Hello, I'm new to this so please excuse me if I don't know what I'm doing!

I need opinions! How do you do it?

I recently had a baby and for the first time I am not working. Thing is, I don't like how we have our money situation right now between my husband and I. I want to bring it up to my husband but I'm not sure what to suggest - I'm not used to not having my own money.

Until now we've had our own accounts and a joint account for groceries etc. Now since I'm taking classes and paying for it out of my account - my money is disappearing while he's doing fine and investing etc. We have the joint account which only has a few hundred in it at a time for shopping etc. Which means this is all I have access to. My husband is a fair man and very sweet and I'm sure will work whatever out so that I'm comfortable but I don't know how this works now.

Do I get "x" amount of $ a paycheck to do with as I wish? Investments etc? What if I want to actually buy clothes? Does that come out of this "allowance" or should I take that from the joint account? I have so many questions!

I wanted to see if anyone could share how they work it out so that its fair to both parties.

Thanks!

Good question. I'm sure you are going to get a lot of different responses so my vote is to read through the advice, talk to dh about it openly .. perhaps show him this thread after a few days and people have posted and decide together the best way to work it out.

For my dh and I we have one joint account. All money that goes in is shared to pay our shared expenses. We have an arrangement that we need to check with the other on any purchases over $100 (just so we know we have enough to cover the month's expenses). All money is shared.

But I know many others do it differently. We choose to do it this way after an episode when we were dating. We went over to visit a married couple who had recently had a baby and they started arguing in front of us about him spending too much money on long distance calls (she paid the phone bill) and her spending too much on groceries (diapers are expensive) and how it wasn't fair because now she was making less (maternity leave lasts 1 year in Canada) and she was having trouble keeping up with her bills. After that night we decided when it comes to money, what's yours is mine and mine is yours and we pay bills out of the same account that everything goes into. Neither one of us is particularly controlling so it works for us.

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We have a joint checking account that all of the household bills come out of.

Then I take 200 out of my paycheck week and divided it between dh and me.

That is our "spend money". I use it to buy my clothes and like knick-knacks for the house. His is for his hobbys and the tool truck at his work. For us this has work out wonderful.

We use to use our allowance for gas but now it comes out of the household account.

The most important thing is to set-down and work out something that your both agree on and what you both think will work!

We have one joint account. All net money (except what is directed to other accounts for savings and investments - pay yourself first!), is deposited in the joint account. We each get an allowance.

My hubby travels a lot so he leaves the checkbook with me. We each have a debit card. Hubby rarely uses his because he likes to take his allowance in cash.

We pay for whatever we need by mutual agreement and when the need arises. If I need clothes, I buy clothes. If hubby needs clothes, he buys clothes. If DD needs clothes, we buy clothes for her. No problem. We all share in the wealth - and the responsibilities.

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"I've been rich and I've been poor but independently wealthy is where it is at."

The way we do it is we share everything. We have an account where both our paychecks go into...and we pay all or our expenses out of it. That includes credit cards we both had before we got married. Everything is shared income and debt. We budget it to make sure we can both take out money when necessary and communicate with each other when we want to make any big purchases. As long as you have the attitude that what is his is yours and vice versa you shouldn't have a problem.

I too am in strong support of Joint checking. No his and hers just ours. Its a matter of trust which in a marriage there should be lots of. Trusting him to not have big purchases without consulting you and him trusting you to not go on a shopping spree.

Yes there are occasional spats over spending. But if you are staying home to take care of the little one you are going to need accesses to the Family Funds which would be what your husband brings home. For example, what happens if your car breaks down while you and the new baby are out and about. Do you wait for DH to come Galently to your rescue or do you have funds to be able to call a tow truck and a taxi.

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Kimberly Proud Mommy to Bethany Rose April 2006

Yep, there is no his or hers in our marriage. Only an ours.

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~Happiness is a large family~

One thing that you didn't mention that may have an effect on what you decide is - are you planning on going back to work or are you planning to stay home until the baby is older? If you are only doing it on a short term basis, it makes a big difference as to what you decide.

We have a joint account too. We have always had a joint account and it has always worked for us. When I was working, I was making about the same amount of money as dh and it all went into the joint account. When I transitioned to be a SAHM, we still kept the joint account. We just can't spend from it as much since it was cut in half when I quit work. I know some people have separate accounts and it works for them, but I think that it is easier and shows greater trust in each other to have a joint account.

As a side note, one person that I know had to cut her maternity leave short because they had separate accounts and she wasn't able to keep up with her end of the expenses and her husband wouldn't budge on it. Another couple I know also has separate accounts and it works great for them (their kids are older though - I don't know what they did when they were young). In the end, it has to be whatever you and your husband come up with and can agree on that works best for your family.

we also have a joint account. we each buy things whenever we want to but if it is a large purchase we consult with each other. at the end of the day he tells me what he has spent if it was on the debit card and i keep track of what we have. i also pay all of the bills and have everything written out in my home organizer so if he ever wants to see its all there for him.

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- Chantelle

Mommy to Roly (2000) and Elijah (2005) and expecting #3 due May 7th 2009!


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I don't think there is any 'right' or 'wrong' answer to this...everyone is different and what works well for you, is the thing to do! I definately think you should sit down with your Dh and discuss what you wrote out here. Together you can both figure out a system that would be acceptable to the both of you. If it's not perfect, you tweak it in a few weeks.

DH and I consider all our income 'ours'. We don't do a 'his/hers' thing with it. He is the major breadwinner but I have investments and other things that bring in $$$.

Dh pays all our monthly bills and also pays me. He does a direct deposit into my account. I use that weekly money for all kinds of things - food, clothing, gifts, kids activities etc I can really do what I wish with it.

We do invest (and save) every month and we talk about it frequently. How we want to reinvest something, if we want to put more money here or there, if we want to sell off something - it's an ongoing conversation between the both of us.