Hi. I am not sure if this is the right place to post this, but, I am freaking out. I have been seperated from my children's father for over a year now. He has been paying me child support (plus a bit) monthly, so, we don't have a court order. Well, we got into an argument a couple days ago and he announces that I "will not see another cent from him until it is court ordered". Of course,I was very emotional, and, asking him what about the bills? grocery? electricity? Well, he says, that is my problem. He says he knows my parents won't let us starve. So, I have $1600 or so (mortgage, electic, gas, credit cards, credit repayment, etc) due within the next 12 days, and, $32 in my checking account.

My parents have agreed to pay the $900 retainer for an attorney, but, what about all of my bills? I am furious and so hurt. WE cant get into court for 3-4 weeks. I have listed some items on ebay- but, they only total like almost $100.

I talked to him last night and he said that he expects it to teach me a little "humility". He has control issues and has always wanted me to do everything his way. This all comes after he decided that he is "ready" to come home. He can't accept that at this point, we aren't ready for it. And, honestly, after all of this silliness, it makes it even more obcious to me that he is still just as controling- and, fit-throwing as ever. Funny way to convince me that he really loves our family.

He has also made statements that he wants nothing to do with the children if he can't have me (he has seen them 5 times in a year), he says that he won't pay a penny more than he has court-ordered to, and, he is saying he won't repay my parents the money he owes them or make any more payments on the credit card that he used to go on elaborate vacations (he knows that I dont want our credit to fall apart).

We are not legally married, so, I can't get alimony (even though he makes a great living). Also, he keeps throwing up to me that I am not to "put away" my husband. We are Christian, and, were married in a non-legal Christian way. He keeps telling me that I am sinning and will be eternally damned. LOL.

Thanks for reading this far, and, for letting me vent. Any ideas?

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Wow. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. He sounds very immature and selfish. I hope you can limit your dealings with him. It's great that your parents are helping you legally.

It sounds like you've been on top of all your bills to this point. You need to call everyone you owe money to and explain the situation. I would think they would be willing to work with you.

I hope everything works out for you!

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Ordinary riches can be stolen; real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. ~Oscar Wilde

I'm sorry that your going through this. Not sure i have any advise for you though. Could you go in and get assistance? Could you go to your church and tell the pastor that your in trouble financially? Call the places you owe money to and see if you could get an extension on your bills.
Also i don't really understand that your not legally married but were married in a none legal Christian way???? I'm a Christian and i've never heard of that. I think i would ignore all his ranting about sinning because sounds like his behavior is way out there. He shouldn't be judging anyone.

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Jodie....Wife to Andrew (1995)
Mommy to Riley (2000) and Wyatt (2003)

I agree with Jodie!! Call tomorrow and see if you can get some assistance from your county. Are you working at all? Maybe they can also help you find a job and daycare.

Good luck to you!

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~Happiness is a large family~

I'd apply for food stamps, WIC, check out Angel Food Ministries, etc. YOU have a mortgage payment due? Is the house in your name or his? OR both??? If you are on the credit cards and have joint accounts I would close all I could, dept. stores, etc. That way he cannot run up anymore debt. If you opened any accounts and he is on them as an authorized user I would call and have his name removed so he cannot run up more debt.

Call the utility companies and be honest and see if you can get an extension. If you ignore it you will wind up in the dark and have no air. And have penalties to pay for reconnection. So call now, and be upfront.

I do not understand aboout your marriage, and I am concerned about your home and whose name is on the title??? Even if you cannot get alimony, you need to be legally separated, or divorced and get it to court for support.

Do you work? I am assuming no, and don't know the laws or how all this works, but maybe you should look for a job.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Starting with Ebay is good, can you hold a yard sale too? Do you have any type of savings, retirement, stocks, anything?? Good luck, please keep us posted.

Is there a Womens Resource Center or similarly named community support group? I went thru the same thing with my ex - my local center was able to help me get food and money to pay my utilities and mortgage payment until the child support was ordered. You're very lucky to have family (I did not) but it's never easy asking anyone for help.

Reading this dredged up so many bad memories, I feel horrible for you. Big Hugs

I agree w/ what others have said. You should definitely call the people you owe money to and explain your situation and see what you can work out. Then you should go and see if you can get assistance, at least for the time being. I know where we live they will ask for the fathers name and info and they will garnish his wages. Also, it maybe good for you to look for a job so that you can try and get some income coming in to help support you and your kids.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I am sure its very hard but keep your head up and do some of the things that people suggested. Eventually, things will work themselves out, hopefully. I will be praying for you and your kids and we are all here for support and ideas and suggestions. Check the board and you will find tons of money saving ideas!

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SAHM to Elias 3/00, Camdyn 7/03 and Teagan 5/08

thank you for your very quick support. I appreciate it emmensely.

To answer your questions:

We were not legally married. We prayed and asked God to link us to one another and said vows infront of friends and family, but, no legal forms were signed. This was for several reasons. One being that we felt the government is too involved in families and in what constitutes a family. So, there is no legal "signing on the dotted line".

I appreciate the ideas on who to call. I have them written down and will begin tomorrow. I guess with all of the emotion, all of these logical things (calling debtors, pastor, etc) just escaped me. Thank you for getting me this list.

No, I am not working. I quit work when we had our 4th child. We have children that are 1, 3, 7, & 9. I am going through the certification process for court interpreters. I am fluent in Spanish, and, hope to be able to begin working in a couple of months. Until then, the amount that he will be ordered to pay for child support will cover all of our bills. I will have to scrape for any extras, though.

The home is mine. I bought it months before I met him. He has no claim to it whatsoever.

Unfortunately, no, I have no savings, no stock, retirement, or anything. He has supported us for a long time, and, while he lived here and I dealt with his problems (alcohol, paranoia, abuse), we lived very well (economically). Needless to say, I have realized the value of peace and sanity and realize that while we will struggle economically, I will be better than dealing with his many threats and paranoias.

I have been ontop of my bills up until now (no late payment on mortgage ever), and, all others on time- except electric/gas. High bill for last winter was nearly $600. We live in a very drafty old home, so, that one has a past due balance that I pay additional on all summer to have it paid off by October.

Thank you so much for your concern. I hope I cleared up any confusions and will be on the phone right away tomorrow (right after taking our son to his first day of preschool).

Amanda

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Not that Finically its the best choice but if the house is solely yours and if you have been in your home for a While. Could you get an equity loan to get you by until things are streghtend out. I know that you should try other things first like getting debts deffered temporarly but as a last resort using equity might be the only option. I hope things will go better for you soon

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Kimberly Proud Mommy to Bethany Rose April 2006 &

Organizer of the Coupon Clippers of Tacoma

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Hopefully you'll be able to
get finanical aid and calling your utilities company and such will
help you out. Their usually pretty understanding of such things.
I don't know if your going to school but sometimes they'll pay you to
work in your field if you ask. I hope this helps.