not on purpose, I sometimes forget i had cash in my wallet and it sits there for months.

But i tell dh anytime I add extra money to the savings account. I don't like to be dishonest with dh.

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stay at home mom to my crazy toddler with sensory issues

We have a joint checking account for bills, another for groceries, gas, spending. At the same bank we also have a savings account. Then I opened an account to get an 8% rate on a 6 mo. CD. This account is in my name. We put $500 into the attached savings to begin our emergency fund. DH said he'll spend it on something, put it where he cannot get it!

Now I use any savings from coupons towards Christmas or a vacation. That is in a jar at home. Only if we really need the money do we pull any out. And put a note that we owe XXX back to it.

I would like to think my marriage will last until death do us part, but in this country nowadays it's too easy to walk away. Since I left my career, one which you cannot just walk back into (I'm a flight attendant), if we were to divorce, I'd be looking for a job, full time and have 3 kids to worry about providing childcare for.

Just recently I expressed these fears to my DH, that I want my own retirement fund, and savings for just in case. He is fine with it. Although I should be entitled to part of his retirement, what if the law in our state changes or something? I am exploring telecommute jobs and a friend offered to hire me at the store he manages. We may use that money to specifically fund an account of my choosing.

Hopefully I personally won't need it, and we can use it to do something we both want. I have always worked and by only working one or two nights a week for tips( I am a bartender) and 3 bucks an hour I know I'd never be able to take care of my kids this way. My husband shares any money he makes, whether it's from his salary, or money from betting on sports or whatever. But a part of me is worried that that could all go away, and I know he'd take care of the kids, but there is no way either of us could keep this house at this point, or possiby afford to keep the kids in this area in this school system

I do occasionally hide some money for me, for shoes, clothes, makeup, etc. Or begin setting aside extra for a trip. DH eventually finds out about it. He's not upset about that. And it is usually in my top dresser drawer!

I have my own checking and savings accounts. They aren't secret though. Dh and I worked out an "allowance" for me each month and I can do with it whatever I choose. A lot of the time, I just save it up and use it on Christmas gifts or things for the boys. I try and keep just enough in there so that if I need to get home in a hurry (sick relatives etc) I can use my "stash" instead of our family budget money to make the trip and not break the bank while doing it!

After reading all the posts on this thread, I think what it all boils down (as to whether it's right or wrong) depends on what kind of relationship you have and whether or not"stashing" will hurt your relationship and/or family in the long run. Personally, I think it's a great idea to put aside emergency money, but I may do it for different reasons than the next person.

If you have a great relationship, are open and honest with each other about everything, if you've been married forever, and/or see no divorce in your future, if you have no fear of your DH leaving you "high and dry", or if you are both on the same page about "saving for a rainy day" (or for Christmas, trips, schooling etc.) then you can put money away with no reservations. Some of you DO have these types of relationships, and that's great. But not everyone has that type of relationship. And even if you have a great relationship right now, you can never be sure about the future. That's not being paranoid, that's being realistic.

If you're like me and have a DH that's just frivolous with money, can never seem to save money, goes from job to job, lives paycheck to paycheck, and would spend it in a heartbeat if he knew about it...then stashing money away becomes an essential part of just making it!! He's the only bread winner right now, and I live daily with the knowledge that if anything were to happen to him I'd be screwed. Therefore, it works for me. I don't have ALOT stashed away, but I'm working towards at LEAST having enough to pay my rent for one month. This way I know I won't be homeless if it came down to that. And even though I'm only able to stash away between $1-5 at a time, it does add up. And he (being so BAD with money) never even notices!! I just think having a safety net in place is worth the risk of being labeled "a deceiver", or "dishonest". If it weren't for my "secret stash" we just plain wouldn't make it sometimes. So, I have no guilty feelings about it whatsoever. I also come from a long line of females who have always had "their own money" put away, whether they worked outside the home or not. And even if DH wasn't so bad with money, I would stash money away ANYWAYS! Car accidents, work-related accidents, and illnesses can (and DO) happen!!

Everyone's relationship is different, and I just think it depends on each one individually. So, when it comes down to "Do I stash, or not?"...what may work for one isn't even an issue for the other. Do what your heart tells you is right for you.

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I have mixed feelings on this topic. Personally I would never have my own bank account etc. My mom and dad had their own money and if for some reason they had to "borrow" from each other they would gripe at the other one to pay it back. My dh's parents had a similar arrangement. I vowed early on that a marriage was a partnership and their would be no his/her money. My dh agrees. When I worked if a bill had to be paid I didn't think nothing about putting my check towards it no matter whose name was on the bill. I also know that it would hurt my dh if he found out that I had my own savings account with just my name and our sons. It would hurt me if he had one with just his name and our boys' names. If I was in an abusive relationship and really wanted out than yes I would. Now if we are just talking about saving for a "rainy" day than I really don't see a problem. Dh has a little side pocket in his wallet that he usually stashes money in there and doesn't tell me about it. I don't think he really is hiding it from me but he knows that we are both guilty of sometimes spending money on small silly things that we don't really need. Sometimes he even forgets that he put some in there. I was thinking about this very thing last night. I have a decorative jar in the kitchen that I'm thinking of putting spare change in. A dollar here and a dollar there adds up and we need to start thinking about Christmas and it would surprise dh if I had already been preparing a little.

No. I don't have money secretly stashed anywhere.

Very interesting opinions.

This is an interesting topic. I do not stash money, as I make most of it anyway. (again, no kids here, yet) Most of DH's money goes to pay things off and savings. If anything ever happened between the two of us, both of us would be ok. Although I do have a small chunk of cash sitting in my nightstand for myself, but DH agreed to me having it for myself from our income taxes this year. It's there for whatever I want/need it for. I don't hide money from him, and vice versa, and yes, I agree that I would probably be upset if DH had a secret stash. Depending on what he was stashing it for, I guess....I think this topic is obviously situational depending on your finances, spending habits, whatever.

So, so hard for me to relate to this. First of all, I am the only who handles ALL of our finances. If my DH would get any crazy ideas like leaving me, I would take the money out so fast, his head would spin.
For now, since we don't have kids, we both work, but once we do, we are planning for me to stay home. I will still be handling finances, though.
Second of all, I think financial security is much more than having a savings account. I think it is very important for women to know that they can survive with or without their husbands/SO. I think it is a lot more important to know exactly what is going on with family monies, and just basic personal finance.
Yes, a few hundred or even a few thousands dollars can be very helpful, but it can run out really fast, so if planning for the worst, I would do other things first.

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Lena

I think it makes sense for numerous reasons. As far as keeping it a secret, as another poster said, if her dh knew the money was there, he'd want to spend it, or want her to spend it. That, to me, is a perfect reason for keeping it a secret.

My grandparents, still married, did the whole allowance thing and shared their money. Turns out she found our he had blown about 10K on his drinking problem but he juggled the books around so she couldn't tell, even though they did the money together, supposedly. That day, she started her own account, the statements go to my mom's house. They are still married and love each other and he has long since repented and recovered from his drinking problem. But if he ever blew it again, she has security, apart from his finances.

To me, it isn't about love. But the sad part is, love doesn't pay the bills. I see nothing wrong with either partner keeping their birthday money or other gifts, as well as any money they save by not spending elsewhere, secretly.