I couldn't have said it better myself!!!

I feel bad when we can't do things, but I do feel we still have a good life. And we are fortunate for what we do have and how we have survived and have this nice home. When we got this house it was under the agreement I would still work. Well I took a voluntary layoff and am still off, no one has been recalled. So for 2 years now we rely on DH's salary and are making it. And the decision for me to take off was my dad got very ill (folks used to babysit)and with my job as a flight attendant and DH's hours it was easier for me to just stay home than find in home child care. With our hours daycares were impossible. And we did that unexpectdly. So it's tough but at the time I made a choice and gave up something I love for the people I love and now we have a different lifestyle. My dad died just over a year ago, and i was thankful I was HOME to be there, not off who knows where trying to get home to be there, and that to me is priceless. My folks always helped out, took us out, mom would always get 'care' packages of goodies, and well she still does. Be grateful your folks can treat you, and in return even if you can't treat them back, go over and help with the yard, clean the gutters, do something to show you appreciate it. It's great you don't want the monetary help from them, and want to be responsible for your own debt. It is hard not to have the money to go out and do everything your pals are, but you are on your way to working your way out of this. But in the maentime, do not turn everything down. Ok, trip to Vegas may not work, but try to get to a dinner or concert. You still need some fun!

We always have to say no or go without things because there just isnt any money to do so many things. We probably get a call once or twice a month to go out and we always say no. First of all we have no babysitter (another long vent) and no money. We havent been out in months. We take the kids places but it is always places that are close by and cheap. I wanted to take the kids to Colorado to the Jellystone camp ground thing this summer. but between gas and food prices, we decided we couldnt go. We have hard time coming up with gas money to go visit family 50 miles away even though once we got there, we would be feed and everyone would even have a bed if we wanted to spend the night. It is so depressing. I have considered getting a part time job. But my husband is self employed and his hours are crazy. I could never work any weekends and only a few evenings. Plus, since I am the one home all the time, I am the one that gets them to all their summer activities and will be the only one to get them up and off to school this coming school year. It is just a never ending vicious circle.

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Nothing is as important as passion. No matter what you want to do with your life, be passionate.
Jon Bon Jovi

Yes I feel sad about having to turn things down because we don't have the money. I hate having to explain this to my sons. I want to give them the very best and when other kids brag about what they have to our children it hurts. Adults aren't any better. When they brag about their vacations or latest "toys" I want to tell them shut up. I feel like I can only take so much. Well how come you guys don't buy this or that? I really try to tame the green eyed jealousy monster down but sometimes it wins. If a person really works hard for what they have than I am truely happy for them. But their are some that gets all the breaks. If they get in a bind family always bails them out or they get a "job" in a family business where basically they play computer games all day and goof off.

I could go without, but what hurts when you have to tell your kids "no". The look in their eyes is the "killer". It just feels unfair for the kid's sake.

Princess, I agree with you about the "braggers". It's worse when your kids friends are bragging and keep going on and on and my own just don't understand why they can't have what "everyone else" has.

Cant remember who posted it, but I too am following Dave Ramseys advice. I have started "debt snowball" and already have two less bills per month then I atsrted with just 5 months ago! Ramsey Rocks!

Back to the question, I do feel left out a little and even feel guilty that my children dont get to participate in all the stuff the others do because we dont have the extra $$. Birthday parties are a big deal on this side of the family and I have tons of debt just trying to handle holidays birthdays and its so stressful.

Your post kind of makes me sad...

"Giving your kids the very best" cannot be measured by what you buy them. Why would you want to teach your kids that things matter more than quality family time or good childhood memories? Why are you surrounding yourself with people who make you feel bad about yourself, and more importantly, make your kids feel bad about themselves?

I bet that not having the latest gadget hurts your feelings more than your children's...after all, they only know what they have been taught. Take the high road and teach your children that intangibles matter like family, helping others, being a nice person, not making other people feel bad, etc. NOT THINGS. When they are feeling bad about not having something that their friends have, maybe you could point out that some kids have nothing...not even a place to live or food to eat.

You seem to be a genuinely concerned and loving parent and are beating yourself up for nothing.

BTW, my husband has a large salary with lots of great benefits and perks and we often say no when people want to go to expensive places or do certain things. As far as people asking why we don't buy this or that, we just say we are happy with what we have and leave it at that. You don't have to explain your choices to anyone.

I'm sorry that my post made you feel sad. But that's how I feel. My motto to my children has always been to tell them to look on the bright side and that some have it alot worse than we do. But here lately all they do is say we know what you're going to say mom. And repeat my words right back to me. I tell them it's the truth but they are adament that others have it alot better than we do. Sometimes they get a glimpse at others and see what I mean but alot of times they see the children pretty much getting everything they want. I do stress how much going to the park, river, and just sitting on the couch all cuddled up watching a good movie together is much more fun than buying the latest toy. What I meant by buying them the very best is basically certain types of clothing such as shoes. Say what you want but sometimes you get what you pay for. I know what your talking about when you said giving them the very best cannot be measured by what you buy them. I don't think I'm a bad parent but sometimes I think my kids think I am. When they say things like we are poor it hurts. I tell them we are rich in alot of other areas that count.n my soapbox:

Cant remember who posted it, but I too am following Dave Ramseys advice. I have started "debt snowball" and already have two less bills per month then I atsrted with just 5 months ago! Ramsey Rocks!

Back to the question, I do feel left out a little and even feel guilty that my children dont get to participate in all the stuff the others do because we dont have the extra $$. Birthday parties are a big deal on this side of the family and I have tons of debt just trying to handle holidays birthdays. The hardest part is seeing the kids faces when we tell them they cant have something because mommy and daddy cant afford it. Heartwrenching.


Busy Parents, tired of hearing the kids whine about whats for dinner. Problem solved.

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