I have a couple 'issues' that my DH doesn't know about - am I in the boat all by myself?

I'm scared to come clean or I'll be in divorce court!

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Jenn

I do not tell him " stupid" things like when I renewed the cell phones and added DS on to get his phone, I "forgot" to tell him about all the fees etc... the 1st bill was like $300 instead of $130 because we had to pay the connection fees and almost 2 months at once. My attitude was if he did not think to ask, I was not going to volenteer the info. He does know about fees and he knew I was getting the extra phone etc. However, if I spent more than a couple of hundred dollars on something I would tell him. I am sure you are not the only one who does that, but I could not keep him in the dark if was a big amount. I would want to know if he had a huge debt to pay.

Nope, he handles the finances so he knows exactly what we have. I want him to know too. He might catch a financial error that I didn't see. Two eyes are better then one. Plus he keeps me in check with my spending!

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I don't inform my dh of every little purchase I make, but I don't keep any secrets either.

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~Happiness is a large family~



Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. James 1:19

Same here.

I don't tell dh about everything because he freaks out about everything. I just keep it to myself. I don't hide it, he knows we have debt and I let him know when we are running low in the check book, but he never asks about our finances either. So less stress for me if he keeps his nose out of it and lets me deal with it.

I could never do that. Not to be mean, but that doesn't make for a good marriage. JMO

I spend things on everyday items or order things online without discussing them with my DH, both of which are fine with him. But I don't have any debt he doesn't know about, and he pays the bills so sees the charges for anything I buy, and he sees all the boxes that come when I order things online. I think hiding things like that are harmful in the long run to a marriage...but that's JMO.

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Jenn, please PLEASE tell your husband. Come clean before it all gets out in the open. Repent, apologize and ask his forgiveness. I went through this with DH when we were first married. I withheld some financial problems that I had gotten us into (forgetting to make payments on time or not having enough money to pay things, so all of our medical bills went into collections) and then one day I was in the shower when DH answered the phone - it was a bill collector. It all exploded from that one call. It was terrible, no doubt. But our marriage didn't break apart from it. I was afraid to tell him because I knew that he earned that money with hard work and I was so careless with it. Instead of divorcing me, he explained that it wasn't the money that he was upset about, it was that I had kept things from him instead of telling him so we could work through it together. I had broken his trust and it took me a LONG time to earn it back. The most embarassing part of it was that he called his mother over to go through the bills with us and figure out the best way to approach paying them off. Luckily it all worked out, after my mother-in-law calling all the companies and talking in-depth with each of them. She had a lot of experience, and though it was mortifying to have her come fix my shortcomings, it was humbling and something that I needed to go through. That's when I made our budget and every morning DH would ask what bills I needed to pay, as a reminder for me to remember. And every night he'd ask if I had paid them. He kept me accountable. Did I have some goof-ups after that? Of course. I'm not perfect! There were times where I forgot to record a check in my register and suddenly we're $20 overdrawn. But I didn't keep it from him - I went straight to him (sometimes calling him in the middle of his work day) to tell him flat out what happened ("I screwed up and now we're overdrawn.") and it always works out to be okay in the end. It's just money, he says, and though I feel it's made of gold from all the hard work he puts in to get it, taking care of the finances is a huge pressure on whoever does it and he understands that. Please do not keep it secret for one minute longer. I don't care if he comes home from work absolutely miserable (believe me I waited weeks -- I wanted to tell him on a good day so he didn't get more upset from being cranky, but I didn't want to ruin a good day by telling him... so it just cycled and I never told him). Please just dont' keep it a secret any longer. Thank the Lord that our marriage survived this (and one other explosion due to a secret), and now is much stronger in the end, but it was because I surrendered and said "yep, I did wrong", and then when it was all fixed, I made the effort to do better so it didn't happen again. Now, I run just about everything past my husband (I dont' call him at the grocery store to make sure I can get chips or something LOL but I do tell him I had to use a little extra over my budgeted amount for a few more groceries or shoes for DS or whatnot - and he does the same with me. He doesn't necessarily call me to tell me he's getting a drink at work, but he will call to see if we have the money to buy some video game accessory.) We go over the budget on a weekly basis and the lines of communication about our finances are WIDE OPEN. The truth sets you free hon - please dont' keep yourself caged up in this secret anymore.

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My dh handles the bills and also pulls up the cc statements online, so I really can't hide much of anything!