I wasn't sure where to post this but here it goes.

A little history of our situation. When Jim and I were married we decided to have children quickly. Well I had enough savings to get me through maternity leave. And a little bit of an emergency fund. Well we were pregnant with twins. And I was taken out of work at 18 weeks due to complications. Uh oh! Well with me not working we blew through both savings. Then my girls were born early and Abbey has a birth defect. Both which has put us in severe debt and it keeps piling up with multiple doc appts. Something I have come to accept. Ok, so needless to say we struggle month to month. We try to be frugal and I am hoping to learn more ways to cut back. (Like DH to qui smoking but sometime I think no matter how broke we are that will never happen) My DH works fulltime and sometimes tons of ovetime. I care for two other kids other than my own plus have a home based business that is very slowly growing do to time contraints. I feel that we really are bringing in as much money as possible and still being good involved parents.
Well my DH grew up wealthy and his parents are big spenders. Well his brother and dad just went half in on a lake house in MN. DH is so upset that we can't afford something like that and gets into these hopeless moods. He is one of those keeping up with the Joneses types. I on the other hand grew up very poor. So what we have now seems amazing to me.
I have tried being harsh and saying if he would quit smoking that would save us a ton of money, but he just gets really aggravated with me.
I even try to be sensitive and say that it will eventually get better. And he just says no it won't it will always be like this.
I just don't know what to do anymore. How can I make him realize that we don't "need" all that stuff? And to quit comparing himself to his brother and dad?

__________________

You're in a tough situation. I feel for you. Any time spouses don't agree on money things have got to be hard.

In most cases like this, it's rarely about the money. I would venture to guess that your husband has some self esteem issues. He probably sees himself as less valuable as a person because he can't buy the things his brother can.

To borrow a great phrase from KathrynHannah, help him see that his self-worth isn't tied to his net worth. Try to boost his self esteem in any way possible. Thank him for the things he does that aren't related to money. If he's a good dad, tell him so. If he makes you laugh, let him know. If you want to get him to quit smoking, tell him it is because you want him to be healthy and live a long life with you.

Trying to cheer him up by saying "it will get better" makes is sound like what you have today isn't OK. It is. He needs to come to terms with what you have right now and be happy with it. You can help him do this.

When he brings up your medical debt, stop right away and remember the reason for the bills: you have two beautiful girls. Would he rather have a lake home, or a healthy child? By focusing on the positive, you'll bring more of the same into your life. Dwelling on the negative and lack of money in your household will only get you down.

__________________
Check out the Mommysavers Fan Page on Facebook
Frugal Tweets! Follow Mommysavers on Twitter
Preorder the NEW Mommysavers.com Book: Instant Bargains

Well...since Kim seems to have hit the nail squarely on the head....I can only second her words and say hang tough...everyone has their lows...hopefully his high is right around the corner!!!

It's hard though...hugs to you !!!

__________________