Good luck!

You mean you don't sit around and watch Oprah all day and eat bon-bons, while the house stays spotless and dinner magically appears on the table.....

Sorry, I couldn't help it. I can relate. They just don't realize that saving the same amount of money and bringing in the same amount is the same thing.

You also forgot about the magic elves that clean his underwear/clothes and puts them away. lol

I used to get more grief over this issue from DH's side of the family. My FIL was always asking my dh when I was going to get a job? Some of dh's friends and coworkers were the same way. As if i went on elaborate shopping sprees and did nothing all day?!! I do remember the resentment i felt when they said those things and i still don't know if dh ever defended me or not?

This issue still comes up in our marriage from time to time. But, because it's such a sore spot we avoid it for the most part. However, early in our marriage when our first son was maybe a few months old, DH made the mistake of comparing my life at home with a colicky, screaming newborn to a PICNIC! He said something to the effect that he was working his hiney off while I enjoyed a picnic all day!

I saw RED! DS was the most difficult baby, I was a new mom, living in a new city with no friends, had just quit working for the first time so I felt isolated, lonely, and had no experience with a baby!! I was nursing and having trouble, trying to keep a house for the first time ever... it was a LOT to adjust to and he gave me grief....

I don't know if I'll ever return to full time work. DH wants me to get my real estate license, but doesn't pressure me to return to work. He also supports homeschooling if we ever choose that full-time sometime in the future. He's pretty flexible about most things. (He knows I'll be H*LL to live with otherwise! )

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Dr. Seuss

Luckily my husband is very supportive of having me stay at home until our girls are out of school. I don't think children stop needing a mom at home when they go to school. What if they are sick? What about the days they are off school - all summer. What about making sure they are safe when they get home and have someone there to help them with homework or take them to an activity. I'm thinking I'll finally get all my cleaning done the first day both my girls are in school. Right now I get up at 4am to exercise then chores and check email (most recently surf mommysavers).

I never plan to go back to work, my oldest will be in his second year of college before the youngest starts kinder.

As someone else mentioned, give your DH a bill for all you do--child care, taxi, housekeeping, laundry, accountant, secretary, ect...

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DS-16
DD-13
DD-5
DS-3

I love Cookie2's response. I'd be tempted to print it out and show it to him and see how he responds. :D

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