I couldn't agree with this statement more! Too many Mom's I know decided to stay home and then...BOOM...realized they needed to help out income-wise or needed to do something part time when the last of their small children went off to Kindergarten. Most of my friends never maintained their contacts and now, seven or so years later, they're left looking at lower paying jobs than they would have if they had only kept up with former co-workers or thought about keeping their options open. Seriously, these are college-educated women, some with MBA's who will work in minimum wage jobs because they don't know what else to do. There's nothing wrong with minimum wage, but these women could absolutely be making more working part time in a professional situation and would be more satisfied.

I did exactly what MommyDixon did and kept my contacts up. About three years ago, a former manager of mine called to ask if I could freelance part time for his new company. He knew my situation but just needed someone to help him out 10-15 hours a week and since he knew my work ethic, was comfortable having me work from home. Then, another former co-worker called and I did some work for her. I now have a successful freelance marketing career going and this year, I'll probably do enough work to make a full time salary.

In the past three years, my income has definitely helped us out through some rocky financial times. It's hard now, but when my kids are all in school (two years), it will be easier to work and be home for my kids. I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

My single biggest advice to friends entering SAHM-land is to keep your foot in the door.

I want to be a sahm more than anything. Sometimes that is all I can think of. However, my dh doesn't want it. Neither one of us make very much money. He feels that we already can't make ends meet. I feel very differently. I have been a member of this site for a while now and have enjoyed all of your money saving tips. I have seen that you can have a wonderfully happy life without all of the bells and whistles of today's society. My dh and I had our first child at a VERY young age so we ourselves are still young. My dh wants to keep up with what everyone else our age has. We have FULL cable ($200 a month), a car payment, more cellphone power than we know what to do with and a state of the art Man-Room. We eat out alot because I am so tired by the time I get home all I want to do is hug my kids. We have been blessed in the sense that we do not pay for daycare. My mom has watched both kids since they were born. This is a big expense that we do not have. However, it has made the argument harder for me because dh thinks that my mom keeping them is just as good as me.

My question is...How can I help my husband see that wanting to stay at home isnt' just me not wanting to work? I want my kids to have what I couldn't have. My mom was a single working mother with three kids (my dad wasn't around). My dh and I have the opportunity to be there for our kids when they need us and not to busy to listen. We have been talking about me quitting my job for about 3 years now but he just won't consider it.

Has anyone else had a problem like this? Please help. Is there a way of helping him understand without starting a huge argument?

By the way, I have a VERY small business that could potentially make extra income if I had a little more time to devote. Another reason I would like to stay at home.

I just want you to know that I know exactly how you feel. I am a nurse so I have the potential to make good money. However I am like you, my mom worked all the time and as a child all I wanted was for her to be there when I got off the school bus, or have time to play games,read to me ect. She had no choice since she was a single mom also.
It is hard for the dh's to accept you not wanting to work because there is so much pressure in our society to maintain the two income household.
Also, it is hard to convince them of the fact that being at home with children all day IS WORK! I can say that I have been both. Working mom and stay at home mom and the stay at home mom is more work. However it is also extremely rewarding! I love being home.
I begged my dh for 1 and 1/2 years. I cried all the time. I missed my little ones terribly. Finally he did agree. I was pregnant with my second and I had some health problems so he really had no choice. However, once he got a taste of me being at home and how much better things ran for our household then he really became convinced. Another thing I have done is started couponing very seriously and that has saved us tons of money and he can see that. He can see that by me being at home I can do all the coupon savings/shopping,ect. that I mgiht not have time for if I worked.
As far as getting dh to cut back, what I would do first is see if there are ways you can cut back without him knowing it. Examples of this would be to cut grocery bills, any of your extra spending,ect. One thing I did first was make my dh change our home and auto insurance. We still have the same amount of coverage, we just went with a different company and have saved over $700 a year! You might look into your cable bill. I understand that your dh can't be convinced about getting rid of his favorite channels but is that the cheapest service out there? Could you go with another service provider? Would a satelite be cheaper?
I would sit down and look at all my bills and just start with cutting the ones he wouldn't even notice and then set those saving aside in a savings account. That way you already have some cushion if you do get to stay home in the future. Then I would start tackling other things a little at a time.
I hope the advice made some sense to you and I hope that it helps. I am not saying to hide all this from your dh. You can let hime know what you are doing. When I say do things he wont notice I mean he wont know the difference if you paid $2 for oreos as opposed to $2.50. They still taste the same. I am sure this post is clear as mud. But I hope it helps you some.

Thank you so much. I hope I didn't sound like I was complaining about my dh. I think I will follow your advise. Just as of yesterday I have started to re-evaluate my own personal spending. I don't spend alot, but sometimes I do buy things with the attitude of "I am unhappy and I need to buy this to make me feel better". But that attitude HAS GOT TO STOP. I am going to look ahead and show dh that we do not have to be destitute for me to be at home with the kids.

