Wow, WTSAH, that was a powerful post! Thank you! It seems like such a thankless job, but I truly think my kids are better for it. It's hard on both sides of the fence, that's for sure!

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I have been a SAHM for 6 months now and love every minute of it. I definitely recommend making sure you can live off your DH's salary before leaving your job. I still work but it is for myself. Doing odd jobs here and there and am trying my hand at my own business (carving gourds). Any money I make is seperated out for different things like vacation, date night, back into my business and gifts. This is working very well for us. I was so overwhelmed working full-time and then working full-time at home. I am still busy but it is much more fulfilling!

I can second all of it. But, keep in mind, things can change for better or worse and you need to be prepared for anything, whether financially or just mentally prepared with a very open mind. And sometimes that best plans and intentions just don't work due to stuff you just don't see coming. I became a SAHM because my oldest son is Autistic and we were having a lot of problems with him in daycare (before he was diagnosed) so I decided to stay home, which I wanted to anyway, but we didn't really plan or save up like we should have. My husband got a very good raise, I had worked for years and we had some money saved and were doing OK. We decided to have another baby and buy a house, which we saw as a wise investment since we were getting out of a crappy rental and into a good school district. But, 8 months after we bought the house, we had to have the entire A/C and heating system replaced and had to finance that, then I had major dental work that we charged, then my son needed medication every month and our copays were upwards of $100/month. The bills racked up, the debt piled up and soon were charging groceries, gas and putting bills on credit cards. Then our two paid off vehicles both needed repairs,which we charged, then we had to buy a new vehicle when one died and we now had a car payment for the first time in a while. I tried to go back to work but after 6 months of my older son having problems in after school care, had to quit again. I didn't really get ahead much by working after all of this, especially since I was paying for after school care for one and daycare for the little one. it turned out that my second son was also very delayed and though not Autistic, he had ECI visits several times per month, then at age 3, started in a preschool program at the public school, but it only went for 3 hours per day. So, though I now found us in a position where I needed to work, I was really not able to. And though I tried to cut expenses where I could, I needed a cell phone in case the school had to get me while I was not at home, I use my internet for everything, and the cable TV was invaluable at keeping my little one entertained (yes, that sounds bad, but anything educational that he watches and can learn from is a plus).
Now, my older son is 10, my younger son is 5 and they are both in school full time and I have a 4 month old daughter. I have a part time job at my church which is literally around the corner from my house and can take my daughter to work with me and be home by 2:00 when my 5 year old comes home. And though we are still in debt, we are working our way out slowly. We are really a frugal family, but with two special needs kids, it's just different for us than most families and when we "planned" our life a few years ago, this was not something we foresaw. This post is not to scare anyone or discourage anyone, but just to mention that sometimes life has a way of throwing things at you. I wish everyone the best no matter what choice they make, whether working or staying home, because everyone will have a different set of circumstances and sometimes it seems like neither decision will be the best one.

Jenn, mommy to DS Evan, 10, DS Liam 5, DD Kristany 4 months

I don't necessarily advocate jumping in without a plan. I wish we'd had a better plan in place, since this is my first week as a SAHM, and while emotionally I'm finding it much less stressful, I do worry about us financially.

My husband and I had been going back and forth for months about whether or not I could quit my job. Even with both of us working, we were struggling--the only people getting paid on time were the daycare and before/after-school programs!

I won't go into details, but things came to a head a few weeks ago when we realized our lives were spinning out of control, things at home especially were chaotic with no change in sight, and everyone needed more consistency in their lives. My husband is waiting to hear on a job promotion, but we decided that whatever happened with that it was in everyone's best interest that I quit.

I'm having money from my 403(b) plan transferred into an ING account, and with that money we're going to pay the mortgage through the end of the year and pay down some debt. Beyond that, it's all about tracking the money and budgeting. It's going to be very uncomfortable for a while, but at least the kids will be happier knowing that they can come right home after school (to a cleaner house), relax, have a snack, get homework done earlier, and dinner will be on the table at a decent hour.

So now that I've just gone and done it, I would appreciate any advice you have. I really enjoy this site, and I look forward to learning from you.

Thanks!

