I very much agree. If I am hiding stuff like money from my husband "in case of a divorce", then, more than likely, there will be a divorce. I have no doubt there will be no divorce unless one of us completely goes loopy and changes personalities, which is unlikely. JMHO

I do STASH money, but it isn't HIDING it. Dh knows I do it, but he never asks me how much is there, etc. He knows that I do it in order to save for things like Christmas, birthdays, trips, etc, that we otherwise are not so good at saving at!! Last year, I managed to save up all but $100 of our Christmas spendings. It was WONDERFUL. I am just now starting the attempt to do it again this year. Six kids, seven nieces and nephews, six siblings/inlaws, four grandparents....the list goes on! I HAVE to save it somehow! LOL

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Shaking in my boots (well, if I was wearing them in the middle of summer!), but glad to be back!

That is completely different, Jennifer. I think we all have those "Christmas fund", "vacation fund" type stashes. But, my husband knows about stuff like that.

I guess I can see why some mothers and grandmothers would recommend such a thing. They grew up in a generation where most women did not work outside the home and if they did they most certainly were not paid what their husbands were.

But today -- I don't know. Women still don't make as much as men do on average but if my husband and I divorced I most certainly could take care of myself and our children, even if I have been out of the job force for a bit. I wouldn't have a hidden savings account for anything like that. I guess, if I was worried about protecting myself in case of divorce, I would focus more on educating or training myself for some profession so I could support myself, instead of saving away some lump sum of money.

I know if I found out my husband had hidden some amount of money away for x amount of years I would be really hurt and wonder where exactly this relationship was going. After my parents divorced, after 51 years of marriage, we learned that my father had had some money put away. This hurt my mother, as she had worked for years, even when my dad didn't for health reasons, and had had some really tight times and this hurt me and my brother simply because he lied about it. He still lies about it.

So I would have to be in the no catagory.

I guess for me it is a peace of mind thing because even though I'm working on my degree I'm far from having it and if something were to happen I would be majorly up the creek without a paddle. Now like I said, I'm not ONLY saving for when/if we divorce!! In fact we just re-newed our vows so I really don't have a fear of that, but I just like to plan for what-ifs (call me a worry wart) and I feel like its something I can do that wont hurt him not to know and gives me some security. For me it actually strengthens my desire to make sure things work out between DH and I because I would much rather use that money for DS's college (since the account's in his name after all) or for a nice trip for the two of us or something. As far as keeping it a secret...I guess I do it because its like a little thing that's still mine and only mine for now. We share everything else and I think its ok to have certain things that are just yours as in singular...not plural. We've been through a lot together and I have every intention of using it for something fun later on in life (since I doubt it will ever amount to too much) for the two of us but if things take a turn for the worse, at least I have something to help me get started on my own. Another thing, I'm not guarding it too obsessively...if my DH really wanted to know, he could figure it out fairly easily. I keep the deposit slips in our file cabinet and if he ever found them I would be completely honest with him about it.

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Mommy to Dakota, Wife to James
Proud Air Force Family

I don't think it's devious, I think it's smart! I do it sometimes, most of the time the money gets spent on something else, but I do have a savings in my name only that I try to put a little into every now and then. I need to be more regular in it! My dh does know I have it, but he doesn't know any details or account numbers. Personally, I don't care how great your marriage, I think every women needs to be financially secure in her own right! I get this from my fiesty grandmother! She's quite a character! There are women who were sahm's for over 30 years when their dh's up and left after 30+ years of marriage for younger women! It's not rare nowadays! If my dh left right now, I'd be screwed, how would I continue to homeschool my kids?! It would be very hard and stressful! A little money set aside gives peace of mind!

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I am only one, but I am one. I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do. -Edward Hale

It depends on how you feel about it. Some men hide money some woman do. Personally my mom taught me to have my own secret account. Because who doesn't need some money to fall back on time to time. Who knows what life will bring in all honesty. I myself depend on my husband. He's a good man but hey what if he were in an accident and couldn't work for months or ever.If I had a nest egg aside it would come in handy.I don't think it's all about trust some people like to plan and it helps them feel more secure in an unpredictable world.Then there are people that think they'd feel guilty about the secret and choose not to.I think your concience will tell you what's right for your circumstances.
To me there is no wrong answer in this. It's up to you!

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Crystal Ann

I have an emergncy pile of cash from my pre mariage days in the fire box, and I do have an envelope with extra spending money that's mne in thebedroom that I don't think my husband knows where. He knows I have it saved, for something big if I want to use it,but it's not like I have it to keep it to myself, or whatever. It is always nice to have it though, just in case we need cash. Like the time my BIL had a friends XBOX he was selling for $75. I had the cash to buy it right there :D

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"And the state of his bathroom -- I'm not one to gossip, but there are things crusted on his sink that have not simply developed intelligent life but have in all probability by now evolved their own political systems." Cain describes Abel in in SANDMAN #70

I do, but I think dh knows about (especially since he gives me money and has to know that I don't spend it right away) however mine is for fun "girl" stuff, like my girl trips and such. Dh also has his own stash for his golf habit and golf trips. As far as having money in my name, I am not worried because I work and I have just as much as dh (okay a little less because I am younger) in various places. However if I did not work and did not have all that , I would defenetely have some sort of account in my name. (however I don't know if I would keep it a secret) I think you can say, that you trust your dh not to leave you with nothing, but you probably don't think he would leave either, but you don't know what will happen and I think in most cases nothing and everything will be fine, but you never know and it is important to protect yourself. My Best friends dad left and took all the money (including the kids college funds) and no one saw it coming. It has been several years and she still struggles because she had nothing. She was just lucky to have a great family (her parents had to pay for their groceries.

Well- I do have the "secret" Christmas money stash (which is actually gift cards that I bought from a local grocery store that offers fuel perks) and I once in awhile have a money stash besides change jar (but DH goes through that constantly!). This money is for when our cushion is used up (usually Christmas time- when something besides Christmas always comes up!) and I need to pay for an extra bill or even just to get food in our house. My DH usually will find out about it when we need a $20 or something and I come up with it quickly, he is not upset at me but he gets upset when I don't tell him where it is(he would take that money to buy lunches and frivilous things), he understands where I come from on this. Yes, I don't have a job and for the most part it is his money that I am saving (unless it is from the money I make off of craig's list or consingment)- but it is to help us get out of the little humps (the amount usually never exceeds $500).