I don't like to think about death. But recently someone who loves me gave me a tongue lashing about not having a proper will. I had one of those 'will kits' I bought off the internet where I just filled in the blanks. I thought it was good enough but finally I relented and dragged my frugal behind in to see a lawyer this week to get proper wills. Boy, was she shocked to see what a sad state of a will we had. Then she gently proceeded to point out all the flaws in my water-tight internet fill in the blank will. Oops. We'll at this stage, I'd like to think, better late then never.

This is a confession here. My name is Kathryn. I have two kids and I didn't have a proper will until Friday.

Now I'd like to challenge you with some of the questions the lawyer challenged us with. (Feel free just to ask yourself these questions. Don't feel you have to reply as long as you know the answers yourself.)

1) Do you have a will? Is it legal? Water-tight?
2) Do you know where your will is?
3) Does your extended family know where it is, in case you and dh die together?
4) Who would you like to have custody of your kids? Have you asked these people? Do others know? Is that included in your will?
5) Do you regularly (once a year minimum) update a list of all of your accounts with approx balances, including retirement savings, and kid's education funds, so that if you died, someone would be able to find all your money?

Where there's a will there's a way!

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1) Do you have a will? Is it legal? Water-tight? Yes, yes and yes...

2) Do you know where your will is? Yes

3) Does your extended family know where it is, in case you and dh die together? Yes

4) Who would you like to have custody of your kids? Have you asked these people? Do others know? Is that included in your will? Yes

5) Do you regularly (once a year minimum) update a list of all of your accounts with approx balances, including retirement savings, and kid's education funds, so that if you died, someone would be able to find all your money? Yes

We did but we need to update it alot of VERY important information has changed. Like who will get our kids, well thanks to my cousins divorce now I have NO CLUE. My dh and I have a pact that he has to be the one to die b/c there is no one else to mother our children!

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A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water.-Eleanor Roosevelt

I highly recommend getting the Nolo Press book on wills and estate planning. It is terrific and YES you can have a water-tight, self written will. I wrote our wills on our own computer and had them reviewed by an attorney and there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with them. When we moved to this state, some of the laws were slightly different so we did use an attorney but I won't do that again. When the adoption finally goes through, we will update our wills on our own.

We also learned, due to executing the estates of other family members who passed away, that MOST assets should be set-up to pass outside of a will. All of our accounts - investments and bank accounts - have beneficiary statements attached to them. Just contact your financial institution to ask for the appropriate paperwork. We don't have to update the value of our non-real estate assets because the value is never mentioned in the will and we don't need probate to pass them to our inheritors.

The only thing passing in the will will be our primary residence and vehicles. And, of course, our new wills shall address the custody / guardianship of DD.

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"I've been rich and I've been poor but independently wealthy is where it is at."

Yep, one week after my mom died dh and I got into the lawyer's office (we were only married 5 mos.) and did our wills, durable power of attorney's, everything. My poor mom, who died 5 mos. after being diagnosed with cancer, hadn't changed the beneficiary names on my father's profit shares when dad died! That was 22 years before! Her name was on it, obviously, but she hadn't changed the beneficiaries to my brother and I!

The policy was sitting on the kitchen table when we brought my mom in to the hospital where she never returned. I think even in her state of mind she knew she had to do this, but hadn't the strength. Thank God my brother saw it and called up HR and they took care of it for him. My parents worked SO Hard for that money, and for it to wind up tangled up with red tape or worse not distributed to us - would have been a nightmare on top of an already nightmare.

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is it expensive?

An attorney will charge anywhere from $175 to $375 for basic, boilerplate wills for a married couple. The actual writing of the wills is practically free because all the attorney's assistant does is plug in your names and few other pieces of info into a computerized form. The money goes to the initial interview with you about your wishes and the witnessing of your signatures. The attorney may or may not keep a copy of your wills but you will have copies and you will pass along a copy to your executor (or tell them when your copies are located.)

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"I've been rich and I've been poor but independently wealthy is where it is at."

I hadn't thought about the account information update. So now I will add that to my things to do. Everything else is a yes.

Thank you for the info

We have all that. Except we're so wishy washy on naming a guardian. Can I make an amendment (every time i change my mind) and just add it to the will? We had an attorney draw everything up originally but I'd hate to have to go back and pay someone just to change a name.

Just know that if someone challenges your decision as to whom to leave your children to, they may go to someone else. Yes, this can be done if they have "standing". I know, because I challenged my BIL's will and won guardianship of his(and my sister's) daughter, even though he had named his mother as guardian. I know this sounds harsh, but we had perfectly legitimate reasons and concerns of her being guardian. I'm not going to get into all the details, but he MURDERED my sister (and killed himself) and no one in their right mind was about to allow a murderer to decide who my niece was going to live with! I know that this is a circumstance that was very unusual, but it can happen. And it doesn't have to be because of a murder. If a child is in the custody of someone besides their parent at the time of the parent's death, that person has a right to challenge a will.

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Frugal is being wise with your money and resources and cheap is forcing everyone else to.

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