Ethical Money Question - Page 2

Aubrey's mom · 09-13-2007, 01:38 PM

If my husband spent $300 without telling me I'd be MAD, so I definitely wouldn't do it. A lot of families have a higher spending limit before they feel the need to discuss what they are buying so it would vary.

My feeling is if you feel like you are hiding something, then you probably shouldn't be doing it.

DebbieL · 09-13-2007, 01:53 PM

It would drive me bonkers if I had to ask permission to spend my money like a child or something. I couldn't be in a relationship if I had to clear every purchase I was making with DH. We both are on the same page there. We are both independent and keep our own finances separate (except for 1 joint savings account - which we don't touch unless it's something major that we want to do). Other than that, it's all separate. We've never had a fight about money (and I won't). I've never comingled my finances in any of my relationships. Funny though, DH and I are both alike in our desire to be "mostly" frugal and neither one of us spends outrageously, but neither one of us wants to answer to the other if we do decide to splurge once in a while.

Having said that, if the arrangement with my partner was such that these things were supposed to be discussed, then I guess I would tell him (it's so far from my reality that it's hard for me to ever imagine agreeing to that type of arrangement).

lamby248 · 09-13-2007, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by booker81

I would say to NOT keep it a secret. However, she should explain to DH about her feelings of pressure and ask him to keep it on the lowdown and not hound her all the time. I wouldn't tell others.

I'm a bit jaded on stuff like that (secrets concerning money) because my last marriage. I paid all the bills, on a very strict budget. My ex paid me $600 a month for his share of the bills. Though I got the bills paid on his "rent" and my income, we never had extra. The final nail in the coffin was when I found out he'd been spending $200+ a month online poker and "adult personals" sites. Now, much, much more had been going on but that finalized my decision to kick him out and file. He had been cheating and had a drinking and gambling problem, but he asked forgivness, and I gave it (stupid). The money thing was the clincher.

I don't know everything what DH spends on, but I know about what it is, and if it's something "new", he immediately tells me. I tell him the cost of "extra" purchases. Even if I don't care for it, he can do what he wants with his money, just keep me in the know. I didn't think he needed that extra fishing pole - he's got 15 so far! But I appreciate him telling me the price of the new one when he got it.

I'm not making sense today, I'm sorry :D I guess I want to say is that if a family can "afford" it, then either spouse should be in the know of what the other does financially. They don't have to agree fully, or even discuss it first hand, but when the day is done, there should be no secrets.

I totally agree and had similar dealings with my ex-h when I was married. I think that the spouse should know, $300 is alot to me..

2bearsmom · 09-13-2007, 06:38 PM

To me, It really does depend on where the couple is at financially. Does MaryBeth work or do they only have her Dh income? For me, personally $300 is a lot of money to spend and not tell my spouse, then again, HE is the one bringing home the paychecks.

melsb · 09-13-2007, 06:57 PM

If I wanted it my husband wouldn't mind it just is how he is. But even if he didn't want me to get it, and I probably could "hide" paying for it, I would let him know. I'm not big into hiding things, even little things, from him.