First, by "financially secure" I think that is in the eye of the beholder. I consider us "financially prudent" more than secure. I don't think there is 100% financial security. You never know what tomorrow will bring. . . so I hope people don't think I am saying we are secure. We are comfortable, but certainly not rich, by any means.

This is sort of the backwards spin on Kim's post. I don't have rich friends that I am envious of, but I do have a friend and my inlaws who are envious of US. We are not rich, we do not have a lot of stuff (big cars, big house, boat, etc.), but we are comfortable thanks to a lot of work and savings. I consider us money saavy more than anything.

So, I have been made to feel guilty by a friend and my mil because we save and are doing ok as a result. I am not trying to brag because, really, we are not rich, just comfortable because we are CAREFUL and plan and budget our money. I know it is jealousy because both of these people are not good at managing their money and have often called me "cheap" when really they should say "frugal". (Most people do say I am frugal, but there are two - these two - who constantly call me cheap. So, I don't think it is cheapness as much as misunderstanding or jealousy.)

So, anybody else have people make you feel guilty (or try to) because you are money saavy or just careful in general?

I really don't consider us "Financially Secure" yet.

Yes sometime people make me feel guilty because I am a SAHM. I think that there is resentment especially with my Family. Sister is a Working Single mom who very much wishes she had a good guy around could have more kids and stay home. My SIL drops her son off with me everyday so I imagine there is resentment there too.

Then there are the DINKs (double income no Kids) I think many of them really don't understand how anyone could jepordize there career and have to make some less then ideal changes to how we spend our money.
I have gotten flamed before on other money boards because we have next to no savings, debt and live pay check to pay check when I "should" be working. Thats a big reason why I love this board no one makes you feel bad when you have to do things to get by

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Kimberly Proud Mommy to Bethany Rose April 2006 &

Organizer of the Coupon Clippers of Tacoma

Um, yes, I can totally relate to this. My mom raised my sister and I on her own, and while she sometimes had to rob Peter to pay Paul, we (my sister and I) always had want we needed (food, shelter, clothes, school supplies, etc). Looking back, I don't agree with everything my mom did with her money, because she made some bad choices that probably would have had a different outcome had she not done or bought what she did, but she did the best she could with what she had, and I think I turned out okay! lol However, she has NEVER been in favor of my being a SAHM, because she is so convinced that Brian will have an affair, and leave me with 2 kids, and no way to support myself, like my dad did to her. Brian and I discussed this at great length BEFORE we got married, we both wanted me to be a SAHM when the time came. Fast forward 14 years, 2 kids, and one prospering business, and now I hear her complain about how he works too much, we should take a vacation, I don't get out enough, blah blah blah. She is critical of me, for telling her I need to discuss something with Brian before making a decision. She feels I should be able to do whatever I please, whether he likes it or not. While I'll admit there are times I actually feel that way, as his wife, I feel obligated to discuss with him anything that involves our kids, and our money. Call me old fashioned...lol! And now, we get to my sister...her husband is the polar opposite of Brian. I would classify Brian as a borderline workaholic, whereas my BIL hasn't worked a full 8 hour shift in over 10 years (he's also self-employed; tree service company). My sister quit her job that paid $38K/year, to stay at home to help take care of the business. Not only did she quit her job that paid that well, but they now have no medical insurance, and they have two kids. She told me she quit her job to save on daycare/sitter expenses, but they continued to spend as though they still had 2 incomes coming in. Her oldest is now in the 3rd grade, and the baby is in Pre-K. When I asked if she'd thought about going back to work, even part time, she told me that if she has to do that, she's taking the boys and leaving BIL. I just don't get that type of thinking at all. I love my sister dearly, but she just makes me so angry. She takes little pot shots such as, "it must be nice to have a husband who works all the time to provide for you and the kids." and then she'll insinuate that maybe he's not actually working. I always reply that yes, it is nice that he's so willing to work so hard so we can afford for me to be at home with the kids, etc. Last Christmas, I suggested not buying for each other's kids since between both sets of grandparents, and Santa (and aunts & uncles from either side), our kids get plenty, and that I'd rather spend a little extra later either for their birthdays or maybe us taking the kids to the zoo for the day. She got all snotty with me, accusing me of thinking I'm better than her, etc. All I was trying to do was come up with a way to let her off the hook, because I knew they were VERY strapped for money, and I didn't want her to feel obligated to buy for my kids, etc. I thought I did well in not making her feel like I was saying "well, since I know you can't afford it, let's not buy for each others kids this year." And then after the holidays, I find out that she ended up having to hock her wedding rings so she could buy presents for her kids for Christmas, I was livid!! I didn't say anything, but I was steaming!!

Okay..that got a little long winded...I apologize...I just get really upset when it comes to this issue and my mom and sister. Like I feel I have to apologize because we're doing okay...finally!! *sigh* Sorry I took up so much time.

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~*~ Angie~*~
Wife to Brian
SAHM to Sarah & Andy 2/11/2000

We aren't quite financially secure right now, but while I was still working, I would say we were. Part of that is because of my family - when we put the farm for sale, we divvied up some of the gear, and therefore, DH and I have some nice stuff, lots of treated lumber to build our deck, a 4x4 Gator, lots of "toys" - chainsaws, a planer, table saw, etc. We already have two trucks a variety of boats, including a very nice bass boat. My family owns 400 acres of land complete with a lake, which I now manage.