Donna

Mom to Jimmy, 9, and Chris, 5

When I became a SAHM 7 years ago it wasn't planned in any way. I walked in daycare called the state on my way out and never looked back. My husband was shocked to say the least but he understood. We had just bought our home and we weren't sure we were going to be able to keep it but we are still here so it has worked out.

The first things I learned are you don't need cable, a large phone package, to buy lunch out everyday, the car insurance will go down (you aren't driving in rush hour anymore and are due a discount), clothing doesn't have to be dry cleaned, less clothing to buy, gas wil cost less for your car, you can now cook dinner, and many other things I didn't think to list. Your will have to scale back a little but being home is worth it!!!

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I jumped into the stay at home mom role, because my babies would'nt stay babies too long. I looked around for pt at home jobs, finally found my niche!! I love candles, and pampering myself, but on my SAHM budget I couldnt. I think as mommies and wives of working dads we have to TAKE CARE OF OURSELF!! It may be lighting a candle, taking a 10 minute bath, or even putting on smell good lotion to put a smile on our face! That little bit is enough to start the day off right!

My best advice is to give yourself a break. Being a SAHM is a learning process.

We thought we were well prepared and thought we had "practiced" enough. Of course, nothing is quite like the real thing.

You may get it some CC debt at first, don't beat yourself up over it. Pay it down as soon as you realize where you overspent. Life is precious, don't spend your days freaking out over money mistakes. Change your habits and move on.

I am in year #2 of staying home and I feel like I FINALLY get it. It's become much easier and I spend at least 1/2 of what I was spending at this time last year. It took some time to really accept the reality of staying home.

Get involved with other SAHM's in your area, either through a Mom's club or even at the library for storytime. They may not all need to pinch pennies like you do, but they all are interested in finding fun free things to do.

I didn't have the"luxury" of being a SAHM when my kids were young - and when I say "luxury" I mean that in a way of the rewards that you get by getting to be at home with the kids. Many people see SAHM and WAHM as being "taken care of by their husband" .... well, SURPRISE SURPRISE SURPRISE!!!!

If you read my post in Debt Elimination Success Stories, you will know our struggles. After my ex died, I re-evaluated what was most important in life...and that is when I realized working 40-60 hours a week as a paralegal and making a fair living, the dollar I earned while being away from my kids when they needed me most couldn't hug them and dry their tears like I could. So I started looking for something not to only supplement my paycheck, but to REPLACE my paycheck.

I researched many avenues, because I could not afford to be scammed - so after finding an opportunity for my granddaughter to use as a fundraiser for her many sporting endeavors, I knew my dreams could and WOULD be realized.

The posts that I see here on the forum are repetative on advice and it is excellent advice PREPARE and PLAN. Don't jump head first without a plan and don't look for a "get rich quick plan" - they don't exist...if they did, we'd all be rich!!! LOL

I started my home-based business 2 years ago and have been able to go from 40-60 hours as a paralegal to support my family, to 20 hours PART-TIME AND LOVING IT! My goals are on track and in January I go to 15 hours a week and by summer I will be full time SAHM!!!

You have to find something that you love to do and you believe in. How can you give what you don't have?

Even though my children are 29, 25, 22 and 16, they still need me...whether it is financially, emotionally, or physically. That is one "obligation of motherhood" I will always cherish!

So, what happens to SAHM when the children grow up?????

THEY BECOME SAHGM!!! **Stay At Home GrandMother and LOVING IT!!!

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Rebecca

I am looking to being a SAHM and I am curious as to what the husbands are making to afford to do this?
Can anyone help?
By the time you pay your mortgage, utilities, cars, cells, and insurance plus groceries and gas, I can't see how to manage to do this?

That's a tough question to really answer. I think it is relative. If a woman who has a husband who makes a terrific salary still wants to live in her mini mansion, she may not be able to stay home unless they downsize their house.

However, I also think that with some people, they don't want to change their lifestyle drastically. With that being the case, it makes it extremely hard.

For instance, you mentioned cable. When you want to be a SAHM, cable is a luxury. So is the cell phone, mommy and me classes, shopping for food the way you are used to and many other frivilities.

Good luck to you! Check out all the boards so you can get as much help as possible if staying home is something you're willing to sacrifice for.