Again, thank all of you so much for the threads. They really do help put life into perspective!

Keep us updated on how things are going. I ment it when I said I know exactly how you feel. I was heartbroken about leaving for my job EVERYDAY and it never got better for me. I never felt like my job was where I belonged. I am so much happier now at home. I realize this is not the right choice for everyone and some people enjoy thier career or have no shoice but to work. But it was definitly the right decision for my family.
I didn't feel you were complaining about your dh- just looking for a solution to the issue. I understand it being a "hearts desire" to be at home. It was mine also. If there is anything I can do to help you get there let me know!

Warning... this is long.

I agree with the poster who suggests cutting back on thing your husband won't notice first. However, I would go a step further and create a budget that ONLY includes your husband's income. If you pay bills etc, I wouldn't even mention that you are attempting it until you've been able to actually do it. If the cable is a necessity for him, then don't consider cutting it, cut something else.

Do the hard work first, and see if it is actually do-able. See where your shortfall is, and figure out how many hours you need to work to reach it. Be sure to be realistic - include money for emergencies, savings, and yearly bills.

It will probably take you a few months to get all the kinks worked out (you may even want to invest in personal budgeting software to help you). You will probably have to sacrifice some personal time (i.e. make dinner instead of eating out) and get really creative. BUT, once you are comfortable with a budget that assumes one income, I would set up a 'date' with your husband and ask him to simply THINK about your cutting back your hours at work. Don't have the discussion then. Wait a few days, and then tell him that you'd like to set up a time to talk about it, and ask him to bring his concerns with him. At that meeting, LISTEN. Don't try to convince him. Ask leading questions, let him do the talking. Don't try to 'solve' every concern he has. At the end of your discussion, walk away with his concerns and set up a time to talk about it again. If you pray, take some time to pray over each of his concerns during your quiet time and ask for wisdom and guidance - and also for a humble heart so that your husband doesn't feel like he is being railroaded. When you finally do sit down and talk his concerns through, I would show him what you've been doing, and encourage him that you feel very strongly that you should be home more and that you are willing to sacrifice to make it happen.

Sorry this is so wordy... In a nutshell, it is important that your husband feels included, respected and that his concerns are important in this decision. If he is afraid of not having 'enough', it is also important that he see it is doable. Mostly, though, you will need to be willing to compromise and take it slow. Good luck!

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Blessings,
Amethyst72


"...and by what we think, we create the world around us, daily new..." M. Zimmer Bradley

I am also having trouble convincing my dh that it is very possible for me to be a SAHM. He is having a hard time thinking about living without a lot of the things we take advantage of now: cable, blackberries, going out to eat, and just having some extra money in general. We dont end up with very much extra money at the end of the month anyways. I also dnt want him to think that he is being taken advantage of. How can I approach my very sensitive dh about all of this. I want to try and tell him about this website and all of the amazing advice and pointers and money saving ideas that are on here. How can I do all of this without making him anxious and nervous??? We are expecting our first in August!

I agree it's very important to plan ahead if you are wanting to becoming a SAHM. Financially but also emotionally... I am a "list" person and I finally put together a list of things I can do for myself when I need a boost... and most of them are totally free! Lists are also great to help you save money (planning purchases, list of possible meals, list of gift ideas for loved ones)

I think there are so many moms that are thinking about staying home but are really put off by "all those" negatives (which are really only less income and not having your identity at work). Instead focus on all those positives! Being there to see every milestone, kiss every boo-boo, applaud every achievement, and begin your child's education so they have a good start with reading, etc. You can set the tone for your child's day. If you start cooking more there will be healthier, more satisfying food, and (hopefully) less stress in the daily schedule.

One of my favorite things about being at home is being able to fully support my dh in HIS career... he's gone through some tough times and I can give him full attention and support, since I don't have my own job to stress about.

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Stay at home mommy to one beautiful girl, Anna Dee, born February 2008

I know exactly where you are at. I am a sahm that needs to supplement my dh's income. Even though we scrimp and save it is not enough. So, I work a part time retail job a couple of nights a week and on the weekend. It is not ideal, but I am with my kids 90% of their awake time. It still leaves me and my husband acouple of nights a week of alone time. It means I am constantly busy a juggling a lot of stuff, but it is totally worth it.

I started to stay at home with my kids when I looked at what I was paying for daycare and fuel prices and realized that we were not making any money. Please when you look at what you make and your expenses consider what is being taken out of your check besides daycare, fuel, clothing expenses and food. Although your grocery bill may increase having people at home all of the time it may be less than the fast food that you purchase so you can fix something fast when you get home. Another thing is consider the expense of getting a coffee or lunch when you work away from home? These expenses should also be included. You can also wear cheaper clothing at home instead of the more expensive clothing that you wear everyday to work.