Now we are pretty good at staying on budget but both DH and I have a pretty long list of "I Wants" Yes some are small but most are huge like a new patio, windows, insulation siding, bathroom, lap top, bedding, PS3 and more.

My DH mentioned that he was tired of doing more in the way of manual labor just to save money of not being able to do things the way we should do them because we need to pay off debt. Our current goal is to pay off debt but we still need to keep up with home maintinece and that means making our back yard useable again. Currently our yard is a safety hazard and with a toddler we need to make it safe. I am always suggesting cheep options that are time consuming and he ways to make the job easier. We both want to throw in the towel and hire it done but that really isn't an option.

So how do you handle the bickering when you want to spend and know you can't. My DH is tired that my answer to everything is no dear we can't afford that when he feels after working all week that he can have a few luxuries.

__________________
Kimberly Proud Mommy to Bethany Rose April 2006 &

Organizer of the Coupon Clippers of Tacoma

Thankfully DH and I don't really fight about money, so I can't really help with that part of your question.
Recently, though, my husband wanted to buy an XBox 360. We could've just taken the money out of savings or saved it up over a couple of paychecks, but I tried a little "test" to see if he really wanted it as bad as he said he did. I told him that if he could somehow earn the money outside of his regular paychecks, I would be more than happy to let him spend it on his XBox. We decided that, with me being a SAHM, all of the regular paychecks he brings in are for the family. I was amazed at just how bad he really DID want it, because he found some really creative ways to earn his XBox money. He sold his old XBox to a friend with all of the accessories and games for $100. Then he heard about donating plasma. You are allowed to do it two times per week and you receive $35 per donation. So, to make a long story short, he "earned" his money without using any from his paychecks or from our savings. It took a little while to earn it, but he really does appreciate it. (I'm actually really proud of him, too. He could've just taken the money out of our savings, but instead respected our family enough to wait it out until he had the "extra" money.) So, that is how we handle our WANTS list. Works for us...

It sounds to me that he is a little frustrated that he is working all week and then has to do the work on the weekend too. Is it possible to get an apprentice or trainee to help out and pay them a minimal wage? Do you know any friends that have experience in that area?

Get all his mates together and reward them with a beer and barbaque (cook-out).

__________________
Melanie.
Mum to Lillianlee- 1st September 2006.

Monkey Mia's Savings... (my blog)

We don't argue about money, but we have an insane way of dealing with it - it works for us, but I'm sure it wouldn't for most - both of us have had past issues in relationships with money.

As for stuff - sometimes you gotta get creative when it comes to wants/needs. We need to renovate the baby's room (like NOW - procrastinators we are!!) We need to have the door taken out, the 3'x5' hole and steps in the floor removed, and the floor leveled and the wall redone to be solid. We could pay $$$ for someone to do it, but we found a friend who is currently unemployed, and is willing to do it if I make him a steak dinner with all the fixin's and we give him a case of beer, and we buy the materials using his contractor's discount at Home Depot. The total cost will be about $200 plus $15 in beer, and I'd say about $10 more for food - I have steaks, and just need to get side dishes (I'll make dinner for all three of us).

BBQ and food seem to make men - at least the men around here, and all of DH's friends - work well. I like cooking, and they all like my cooking, so we've gotten the garage renovated, me moved completely when I moved in here with DH, and I think I'm going to ask two of them to come over this week to help me move stuff around the house to prepare for baby - again for food. They've helped with multiple other projects, and we already have some lined up to redo the stairwell, the deck, and the roof - again for cost of supplies on discount and a meal and beer.

As for "frivolous" stuff - if we have "extra" on hand, and all bills are paid, it's ok to spend that extra. If we don't, well, we do without. I guess we both have the same mindset when it comes to money?

__________________

Funny you mentioned this because just this morning my husband said he wanted a snow blower. Now I think a snow blower is dumb and we can shovel just fine. But we have a large driveway and I know most of the snow removal will fall on him not to mention he goes to work early. Is it fair for me to say, no ... I don't know. No easy answer but I do know where you're coming from!

I don't know if I'll be much help in this situation, as i'm in the same boat most of the time. It always comes back to "if you had a fulltime job". What the h$%$ is a sahm? I also babysit part-time, but since its lower than min. wage, he complains. Just know that you're not the only couple that fights about money and wants. FYI, dh wants a psp and is selling his old one and all the games to get it. I think he's catching on.lol

I agree with the Beer & BBQ idea, just make sure to save it till the work is done!! Nothing will slow the job down faster than to hand them the beer too early! Before you know it the game will be on and they'll be taking a 4 hour "break"!

As for the fighting, it sounds like maybe you have different goals with the money! DH and I don't fight too much about money, not because we have the same goals, but because Dh is pretty laid back and says tell me what to do... I say use cash! The biggest problem with this though, is that DH doesn't buy much everyday (like I do) he likes to wait a while and then want something REALLY BIG!!! New leaf blower, new mountain bike, new soccer kleats, ps3, new CAR... he just HAD to have an ipod, then oh wait, they now have a red one, so I got his old one, he was the first to buy the iphone in our local store! Nice, huh?

Anyway, I LOVE Dave Ramsey and he says that you have to be on the same page! If you both sit down and work out the budget and you BOTH ok all the numbers, etc! It's not YOU telling him no, it's a number you both came up with, etc!

I am suggesting this, but in the same breath saying GOOD LUCK! DH is apparently TOO busy to read the book! (or listen to the CD i got him) He thinks me telling him about it is good enough! The problem with this is that he doesn't have the same intensity as me and he just has different ideas about using credit, etc!

Anyway... sorry that was so long - long story short - Beer & BBQ good, but only AFTER the job is done! And do your budget together so that he has to justify spending the money! If you only allocate so much, is he willing to give up his clothing money or beer money to pay someone else to do it, etc! HTH!

__________________

My DH did this. He took all his PS 2 and 1 games and consoles to EB to get the PSP and I sold the rest on Ebay. I told him if he wanted the new one, he had o sell or trade in his old one.

__________________
Melanie.
Mum to Lillianlee- 1st September 2006.

Monkey Mia's Savings... (my blog)

Monkeymia thats a great idea espcially since the new system would play all his old Games. Still I know if I can put him off the price will continue to decline PS3s were around $700 and are now down to $500. I have never even thought of having him trade in the games.

As for the Beer and BBQ it might work but we have already had lots of projects we run out of friends to exploit. We already had all the guys from work over for the retaining wall. The rest of our friends are more computer geeks. I am sure we will be fine in the long run still it is frustrating that he sometimes gets off page. I did have us read up on personal finances together. It was positve for us both but there is a difference I was reading a book I was interested in and he was reading it because I asked him to. Still thanks for the suggestions keep them coming

__________________
Kimberly Proud Mommy to Bethany Rose April 2006 &

Organizer of the Coupon Clippers of Tacoma

MY dh was the same way. This is what I had to do.. I mad an Excel spread sheet. List all our monthly bills, our creditcards, carnote, student loans. EVERYTHING and what we owned on them, then there is another on that has monthy statements on it and the last collom adds up how much we have paid off debt or if we went in the hole that month. After my dh looking at it for about 8 months. WE no longer use our credit cards, except one and that gets paid off monthy and it just for gas becuase we get a large cash back bonus. With that being said if we don't have it in the bank account it doesn't get spent and if he choose to buy soemthing "crap is what I call it" then there goes money from the food alllowance and I let him know it. or something else.

__________________