We have a lot more than some of our friends, and folks that I know. I know my ex and ex-inlaws are VERY hateful, because my folks never gave my ex and I "stuff" (like the gator, saws etc). That's because they knew better than I did - and because my DH does a LOT of work for them (tree work) for free. He won't take money, so they give him "stuff". We look like we are high on the hog, while my ex's family is the same white trash they always were.

Once word gets out that I'm a SAHM and we still are financially OK with our "stuff", they are going to go about spreading crap about me again (before, I was "stealing" from my ex husband - I made 50% more than he did!). Let them. I've been working out a LOT of ways to save money, already have been spending $40 a month for gas for my vehicle, instead of $400. I have been spending $30 a week on groceries, and hope to cut that - before, it was nothing to blow $200 a week.

We live in a pretty low income area, which is fine - we aren't "rich", but we live a happy life. That right there is enough to get some fine rumors flying and deal with catty comments of folks I used to know. Unfortunately we live in the same town as my ex-inlaws, and ex-husband (my ex-husband, his parents, his sister, and his sisters 3 kids live in the same house).

Let them talk. I'm happy Gotta love the life of a small town though!

Don't feel guilty that your lot in life is larger than someone elses. Just be thankful and
keep on planning and saving. There is some people out there that think the world owes them something. Because you're good hearted you'll feel sorry and give some.I guarantee you money you saved for ten years they can blow in 5 minutes. Somebody that never pays back will want to borrow 10.00 from me. I can say um this is my last money to get through the week. Did they take it ? YES!Even though I secretly had a little more.I tested it.I don't lend any more.Don't ever feel guilty for being comfortable. You don't owe nobody.You deserve the rewards of your harvest and labor.I know alot of comfortable people and they are smart they down play it and live simply.And when asked to borrow money they're response I"M BROKE.

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Crystal Ann

Well, let me start by saying that we're not financially secure (whatever that means - probably different to different people). I do think we will get there in a few years though because we are both planners, savers and smart about money. We currently have about 4-5 months worth of expenses in liquid savings, and I have another few months worth that I could cash out if need be. Nobody ever envies us because we are probably the worst off in both of our families. My sister and her husband were fortunate enough to be born at the right time (she's 10 years older than me) and jobs were easier for her to get (with no college) and her house was affordable. I came along when things were tougher here, and the housing market went INSANELY unaffordable right at the time I could have been possibly thinking of buying a small place. I still rent as a result, whereas their house is probably close to being paid off. Both her and her DH got better paying jobs (with no education) than me and my DH (who have college). My parents have had a paid for house since 1977 and most of their income is discretionary. I cannot even imagine that at this point! They've never gone into debt for anything (other than when they had a mortgage - but that was paid quickly). DH's family are also all doing better than us financially. They are all highly educated except one of his sisters (who is a SAHM - her husband is a pilot and I'm sure they're not hurting for money).

Debbie, you are right, "financially secure" means alot of things to alot of people. In my opinion, we are comfortable, but not what I would consider SECURE! What I mean is, is that we pay our bills every month, have some credit card debt, have some savings, and for now, we are ok with it. Fact is, is that before the end of this year, DH's jobs will be all paying in at once, and we will be credit card debt free, which makes me comfortable knowing. I'm not worried where our next dollar comes from, because I have a full time, great paying job, with nowhere to go but up. Also, because once DH finishes one job, another one comes along bigger and better, (knocking on wood here!!). His money is currently going to our debts, and soon, we will be done with it. Come first of next year, i will be getting with our financial advisor and shaking things up a bit, and upping our contributions, since we will be debt free. We are still very young, I'm 26, DH is 25, and have the time to be aggressive with our investments. My goal is to retire by the time I'm 50. Totally doable.
Having said all that, I don't think many people envy us, nor do anyone make us feel bad about what we do have. We aren't rich by any means, but just fine. By the end of next year we will be financially secure, with a constant growth in savings and no worries....so I don't worry now. Period. If one month, we can only pay the minimum payment on our credit card, because DH hasn't finished a particular job in time for the payment, oh well, we will pay more when he gets paid. I don't fret about it. We have a few nice things(nothing drastic), but all of which we could afford at the time we bought them, even if that meant paying off our furniture in a years time before finance charges accrued....that's fine by me.
However, having said all that, my dad's side of his family always makes him feel guilty about what he and mom have. My parents made WISE FINANCIAL DECISIONS, and worked super hard to get what they have, without any help from any of them. When my dad's siblings chose another route, of not saving anything and then wanting to cry because he has so much and they have nothing. My grandma even told him that he should be helping his sister out since she just got divorced. No way. She has had plenty of bad things to say to and about my dad in the past, and I'd be "darned" if I would hear of him helping her. Sorry. Dad shouldn't have to pay the price for her discretions. So, i have seen the best and the worst, my family and friends don't discuss each other's finances, but my grandma will make you feel guilty in a heartbeat. ugh.