I guess he has radically changed this belief if he wants to haul you into court. I'm sorry you are going through this.

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Mommy to Bryce 2/20/2005 and Skye 3/4/2008

Depending on how long you have been together, how long he has been supporting you, the amount of money that her makes and the fact that you left work to raise his (and your) children, you may also be entitled to palimony, which is just like alimony. As for a $900 retainer, why not go with a legal aid lawyer and put the $900 towards bills?
I do agree about going to get emergency aid throught he county/state. I am not sure where you live, but may I suggest that you gring all your paperwork with you, including the retainer, the paperwork with a court date (if you have one) and bank account statments. those statements will prove tht he has been supporting you and the children and then decided that he would not do it anymore. You should be able to get emergency aid.
Good luck to you. I am so sorry that you are going throught this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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~ Heather
Mommy to 4 Angels and 1 Earth Angel

Legal aid is a great idea! Also, I agree with the equity loan. It's not a popular option but you are in an emergency here. Unfortunately, it'll just get nastier from here until you get to court and get everything squared away. The same thing happened to my sister. Her ex husband was all compliant and willing to work things out until he realized for sure they weren't getting back together and then he just hit her where he could hurt her the most, her credit. He knew how important it was to her to have good credit. She eventually filed bankruptcy. That was a few years ago. Her credit is getting better everyday. It's actually pretty good but she works very hard to get it that way. And the peace of mind of not having her jerk of a husband around has made her life so much better!

So go to legal aid and get working on child support. Does your state have common law marriage? If so, that will be bittersweet. You will qualify for alimony but you will have to go through a divorce proccess. Good luck to you! This is the higher ups showing you this man is not for you! Even though him saying he wants nothing to do with the children is hurtful, it's also bittersweet. Think of the clean break you get when this mess is over. Some men stick around not because they love the children but to give the women a hard time. Hugs and good luck to you, hon. It will be a struggle but things will turn out okay.

Sorry this is happening to you! I think you definitely made the right choice in seperating from him. He needs help! He is trying to manipulate and control you by using your children and money. What father would not want to see his children because he is seperated from their mother??? I can't understand that??? He is not giving up his life for his wife as Christ did for the church so he has no right to accuse you of sinning! I pray that all turns out for the good for you and your children! Hang in there, you seem like a strong person, you'll get through this! Sounds like you will have a good job once you are finished of your training....that's good!

i'm going to throw out another thing technically once you have shared a residence or joint acct you are considered common law marriage so he maybe be able to take stake in your home just so you are aware to ask an attorney about this so you don't get screwed out on your home. definately close all credit card acct (yes it will hurt your credit a little) you can't risk him opening or charging more with you attatched to it...good luck keep us posted and please seek help from a womans shelter they at the minimum can point you in the right directions.

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SILENCE IS GOLDEN BUT DUCK TAPE IS SILVER.

My SIL is now somewhat seperated from her significant other (they were engaged & living together but not legally married). She called a lawyer to get some advice and was told that in our state (OK) she is considered "common-law" married. SO, apparently she has the right to alamony & child support. Like Brensmom said though, check to make sure he has no claim to your house at that point.

I agree with most everything else posted. Get a job asap (good work there), call your creditors, and check with a pastor for assitance.

All that, and take care of yourself. Remind yourself that all this heartache & worries will get you away from this man. I know it's hard to see now (and easy for me to say), but I really believe that when this is all over you will be able to look back and be happier with yourself and your family.

Take care and know that we are praying for you!

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In some states, you would have a "common law" marriage some states and might be eligible for alimony. Find out what your legal status is in your state. (This would be of help down the road.)

Also, down the road, the fact that he has not paid child support for any length of time will work against him in court. Please keep in mind that "punishing you" now will only hurt him later. Judges take a dim view of men who are "deadbeat dads." Make sure you date and time the conversation. If there are witnesses to your phone conversation, talk to them. Your dating and timing of the conversation will correlate with his date of non-payment.

I agree with the others, call friends, family, church, women's shelter, etc. for help. Call your creditors and inform them of the situation. You should be able to refinance your house to assist temporarily. These types of loans typically take a couple of weeks to process. Also, apply for welfare, WIC, foodstamps, etc. As an unmarried (legally) woman with four children, you will be in the best position possible to receive aid. If you were legally married, it would actually make you less likely to qualify for benefits quickly.

If you have a credit card, consider putting emergency purchases on it (like food) if your friends, family, etc. can't help immediately. Find out if there is a local food bank. It can be public or private. If you are in a large area, there might be more than one food bank. They can provide immediate assistance. Your local women's shelter/center should be able to help you find any and all assistance available to you.

Get moving on getting the job as a court translator. It offers good pay for someone just getting back into the job market. It will be hard as a single mother, but you can't let your kids grow up with him. He is abusive and sounds like a sociopath. Controlling, manipulating, with little to no sense of right and wrong. Look up the signs of a sociopath on the internet and see if that is what you are dealing with.

He is trying to "buy" his way back into the house. This is emotional and financial abuse. There are reasons why he no longer lives with you. Please be strong and remember those reasons. Good luck.

It is my understanding that some states have a "Common Law" marriage, where after a certain number of years you are legally married if living together. Ask your lawyer if this is the case where you live.

I am so sorry you are going through this. -sarah

What a terrible thing to hear. I don't have anything new to add, other than that that my thoughts are with you, and check with churches, even if it's not your own, because most all of them have some sort of program to help you, and help you immedietly. I know that ours does, even if people aren't church members. Good luck. And don't forget to tell the judge/lawyer that he refuses to provide for his children, just to "teach you". He can be mad at you, but has no right to take things out on his children.

if i were in your position i would definately be going for legal aid and any government help i could get. i would also cut any extra bills like internet and cable, and if you have a cell phone as well as a landline, and any other extra's that you have that are not absolutely neccessary to have. as for your status as married or not, i have no idea if you would be common law, here in canada, you'd be considered common law no matter where you lived, but no idea as to what would happen in the case of a seperation. good luck to you in figuring out how you are gonna get through this. big hugs to you and your family.

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Kimberley

"there is nothing to worry about, just plenty to think about" from an episode of Extreme Makeover House edition

check out my blog:
http://mommysavers.com/boards/journa...owjournal&j=21