Ours are the same way. It is something that the lawyer recommended when we got ours done, and we thought it was a good kind of check/balance idea. This is just one of the reasons that I'm glad that we spent the $$ to see a lawyer to do ours rather than just getting a generic form to fill out -- there were lots of suggestions/ideas that the lawyer had that we would have never thought of on our own.

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Erin, aka Quentinsmommy, mom to Quentin (1/03) and Ian (1/06)

About a guardian not being financially able ...

Do keep in mind that you can leave your life insurance money to your children in trust. Even $100,000 can go a long way to help the guardians be financially able.

Also, a child with deceased parents (one or both) receives social security survivor benefits. The amount is based on your income at the time of death but I think the minimum is $500 a month. Again, this goes a long way to making the guardians financially able.

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"I've been rich and I've been poor but independently wealthy is where it is at."

I'd say if you have someone that you think would be great parents to your child you should ask them regardless of financial situations. Like Cookie2 said, you can leave your life insurance to the child. Money does not make a good parent.

We are going to get our wills done because I don't want dh's family to end up with our child if something were to happen to us. But we can't agree on who would be a good choice either. Its hard to think about.

BTW if something was to happen to my parents my sister would have became my responsibility. I am 6 years older than her and they (and I) thought I would best be able to care for her in that event. She is old enough now its not an issue but I always knew that fact and would have welcomed her although financially it would have been tough for us.

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Proud mommy to adorable Kinsley

MY BLOG!

It went pretty well. My dh agreed to have my parents as guardians. I just don't want his parents near them or the money as I don't trust them and they don't have the same values as we do. My parents are great with money and would not be dependent on our money for their own lives. My inlaws would.

So, when it came time for #2 guardians, that is when I got nervous, but dh recommended some friends that I am perfectly ok with!! YEAH! (He is just going to ok it with them and we have friends to backup that if they decline.) I was so afraid he would change his mind and want his parents as guardians.

Yes, we can each do a will and name somebody different, but, at least in our state, if we die at the same time, it would not be instantaneous, so if he died and then I died 1/2 hour later it would be my will that was followed and vice versa. So, it was really important to us to be on the same page as far as guardianship. Turns out, leaving some savings bonds that dh's grandmother gave us to his parents was enough to keep him happy, so it all worked out and did not affect our children's financial security.

Aliadam, you are in a bit different situation since your kids are teenagers, but I would still recommend you do it! (And you, too, Happymom!) It took a big stresser off my back which has been there for quite awhile. Plus, it is like HAVING children. There never will be an ideal situtation. Shoot, if it has to be used, that means my children will have lost both parents and that is NEVER a good situation even with excellent guardians set up.

you just motivated me...

I just got off the phone with my mom and will be naming her and my dad guardians until the time that they are too old or my sister is old enough to be named so. She is only 17 now but a great girl and at a later time I would want her to be the one to tell my kids about me and I know she has very similar ideals to myself and dh.

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Proud mommy to adorable Kinsley

MY BLOG!

Good for you Claire!

The will situation has hung over my and my dh's heads for years like a black cloud. We've gone over the guardianship thing backwards and forwards a thousand times -- we just don't have anyone who could care for our dd if both of us dies. I'm usually such a detailed planner -- this was so stupid of me. If I'd thought harder on the lack of available people to take our child if we both died, I never would have had a child.

Of the possible guardians:

My parents -- too darn old. Also, my mother doesn't believe in going to doctors unless you are dying, so there's no telling what ailments my dd would have to suffer through without getting help.

Dh's brother -- he's a decent enough guy, but he basically works from sunup to sundown and is only home to sleep. He's not able to get very involved with his kids. His wife is a mental lightweight who is only into herself and only gets involved with her kids if it's necessary. Their kids have turned out horribly.

Dh's sister -- she's a bum. Not gonna happen.

So here we sit with no one to care for our child.

I know you're right....but we just don't know who to pick. We have three siblings between us.

The most viable is my sil. She loves them, I'm sure she'd do it, she's financially able to care for them especially with what they'd get, they both adore her and I'm sure they'd be happy. The negatives with her is that she's VERY morally/socially/politically different from us. She's twice divorced and still parties and vacations quite a lot (which is fine for her...just not if she's raising my kids) and she currently has her two very small grandchildren probably 40 hrs a wk, so I'm not sure how that would work with the demands of my two. She raised her dd with very different standards than what we're raising our kids. But she's still our best choice. Ugh...see why I hesitate.

I have two brothers who live several hours away. So I'd have to rip my kids away and send them to a new city away from the home and schools they LOVE to add to the insult of their parents dying.

One is divorced and bitterly hates women, and has some very odd ideas about life. My kids both do like him, but I'd feel very uncomfortable with him raising my dd. My ds would probably do fine with him, but I wouldn't consider dd.

My other brother probably wouldn't take them. He didn't even visit or help take care of my mother who lived one block away (YES ONE BLOCK AWAY!!!!!) after my dad died and my mom was alone, couldn't drive and had dementia.

So see my problem....ugh...maybe happymom and I should list each other and then we'd both have someone. Except...no offense happymom...but I'd take all of them except your oldest dd. I'm too old and tired for all that nonsense.

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Aliadam, it sounds like you have options! We have our parents and my brother - that is it for family! I wish we had more siblings between us, but God only gave us one and he is so messed up right now, he is not an option.

But, you have raised them to be great teenagers so I am sure they will be fine in the small inevitability you have to do it.

Starlite, that is what it felt like to me, too. A black cloud. . . especially since I am such a planner, too!

My oldest is almost 21!! You would not have to take her!!!


Actually, we did ask my cousin and his wife if they would take the kids and they agreed with no problem, we just have not gotten it written up yet!! I know that is really lame!!!!

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~Happiness is a large family~