Yes, I plan on paying for kids' education, daughter's wedding (within reason), and I would help out the grandkids if the parents couldn't afford to do so. I may even fork out for a vehicle if they needed it for college (only if they were willing to also help pay for part of it as well). I totally agree, Happymom- innocent kids' shouldn't suffer because of their parents.

I think I am biased here because I can think of a situation close to myself where bailing out the adult kids time and time again has created more finanical difficulties than it has solved. I think there is a fine line when help turns to hindrance... just wondering where that line is.

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Bail your adult child out of credit card debt?no
Give them money to buy a vehicle? Give no but loan yes
Pay for a home downpayment or co-sign a mortgage loan?We probably will give our kids a downpayment for their wedding gift like our parents did, if they don't own their own home by then
Give them money to buy furniture?Hmmmmm, not sure
Pay their membership to a health club?no
Pay for your grandkids' school/activities?You bet, all I can afford to give!!!! I would rather do that than give them junk.

Let me just say I will never cosign for my kids. Also I believe if I loan money to my kids, I never expect to see it again, and if I do bonus!!!* So I guess I just contradicted myself above, oh well.

Good question.

In our family we NEVER ASK for money. If it's offered then that's a different story. We see the line being when it's offered rather then when it's assumed or asked for.

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I think even some of these have gray areas, but without knowing specifics here are my answers:

Bail your adult child out of credit card debt? no
Give them money to buy a vehicle? no
Pay for a home downpayment or co-sign a mortgage loan? no
Give them money to buy furniture? maybe as a present
Pay their membership to a health club? if there health was at risk than yes, but just because they want it then no
Pay for your grandkids' school/activities? again as a present maybe, but not as a general rule - for example, I could see giving a membership to a museum as a present for Christmas or something, but to just pay for preschool no

Kim, did you watch Dr. Phil last night? It was about this exact thing. There was a girl, 23 I believe, who felt she was entitled to everything excessive (clothes, shoes, big SUV, huge TV, laptop, etc) and she lived with her mom. Oh, and she had no job. Very long story, but in the end, her mom was having stuff hauled away (to storage) but gave her 30 days to find a new place. THIS type of entitlement attitude, I hope to God my girls never have, but is one I would NOT help out financially.

Anyway, the word that comes to mind is responsibility. If I know that I have raised a financially responsible child, on into adulthood, I will be more apt to HELP pay for most of the things you mentioned. I don't see it as a "right" that they are entitled to but would offer them as gifts. Such as contributing toward a down payment on a house, but not co-signing, or helping pay for a car, not the whole thing. If I know that they are working hard, saving, and have a goal in mind, yes, I will help out.

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~Jenn~

Adult children? It depends. If they are irresponsible, constantly getting into trouble with money, etc. then I think I'd distance myself as far as giving them money, but helping them learn how to handle money better.

If they are responsible but say have a low paying career and need a loan or a 'gift' to help them out, definitely a yes here. If ds married someone and they had kids and the mom really really wanted to be home with the kids, you bet I'd help them out financially so they could fulfill the dream of staying home with the child or children. They are only small once, for so few years! If I could help them with that dream I definitely would.

I plan on paying for at least half of our kids college education if not all. I would expect them to be vested in their education somewhat like paying for all or part of housing and/or books. I would pull the funds if grades were extremely bad.

I think it is ok for parents to buy their teenager a cheap but functional car. My parents did that and it gave them more control over how I used it and they had me contribute $50 a month towards the insurance.

I think it is ok for parents to help out with down payments on homes if they wish and to help out with a small loan in case of an emergency. Such as in our case when we were given 2 weeks to move for a new job and had not expected to have to move so fast. We had to borrow money to pay our bills while we were waiting for the first check to come which took forever...the check including a moving bonus which we used to pay back DH parents.

Jen

It really does depend on the sittuation. DH and I have been fortunate to start off and make some good choices when it comes to money. My little sis is a single mom and living at home because even with the degree (teaching) it has taken her 2 years to get a job I think in my parents case helping my sister out to get a down payment would be great. Even with her working hard it would be years before she could save up enough on her own. My husband and I didn't need the help but our parents still helped in taking out loans for our education. So really if the money does go toward getting your children self sufficiant then yes give the kids money. If they are always blowing the money then no

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Kimberly Proud Mommy to Bethany Rose April 2006

Maybe I feel the way I do on this subject because no one has ever helped out my dh and I. I know a friend of dh's whose mom bought him towels and pans and I thought that was just something nice to do for him, for his first apartment. He didn't ask for it, she just figured she'd help him out. Little things like that I am planning on doing for my boys when they leave the nest. I'd bring over a couple bags of groceries sometimes, get some towels and other little things. But I would not buy them a house, a car or furnish their new home. That all comes from hard work. I had an uncle who was basically a loser, a drug addict, never had a job and my g-ma would always just keep on giving him money and let him still live with her and his sister's dh would bail him out every time because he was a cop. I don't plan on going crazy with giving my boys money for a wedding either.

Bail your adult child out of credit card debt? NO
Give them money to buy a vehicle? NO
Pay for a home downpayment or co-sign a mortgage loan? NO
Give them money to buy furniture? NO, but possibly offer to buy an appliance or two if they just bought their first home or something like that
Pay their membership to a health club? NO
Pay for your grandkids' school/activities? NO, that really should be the parent's responsibility. If I need to paying for it that means the parents really can't afford those activities and should take the kids out of them. I plan on spoiling my grandkids, just a little bit though, here and there. That is something different I think.

I would like to get my kids through college and get them married (the girls at least) and then they are on their own. They must get summer jobs or internships while in school. Thats what my parents did for me, so that is what I hope to do for mine...

Bail your adult child out of credit card debt?No
Give them money to buy a vehicle? No
Pay for a home downpayment or co-sign a mortgage loan? No
Give them money to buy furniture? No
Pay their membership to a health club? No
Pay for your grandkids' school/activities? Maybe some fun activities as a gift.

Would you pay for their wedding? I would give them a budget - I got $10000 and I stretched that all the way to the honeymoon. So the equilvalent of $10,000 when they get married.
What percentage of their education do you hope to pay for? 100%
If you had the money, would you buy their house and let them pay you the interest? No.

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Mom to Kaylee (10/2006)
Waiting on our second bundle of joy to arrive January 2009!