OK, we covered SAHM--what's different for SAHF?

Shelbruk · **OK, we covered SAHM--what's different for SAHF?**

I'm warning you in advance, this is a book, but I wanted to include as much as possible so you might be better able to get a feel for my particulars. So, here goes........

Since my income is about twice his, and my job's benefits (like health insurance) are pretty much impossible to beat, we've decided that DH will become a SAHF when our first DS arrives around September.

He's trying to get his home-based business off the ground to help out, but he's so unique and specialized (broadcast media) that it's not easy, especially in our rural area. He's currently bringing in $12/hr. contract labor working for a realtor, but when the banks are closed, so is the realtor's office, and that means $96/day DH doesn't get. He's trying not to get down about it; he feels like he should be earning more so I don't have to. I have to remind him that his most important job is Dad, and that we will make it work.

I'm guaranteed $39.7k this year, with potential to gross up to $44k. I've run the numbers, so I know that we can pay all our bills every month based on just my salary when the time comes. Meanwhile, we save a little every month for emergencies, and are paying down the 2 cc's (did have 5) and one line of credit we have as much as possible. That's the only debt we have other than the mortgage & my student loan payment. Both vehicles ('97 Cougar & '02 Escape) are paid for---and no, we can't sell one of them because the I use the Escape to deliver the mail every day. We've already got enough life insurance on both of us to cover both salaries for 10 years, plus pay off ALL debt (incl. home) and burial expenses. Also, since I'm the primary (and soon to be only) breadwinner, I've taken out a disability policy on myself that begins to pay me after as few 14 days of lost work for up to 2 years. And, I've got some coverage through AFLAC.

I've not been the greatest at cooking for the two of us during our marriage, mainly because up until the last 6 months we've worked totally opposite schedules. (Sometimes we'd go 2 weeks without actually seeing each other's faces, because one would be home while the other was at work.) That's one reason why DH wanted to quit the TV station--sometimes his shift would end up being 16 hrs. long without any notice. He does make more now than he did there, though, and we get to actually spend evenings together. But back to the cooking thing: I've gotten a cook book that has a section at the beginning to explain terms & methods used in cooking, and with some yummy & easy recipes. I've told him he needs to learn how to do this, and he's been making slow progress that direction. Soon I plan to get cracking on freezing some meals for after the baby arrives, and I plan to get him involved in that, too.

He does a pretty good job about watching the spending, and only getting what is needed from the store when I send him. Our problem lately was my major vehicle expenses ($650+ every month for 5 months straight nearly killed my budget altogether--but got them all fixed right) and the price of gas going from $1.96 in the middle of January to $3.35 by June without an increase in my Equipment Maintenance Allowance from the Postal Service (still only $21.40/day). The last couple of months it's really been hard to choose between buying nutritious food (for myself since I'm pregnant) or putting gas in the vehicles. I've waited until the absolute last minute to replace the bald tires on the front of my Escape; the bald tires on the Cougar will have to wait a little longer.

And I can't get anything refinanced at a better rate; our credit history took a beating a couple of years ago when I was laid off for 2 months after an accident. The credit cards were cut up long ago, and we REFUSE to get anymore credit of any kind. As a matter of fact, we have a new mattress for our bed in layaway, slowly being paid so we can bring it home before the baby arrives. BTW, have you noticed how many places are doing away with layaway in leiu of store credit cards? It's insane, if you ask me! (I'm also a Dave Ramsey fan--can you tell?)

Despite the surprise of an unplanned pregnancy on my budget, I've been blessed with great friends & family to help me get stuff for the baby, probably more than I'll need (and I haven't had a shower yet). My sister's not only giving me her DD's baby furniture (Katie's now 4), she's also springing for the new flooring to go in my nursery. My mom & I went halvsies on the cost of materials to make the bedding & accessories, which is going to cost so much less than buying a new bedding set. My cousin in GA informed me last week that she's sending her mom (my aunt) home with 4 garbage bags full of baby clothes & duplicate items that she got for her now 6mo son doesn't need. (I'm also having a boy.) And my friend Debra has been hitting the local garage/yard sales every weekend for at least 2 months buying more baby clothes & supplies for me. My mom & I have joked that I might have so much in the way of baby items by August that I can have my own yard sale of mostly baby stuff!

So what am I overlooking in getting us prepared to have DH stay at home with DS? I know you experienced moms will have different views & ideas for me, so let's hear it, 'cause I'll take all the help I can get!

Happymom · 06-23-2007, 08:26 PM

Holy cow!! I think you have thought about more than I ever could!! My only thing is to make sure that dh has a support network. It is very hard to go from being at work and social, to only having a baby to talk to.

Good luck!! My dh stayed home with the kids way back when after my 2nd child was born and he loved it!!!

Shelbruk · **Btw...**

.....did I forget to mention that I WILL be breastfeeding to save on formula? I'm determined (and stubborn) and have already been making preparations to ensure I can produce the milk DS will need. I will have my breastpump (with all the accessories) by August, so I can pump if necessary to help bring the milk down. I even have already purchased the car-sized refrigerator ($10 at a garage sale; reg. $50-$75 retail) to keep what I pump on the route cool until I get it home.

