We are on a tight budget and he knows it. Some months if we have unexpected things come up we are even in the red. So he asks for $20 a week to spend anyway he likes. I think he thinks that $20 is not a huge deal. He earns the money why shouldn't he get to spend a little. I look at the big picture that it is over $1000 a year and that would be either a huge bumb in our savings or a huge bite out of our CC Debt. I am tired of having to be his mommy telling him thats not in the budget or shooting down every idea with can't do no money. He brings up the idea that all the other guys at work go out from time to time and why shouldn't he get to too. I feel bad I blew up at him for going out and spending $5 on lunch and putting it on the CC but I would have been ok with it if he had let me know and I could have gave him cash instead.
I want him to have a little freedom but at the same time I know that he will blow that 20 every week on stupid things that we really don't need. The $5 lunch thing made me upset because he got lunch at a place that was 2min from him just coming home and making something.
So who else has a DH who doesn't agree on the little details.

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Kimberly Proud Mommy to Bethany Rose April 2006 &

Organizer of the Coupon Clippers of Tacoma

For the most part my DH is pretty good about checking to see what we do or don't have before wanting to get something big, but I think that might be in part because ever since we were married, each week we both have a set amount of pocket money, that's used however we want. Haircuts, clothes, lunch or dinner out, little things here or there, whatever. I know in my DH's case, he sometimes feels fustrated like he has no control whatsoever over things, in particular when I say something is kind of expensive and I don't feel like we should get it just yet, so just having that money to spend how he wants each week is helpful to him. After a time, he's stopped spending it so much on instant things like lunch and snacks out (of course, it helps I make his lunch) but actually tries to see how much is left over each week so that we can do bigger thigns with it, a nice dinner out, or an occasional movie.

The only thing that we really disagree on, is electricity use. I have no problem taking a shower with just the nightlight or the sunshine lighting the room, same with going in o use the toilet, or brush my teeth. Of if I need to get something from the closet, I usually know where it is and don't turn on the light. He has on sometimes both bathroom lights, and the closet lights, and isn't even around. That does irritate me but I usually just ask if he's done and wants me to turn the light off, and act like I didn't know he had forgotten, so usually he apologizes and or turns off the light.

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"And the state of his bathroom -- I'm not one to gossip, but there are things crusted on his sink that have not simply developed intelligent life but have in all probability by now evolved their own political systems." Cain describes Abel in in SANDMAN #70

This is a constant issue with me and my dh. I don't know how to solve it because no matter how much we discuss it, he never stops. It is very frustrating, so I totally understand.

I do understand where each of u is coming from. If things are dire then I say keep all money toward bils. If there is any way to have a play fund u should.BOTH of u should get a small amount of play money.You can spend it on whatever u want. My friend gets $20. a week. which I think is bad in her case b/c her dh gets whatever he wants. He usually doesn't spend but it is the principal. If one is one a budget both should be. Is it possible to have a $5.00 a week? what about $5. every other week. There really is a mental component to this and that is where he is coming from.

edited to add: In this case I would be the dh. My dh usually has the money and I have to ask. Having to ask is VERY DEMEANING. I had to ask so I could buy groceries/get gas/anything. We almost got divorced or this. No person in the marriage should have to beg for money. Checking with each each is different.
allgirls

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allgirls, mom to 3 girls

Well I have to say that we budgeted in a certain amount of spending cash per week that we could each use any way we wanted. If we wanted to grab a bite out, his cigarettes, etc. It has worked very well for us. Yeah $20 a week does add up but we figured if we don't get to have a little freedom it will be harder for us to stick to the tight budget and we will resent it, or each other.

This gives us a little freedom but doesn't bust the bank either.

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Proud mommy to adorable Kinsley

MY BLOG!

I can totally see both you and your dh's points of view. You are looking at the big picture, and you know that money can be used for killing your debt. He sees it as a punishment for him, that he can't have a little money to do what the other guys are doing.

A little bit of blow money is good for everybody. Right now, we don't have that in our budget, because we both are working hard towards our goal. But I know that once we get our finances straightened out, we will each get a little blow money each month.

I think the key (at least for us) has been making decisions together. That way, nobody feels like they are being told they can't do something.

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If you need to get in touch with me, my email is teach1107910@yahoo.com.

I am a firm believer that completly depriving yourself of something does not get good results. When we first got married, we had so much debt that our interest payments alone were over $300/month. Needless to say, that I wanted every penny to go towards that. But I still budgeted for some fun stuff: hobbies, eating out, etc. It made it so much easier to work on the debt.
I don't know your situation, so it's hard to say whether $20 is reasonable, but I think each of you should have some "play" money.
My DH gets an allowance every paycheck and I have no clue what he does with it. Probably buys sodas and stamps. Trust me, he doesn't need either. But that's the whole idea behind having his "play" money, to do whatever he wants.
I would talk about it and agree on the amount and just include in in your budget, if you have one.
Good luck

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Lena

We have gone through this as well. My DH just wasn't getting it! Since I was the one doing all the bills/budgeting and taking all the brunt of things.....he really had no idea. He just thought when I was complaining how broke we were...that I was just "complaining". Well, I got sick of it. So, he does the bills now and gets to balance the checkbook and make sure all the bills are budgeted for. Now, he realizes why I got so upset over the "little" things. They add up....tank of gas, groceries, phone bill.

I try to make sure my husband has a little cash here and there -- probably $10.00 a week. He's fine with staying on a budget, that I usually design, if he has a little cash to spend it how he pleases. I suppose it does add up over time but in this case I feel it is worth the money.

Thankfully him eating out isn't an issue for his work (they have a kitchen up at the school and he eats free there everyday). I know we'd have a hard time preparing him lunch everyday!

Yeah, we had done play money in the past. My DH tends to spend it on books and video games. Which I see as a waste of money. He already has a few subcriptions that bring in new material and there is the library. We already have an eating out budget of $40 a week which we share to do activities as a family. So in my mind the fun money is already inplace. We are not so tight that he never gets things that he wants. Its just that him having Budgeted money for them means he will buy more of them. My dh comes up with wants all the time, I want a lap top, I want a tv, I want new furniture so what I see happening is the same thing that happend when he used to get money every week. It would disapear and I wouln't know where it was wasted. We have mutual wants too like a 2nd child and that is worth saving every penny so we can afford the hospital bills and the co-pays and diappers.

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Kimberly Proud Mommy to Bethany Rose April 2006 &

Organizer of the Coupon Clippers of Tacoma