We've been struggling financially since our last DD was born 2 years ago but we have been able to stay afloat until last fall. DH's union went on strike for two weeks in October and then when they went back to work hours were cut and there was no overtime like normal. Then Dec 31 my boss retired and I took a 2+ dollar an hour pay cut. Most of our savings is gone due to medical expenses with our 4 DDS. Part of our problem is 2 vehicle payments, for $325 and $275 and then $50 each a month for insurance. The larger payment is for DH truck that sits in the garage and doesn't get driven and the other is for the van we needed to purchase so that there was room for everyone to drive safely.

Anyway we've tried half heartedly to sell DH truck off and on for the past year with no results. Well the last few weeks I've really been making DH aware of how much things cost and how things need to change before we get to far in debt and can't get out. Well Tuesday we got a bill from the hospital for $6000 for DDs OT and speech therapy for Jan, Feb and March. Lets just say DH was overly pissed about it. Well after a long "discussion" it was decided that we really need to get rid of the truck payment . So yesterday I listed the truck for sale. Well someone came and looked at it this afternoon and then came back and bought it. Well DH is pissed because his truck sold plus the parents were able to afford to just write out an $8500 check for a vehicle for their kid.

I could care less who bought it as long as the check doesn't bounce (I have the check and the truck until the check clears). I'm happy that these people could afford to just pay for it, no hassle with the bank. But now I'm feeling guilty because Dh has to sell his truck even though I know I shouldn't.

we are in a financial pinch as well. so I totally understand. However, sacrafices have to be made for good things to come. Be patient and good things will come of this.

We got into our financial mess when dh went back to school. Some months ended up charging gas and groceries just to survive so I know where you are coming from. Last month I had to sit down with dh and show him exactly what we owned and to whom. I showed him the spending diary I've been doing so I can track spending and my debt reduction plan. His vehicle will be paid off in August so that will free up $423/month. My plan is put that money towards savings then add it in to my debt reduction plan to get out of debt.

You did what you had to survive and take care of your family. Who cares who bought it as long as it's gone? If he wasn't using it anyway why is he mad?

He has no reason to be mad at you. Are you sure he's mad at you? It's more likely he's mad at the situation. You did the right thing. Talk with him - let him know how YOU feel. It really isn't fair, is it, that we get stuck with medical bills for something we can't control. I really wish there was a solution. I always gave to March of Dimes and Easter Seals. Yet, when little Diva was born with a birth defect, I tried to get help with the medical bills I'm still paying on - yes I have insurance, but it's not enough. I was told they don't help individuals. I even asked the Dr. beforehand and he knew of nothing to help. It's just not fair, but I guess there's nothing we can do about it. You did good, as usual.

__________________
Make someone's heart smile today.

The Really Needy, Special, Networking and Talking Mod

Yup I'm pretty sure he's made at me but he's also made at me because of the situation we are in. I did talk with him last night when he got home from work, he's mad about the medical bills because if I didn't take DDs to OT, speech and the counselors we would have the bills in the first place. He thinks the girls are just fine the way they are and I just need to live with the fact that they have issues. He's also upset because I don't budget better and I feel DDs always need things.

Now this morning he's mad at me because I had the guy who bought the truck make the check out to DH. He says he doesn't have time during the day to deal with these things. DD has gymnastics this morning for 50 minutes so when is he suppose to go to the bank . I tod him to go to the guys bank and cash the check, either get cash or have a cashiers check made out to me to pay te loan off and the money that is left over he can decide what he wants to do with it. Men are so stupid some time.

We too struggle every month. Pretty much have 0 dollars at the end of them month. My girls have 10s of thousands of dollars of medical debt due to the NICU and Abbey's birth defect and they keep piling up because of continuing visits for Abbey (she alone see 4 docs a year, plus PT).
We are in the process of trying to sell my car right now with no luck and then just use Dh's truck (paid off in two more months) for a bit and put the car payment money towards the never ending debt.

But back to you. I really don't think that DH is mad at you. Jim gets really mad a lot about money and takes it out on me. Even though he really is mad at me. It is just wrongly directed.

Hope things get better.

__________________

Prayers and hugs that this gets cleared up. I struggle from month to month. I love to eat and even struggle over some of the junk I buy to eat. I try to tell myself I could save money if I didn't eat so much.

I am so sorry. He is really in denial! He has no idea how necessary the OT is, and you both would be doing a huge disservice if you didn't do this for your kids. My dh has questioned some of the things I do w/our son, too. I simply can't afford many of the things I'd like to do for him and his sister, but I push for things at the school. Believe me, if your kids didn't need it, the OTs would let you know. I'm actually trying to find one for my son. The school can't help me, the Dr. doesn't know of anyone, and in truth, my energies have been on the baby and on ds' school issues.

You are right. He is wrong. He is in denial about many things and is being selfish. My dh tells me I don't know how to budget, either, but my problem is that I don't have the time to! Even when I'm on here, it's stop and go! I'm sorry, but budgeting doesn't put the money into the account! Can't get blood from a stone. I felt guilty that little Diva was born w/birth defects (hate that word. She is not defective!) that required expensive surgery, but it could have been worse! I felt guilty because it's from my side of the family. But know what? It's not my fault. I didn't ask for it. It wasn't under my control. Should we be denied having children because of a cosmetic flaw that is fixable?

I truly feel we need more help in society, though - should our children suffer because we parents can't afford the best care for medical conditions? OK. I'm kicking out my soapbox. He'll probably come around. He really is being selfish. I would just state my case calmly and give him a few days to mull it over. Also, ask him for a solution, since he thinks he knows so much. Would he rather have his kids not be able to cope? It takes time for OT to work, and it's not always visible progress, but it is progress. He would see regression if they were to stop. Would he really want to subject them to that? And it will take a few days to come around - men are slow. And stubborn. And, yes, sometimes stupid. My dh is finally realizing that dh does have issues, but what's really helped is my telling him why ds does something the way he does and how it can be handled. DH just won't read about it, nor, in truth, does he have the time to. I think a lot of his denial is not knowing how to solve the problem. I find that the more info I give him, the better he is at coping and having less frustration. He, too buried his head in the sand at first - he's always like that - if I don't acknowledge the problem, it doesn't exist. But knowing the root of issues and ways to work with them has really helped bring a change in him.

Good luck! I'm so sorry you are doing this all on your own, and with more than one child! You really rock! Just keep doing what you're doing, and feed him info - a little at a time - to digest. Take him with you to a few appointments - tell the Dr. ahead of time so proper conversation can be ready. He does have to make this a priority and take a little time off for it. And you're right about the check. Just make and effort, dear! I can't do everything. I've told my dh to go marry his mother if he just wants to work 9-5 and then check out of life after that, while I go 24/7. He sometimes belongs in the 50s!

__________________
Make someone's heart smile today.

The Really Needy, Special, Networking and Talking Mod

I'm not as kind as desertmom. If my DH dared to be angry with me over this kind of issue, he'd get a big ol' thump on the side of the head! I'd let him know, flat out, that his priorities are completely messed up if he is willing to put the love for a truck above the love for his children. I would also take hsi attitude into consideration before having any more children with him.

__________________
"Poor people work for their money. Rich people make their money work for them."

We ran into this situation a couple of summers ago. We sold my DH's truck and bought him a car for $1400. It saved us about $400-$500 a month. It was well worth. We got back on our feet and my DH was able to buy a better car to drive. I'm very sorry that you are feeling so bad. I know how you feel. Parents have to make sacrifices sometimes. You are doing what's best for your kids, so don't feel bad about it.