The lesson to learn is that if we wives want our children to have something, then we have to make sure our wishes are in some legal format.

And from the children's standpoint, don't covet other people's assets.

And the hardest part of all is keeping an open and honest relationship with everyone. No matter which side of this triangle, you find yourself, keeping the lines of communication open helps.

Cathleen

Not leaving your money to your children...does not mean you don't love them or value them as your children. People are free to do as they please with "their" money. We don't know that this woman isn't making him happy in this time of lonliness and sorrow for him. And if she is, shouldn't it count for something. She may have married him for the wrong reasons....but how does he feel about it? Is he ok with that...and just wants someone to be with??? If that's the case, does it really matter who he leaves his money to??? Maybe he is just trying to be as happy as he can in his twilight years.

That's a tough one. I agree that the Dad can do with what his money/assets as he sees fit. Does he give a reason why he won't write a will? It would protect his interests to do so. I don't get that part of it. I love the solution about your friends offering to buy the property. Hopefully the dad will understand their connection to it and offer to sell it at a price they can afford.

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Of course it's the dad's prerogative regarding the dispersement of his own money, and I believe his new wife is entitled to her share, but I find it sad that he doesn't make provisions to at least leave some to his own children. But...there may be reasons why that no one knows.

You are right, changed4life, there may be reasons as to why he isn't doing anything about leaving something for his children.

It could be but it doesn't seem to be. They all spend their summers at the cottage together. Everyone seems to get along although it did take a while for my friend to forgive her Dad for eloping and not telling her he was getting married. They sent a postcard from Hawaii. They've been married for a few years now. The issue seems to be that she was shy to bring up the cottage issue and when she did he brushed it off like he didn't want to talk about dying and she didn't either, and didn't want to look greedy so she let it go. Her Dad is still really active and acts young so I think he feels like he'll never die and doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't seem to be doing it to hurt them .. but it is hurting them. I just hope when he does die, the new wife will be open to still sharing the cottage with them.

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My advice, don't bring up the matter 'gently'. Be direct in asking what he intends to do. If he says he wants the cottage to go to his new wife, the daughter will, of course, respect his wishes. However, if he wants some other situation (the wife is allowed to live in it but isn't allowed to take ownership), then by law he will have to do something else. At that point, the daughter should be educated enough about inheritance laws (children can't be indirectly disinherited) that she can be specific about what he needs to do.

When my mom died, my dad was very lonely and by luck he met up again with his high school sweetheart who was also a relatively recent widow. The wedding was very fast mostly because they both knew they didn't have long to linger in a drawn out courtship. My dad did set up his estate so his children received some inheritance outside of the will but the rest went to his new wife. My dad knew what he was doing. His new wife had been diagnosed with alzheimers shortly after they were married and he knew she would have multiple medical bills. My dad died and it wasn't too long later when his widow had to go into a care facility. It is how he would have wanted the money used.

My dad did ask how I felt about how he set up his estate and I told him it was his money and he could do with it what he wanted. However, he was concerned about how his children would feel about not inheriting the bulk of the estate (which because my mother, my grandmother and my father all died in a few years of each other was not only quite a bit of money but also not purely all my father's money - it was money we would have inherited had events played out a little differently.) Anyway, I hate to admit it, but I am a little bothered that a woman I hardly know inherited the bulk of the money. And I am bothered that HER children will inherit that money if any is left over. But intellectually I tell myself to let it go. It isn't like any of my father's children NEED his inheritance.

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"Poor people work for their money. Rich people make their money work for them."

This is really how she is feeling too. It sounds like from what he was saying he does want to leave it all to his new wife, not out of anger or anything but because he loves her and she has never worked so he wants to provide for her ... and his kids don't really need it. But it still hurts somehow that this new woman will get it all, and probably go on to re-marry and have her own family to pass the cottage on down to.

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We're in the same boat, but we're talking millions. My stepmonster will get it all, and the spoiled rotten daughter they adopted will then get it all from her. Meanwhile, us 4 kids from the first marriage, who grew up without a Dad around, get the shaft. My brother & sister are wealthy enough from their own businesses such, but my other sister could lose her home at any time & her husband's health is poor & his job just gets worse and worse. But stepmonster & half-sister are sure enjoying their shopping trips to Italy and Prada shoes and ski trips every weekend.

Send your dad copies of the Paul McCartney divorce situation. It's true the money is his to do with, but it is just plain foolish - especially w/ property - to not have a will as he will be leaving his heirs with a mess and probate will take a lot of his money. He should provide a trust for his kids if he wants to leave something to them and then whatever amount to his wife. Many men feel that they have to leave enough to the much-younger wife to keep her "set" for her lifetime. That's what my dad is doing for his little tramp.

In some states the children are not complety left out, they (children & stepmom) will each get a childs portion of the estate.

When dh and i married we had a pre-nup and we keep our will updated, simply because we have kids from previous marriages.