Thanks so much for reading all this & responding!

desertmom · 06-23-2007, 08:57 PM

I agree. It sounds like you're doing a GREAT job in the planning. Just remind him that he will be VERY busy when babies come - it's a full time job, believe me. Even down time when baby is sleeping is spent cleaning, napping - which will be important, laundry and simply staring at the beautiful creation. He needs to know to give himself a break - it will pay for itself...your income will definitely go down, yes, but everything changes after a baby, and seems like you guys have a realistic handle on it.

This site and Kim's book will help you!

As far as the refrigerator, it won't be necessary if you use a breast pump like the Medela that has ice paks that can be stored right in it for keeping the milk fresh. And breast milk is fine for a few hours at room temperature. I used that system when pumping at work. But do be realistic - you may not have enough milk when working full time and may still need to supplement - that's what happened to me. But any breast feeding at all helps!! Obviously, the more the better, but you gotta do what you gotta do and still get rest yourself.

Stacey Chambers · 06-23-2007, 09:14 PM

Wow you have really thought this all through. I agree with Happymom to make sure that DH has a great support network. It may be hard for him to make the transition. You have done a lot of planning & preparation girl. I wish you the best!

Shelbruk · 06-23-2007, 09:28 PM

I have saved up about 30 Similac Singles, and have signed up to receive Enfamil as well, just in case I do need to supplement for a while.

And how do you guys think I found this site? Because I bought & read Kim's book! :happy dance:

DH didn't have a lot of social interaction with coworkers at the TV station, mainly because the late hours had a skeleton crew, and at the realtor's office it's just the realtor and his very elderly mom & dad. My mom & dad live only 5 minutes away, but I've already told DH that we will be taking DS to things like Mothers' Day Out at the local church. I explained that even though the name is Mothers', times change & dads get days out, too! It might also give him a chance to talk with other stay-at-home-parents & build his support network that way.

Besides, I want to make sure DS gets plenty of opportunity to learn the social & interpersonal skills that his dad & I didn't get at an early age. It made things very difficult for us growing up in school with other kids our age when we'd only been around adults for the first few years.

Country~mouse · 06-23-2007, 09:29 PM

You must be a full time rural mail carrier? Those are some long days, especially being 6 days a week. Sounds like you have a great DH willing to help with the kids and the house. I am a substitute rural mail carrier and i get worn out after working 4 days in a row, so i know you are putting in some long days,ugh,especially in the heat of summer!! Have you been doing this for awhile?

Shelbruk · 06-23-2007, 09:42 PM

Yup, seven years as of Jan. 29th. Didn't go regular though until August 21, 2004. My Escape has dual controls, which is THE BEST for safety & comfort on the route. Fortunately, my route is a full K route, meaning it's evaluated at 8.66 hrs. a day with one day off every week. When I went regular, I chose Tuesday to be my K day (relief day). The mail is about as heavy on Saturday as it is on Monday, and I could only get one or the other off. But the days after those Monday federal holidays---BLECH!

I remember working one day after Labor Day from 6 AM until 10:45 PM because I missed the dispatch & had to take the mail to the GMF (General Mail Facility) in Ft. Smith, 20 minutes south of my station. So now that Tuesday's my day off, I don't have to worry about that happening anymore! :happy dance: Besides, I get to have all my dr. appts. on my day off, go shopping, run errands, etc., without having to take a day of annual (vacation) or sick leave to do it. That's how I've managed to rack up nearly 8 weeks of paid leave in just 2 years for my maternity beginning in Sept.

blessed_with_6 · 06-23-2007, 09:51 PM

Do NOT pump while pregnant without your dr's consent. Everytime you pump or nurse, whether while pregnant or nursing a two year old, your uterus also contracts...which while pregnant, can bring on labor too early. Nipple stimulation is actually a way that my dr. recommended putting myself in labor for my last baby. I did it for nine minutes (three weeks early), and labor started immediately. She was born 7 hours later!! Your milk WILL come in, I promise, as determined as you sound! LOL I was like you with baby number two after a failed attempt at nursing baby number one. That determination is what paid off...and I successfully nursed ALL the rest of mine!

Have you also looked into WIC? I have no idea what the cut off is now, but it might be an option for healthy food while nursing AND the rest of your pregnancy.
Consider adding up all your insurance policies to make sure that you have what you need and not too much. Aflac AND disability is a lot. If you have the Dave Ramsey book still, double check on that one. I know insurance premiums can eat you up, and being insurance poor isn't good, either!
Other than that, I agree that you seem to have this fairly well covered! You might make sure that if you have a ton of tiny baby stuff that you swap out for bigger things, etc. and keep the "good stuff" that you use, to barter on here with other mom's for "free" stuff for everyone too!!
Good luck to both of you. We have had one or two dads come to the board, so make sure you tell your dh he is welcome, too!!

Jules47 · 06-23-2007, 10:20 PM

Wow! I'm just really jealous that your going to be able to make if off your $39K a year!! We were going to try to make it work with DH making $37K and with me working part time from home making like $10/hr and we couldn't find a way to make it work!
It sounds like you have all of your T's crossed! Good luck!