My dear MIL has 2 cc's my FIL doesn't know about! I just don't know how you could keep something like that from your spouse. She keeps the checkbook and handles the finances. She gives him what cash he thinks he needs out of his paycheck and she deals with the rest. Now he is about to retire and wants to know about the finances. She is sick trying to still keep it from him.

I feel guilty because we pay $100 a month on one of these cards for her cleaning our house every week. My DH feels guilty because when he picks up the mail (we all have PO boxes) he keeps the cc bills at our house if my FIL is home. Why are we helping her??? I don't know what to do to stop or to help her get the courage to tell him.

Any advice?

On a side note: the cc we pay only has a $650 balance on it so will be done before I quit later this year... and I guess we will not be helping her keep it from him anymore. Still I feel he should know even though it's none of my business I feel bad.

Does she say why she does not want him to know about it? I find the whole thing odd.

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There are obviously money issues between them. I would keep it between them, but that doesn't mean that you have to support it and facilitate it.

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Wow it would never occur to me to keep a cc from my dh! I guess I would advise her to come clean he does have a right to know.

Well, this is my second marriage after 25 years on the first and he walked. Yes, I do have one #2 Dh does not know about. But he is working and living in FL for now.

Has she ever mentioned why she keeps it a secret? I wouldn't be the one to tell him. Like you said its none of your business. But you shouldn't be in the middle of it either. You should let her know that you don't feel comfortable helping her keep this secret.

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Well, they fight A LOT about money. He doesn't make a whole lot (and he wants to retire soon) and she only makes what we pay her to watch out kids and clean ($250 a mth). She also makes about $40 a month babysitting another girl. She buys her medicine with her money and pretty much blows the rest - that is why my DH told her that we would pay $100 on her cc instead of handing her the cash but we hand her the rest in cash. I don't mean to dis her, I love her dearly and she is a good person... just not about money.

DH says that they fought all the time about money while he was growing up -- why he has money issues now I think - but that's another story all together LOL. I think she keeps it from him so they don't fight even more.

I had a lot of CC's that DH didnt know about at first, but I dont hide the bills at all. And now that he is in charge of the bills he pays them off and we havent had a fight about it.

I got a lot of my cards when DH was overseas and when we went to buy a house when he came back the bank actually told us that the only reason I had credit was because of the cards and that it was good. So, we have never fought about them.

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I have an old friend who did this..and got the guilts one night, wrote her husband a letter confessing all, and got the suprise of her life. Since SHE was confessing, HE confessed.....to an ongoing affair and his "mistress" was pregnant! The double whammy was that my friend couldn't have children..and after many many tests, they had adopted finally. Secrets are NOT good.

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Nope, he knows about all cards we have.
I would encourage her to come clean. She will have to eventually and better now than later.

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